Something More
by CindyLuWho
Summary: Sirius Black was everything Lily had ever dreamed of. So why is James Potter the one taking her breath away? Maybe Lily has finally found the something more she was looking for.
1. Sirius Longing

Hello, hello. This is my first real fanfic, so I'm crossing my fingers that all goes well. I'd definitely appreciate any comments or constructive criticism, just don't bite my head off. I'm no JK Rowling (who, by the way, owns all the rights to this la de da) here. 

About the story - it is written in third person, but is very much from Lily's point of view. I like to think of it as how Harry is the main focus of emotional insight and commentary in the actual books, so is Lily in this particular story. I may stray from that view every now and then, but...well, deal with it.

Also to note: This story does NOT necessarily comply with OotP. I hope that doesn't burst anyone's bubble.

May I also warn that while I try my best to avoid them, cliches are abound. It makes me cringe when I happen to stick them in there, but sometimes it's just inevitable. Plus, give me a break, this is my first fanfic. A girl's gotta start somewhere, right?

Now may I present...drumroll...

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**SOMETHING MORE**

_By: CindyLuWho

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_

"Sirius Longing"

* * *

Lily Evans stepped leisurely through the brick wall before her, several trunks and bags in tow, her parents echoing seconds behind. The shrill scream of a train and the ubiquitous murmur of conversation filled her ears as she glanced around at classmates and their families. She had encountered this scene in front of her for five years prior, ever since she was 11 years old. Now 16, she would be returning to Hogwarts for her sixth year. Memories of those past years flooded into her mind, filling her heart with a warm sort of ache. 

"Here baby," Lily's father said as he handed her a bulging suitcase.

"Dad, I told you not to call me 'baby' in public..." Lily said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, right, that. I won't do it again, I promise," he said with a wink. "Well, I guess this is the time when we have to say goodbye, eh? Oh I always hate this part."

"Don't worry dad, I'll write to you every month, as always."

"I know, but it's just not the same as seeing your beautiful face everyday."

"Don't forget your mother dear! Now come here and give me hug," Lily's mother, Violet, said. Lily set down her bags and gave her mother a long hug. She tried to pull away, but her mother refused to let her go.

"Mum, please, I have to go now." Her mother reluctantly let her go, brushing a piece of deep auburn hair out of her daughter's face.

"Now, you be a good girl this year. I don't want to hear of any trouble from you, young lady." Lily rolled her eyes and picked up her bags once again.

"I know, I know. What trouble could I possibly get into? I'm just a perfect little angel who does everything she's told..." She said with spite. Her parents didn't seem to pick up on the sarcasm.

"That's my girl. Now you stay away from those boys, you hear? They only have one thing in mind, and that is--" her father started, but was cut short by Lily.

"Dad!" She hissed, looking around to see if anyone had heard. "Okay, I really have to go now. I'll write every month, okay? See ya at Christmas! I'll miss you guys, I love you, bye!" Lily said quickly, then immediately started to weave her way through the milling students towards the grand scarlet train before her parents could stop her.

"Goodbye honey! Have a great year! We'll miss you!" Her parents shouted after her. Lily felt a small pang of guilt for brushing off her parents like that, but the last thing she wanted was to be seen by a classmate being kissed and fussed over by her parents. She was a 16 year old woman, for the love of fizzing whizbees! Not like anyone_would_ notice, though. For the past five years at Hogwarts, Lily had been cursed with the gift of inconspicuousness. She had always been somewhat of a nobody...never really noticed by others. It wasn't that she was disliked, she was basically just regarded as another insignificant face in the crowd. She yearned to get away from the boring, plain Jane image she had gotten herself into.

More than anything, she so desperately wanted romance. Ever since her days of pigtails and tea parties she had swooned over romance novels and the idea of being whisked away by a knight in shining armor. Unfortunately for her, however, nothing in her life so far had even brushed the surface of this fantasy. Boys simply did not seem to notice her. Sure, there had been those anonymous valentines she recieved every year, and that time in fourth year when Gregory Hill, a Ravenclaw, asked her on a date to Hogsmeade - though that ended with him spending a week in the hospital wing from an allgeric reaction to a bee sting.

"Lil!" Lily's train of thought was broken when she heard someone squeal her name. She looked up and saw Cherise Adams, her best friend, running toward her. Cherise was the type of person that would tell you that you look fat in an outfit without a second thought. She was just that brutally honest. Cherise always the upfront and bold one, Lily found this polarity to herself a refreshing addition to her life.

"Lil! Oh my gosh, I haven't seen you all summer! How are you? Oh you look so good! You've changed so much!" Cherise chirped. It was true, Lily_had_ changed over the summer. Though she had always been a good looking girl, she now looked like a good looking woman. Her auburn hair had grown longer and shinier, and her face finally decided to mature to the profile of a lady.

"Rise (a/n: pronounced "reese")! Oh I missed you so much! You look great yourself. Your hair! It looks fantastic!" Lily replied.

"Yeah, that down-to-my-bum look just wasn't working for me. So...I chopped it off! Or, rather, Pierre did," she wiggled her eyebrows and ran her fingers through her now above-the-shoulder, raven black hair. "Hey, let's get you on the train and greet the others. They're all dying to see you! Oh and just wait till they do," Cherise winked at Lily and ushered her down the train to the end compartment.

By "they", she meant Lily's two other good friends, Marilyn O'Hara and Scarlett Monroe. Marilyn had straight blonde hair which went a short ways past her shoulders. She was quite bubbly and vivacious, and argueably the most...er...blonde out of the group, literally and figureatively. Scarlett had wavy, dark chestnut brown, about the same length as Marilyn's. Scarlett tended to stay more subdued than the others, though when combined with her respective other half - Marilyn - she could giggle and ferret around with the best of them.

Upon entering, Lily was attacked from both sides by two whirlwinds of giddiness.

"Lily! Gosh, you look amazing! I'm so glad to see you girl!" Marilyn squealed and pulled Lily into a tight hug.

"Yeah, you look so different, Lil," Scarlett said in awe. "Did my little Lilykins grow up on me?" she cooed in a baby voice.

"Oh shove it, Scarlett," Lily teased. "Anyway, it's great seeing you all again. You don't know how boring it is during the summer without you. I wish we didn't live so far apart."

"Hey, we're here now, so let's enjoy it! Come on you guys, let's go see how summer treated the male half of Gryffindor," Marilyn said in a purr. This plan was met with instantaneous agreement.

The four giggly girls practically bounced out of the compartment and down the hallway. They walked as casual as possible, all the while glancing nonchalantly into open compartments.

"Oh my gosh, there's Sirius," Cherise whispered urgently to the others.

Sirius Black was undoubtedly the most wanted guy at Hogwarts. He had messy chocolate brown hair that always insisted on hanging over his eyes - but who could blame it? His eyes were piercing blue and seemed to see through to one's soul, all the while harboring a puppy-like playfulness ready to pounce. His smile could melt any girl who got a glimpse of it, and often did. He always knew the perfect thing to say - and his charm? Unmatchable. He was often the source of numerous pranks played around the school (most often aimed towards Slytherin), which only seemed to increase his animal magnetism. In other words, he was every girl's dream.

Unfortunately, that was all he'd ever be to Lily - a dream. Sirius never seemed to notice her, let alone talk to her. He was like a mirage...delicious and irresistable from afar, but the closer you get, the more impossible it became. Despite the towering odds against her, she just couldn't suppress her head-over-heels feelings. She was hooked ever since that day in first year when she had dropped her Transfiguration book and Sirius had picked it up for her. There was just no turning back.

They all stiffened up and looked for the subject of Cherise's claim. About two doors away from where they were standing, a door to a compartment was partly open, revealing the infamous Sirius Black and his followers. They edged closer for a better look, but remained careful to not be seen.

Each girl melted simultaneously as they gazed upon that creature of perfection known as Sirius Black. Their dream-like state was broken like a bullet through glass when a certain busty blonde plopped down beside the object of their desire.

"Samantha Creevy!"

Samantha had seen fit to drape as much of herself across Sirius as possible. Practically sitting on his lap, her mouth seemed quite busy with his neck. Sirius wasn't showing any signs of disapproval for the situation. Peter Pettigrew, sitting right next to the Sirius/Samantha experience, was trying desperately to occupy himself with something other than the couple next to him. Remus Lupin and James Potter, the other accessories in Sirius's entourage, were presumably in the seats across from Peter and Sirius, though Lily and the others couldn't see from their position. Although she would've bet 10 galleons that Remus was reading a book and James was polishing his beloved broomstick or something of the sort. Each Marauder harbored an obsession that seemed to rule their lives: For Sirius it was girls; Remus - studying; James - quidditch; Peter - fitting in.

"What wouldn't I give to be Sam Creevy right now?" Scarlett sighed.

"I know what you mean..." Lily said quietly.

"Well, now we know that Sirius certainly has grown 100 times hotter over the summer," Marilyn giggled. The other three girls nodded in agreement.

"What's up with Sirius and Samantha? Are they dating or something? I mean, look at them!" Lily asked, implying the randy scene before their eyes. Cherise glanced over at the couple, then shook her head.

"Dating? Nope. Well, at least I don't think so. They've always been cozy like that, but they've never officially gotten together. It's like they like to play with each other or something, but nothing more." Cherise shrugged. Lily looked at her thoughtfully for a second, then back over at Sirius. Samantha had moved from his neck to now his mouth, and Sirius was definitely kissing back. Lily felt sick. Not because of the kiss, she'd definitely seen her share of those around the castle, but because of the indescribable need to be the one in Samantha's place.

"Let's go back to our compartment, you guys. As much as I love staring at Sirius, this whole Samantha thing is making me sick." Marilyn said, voicing Lily's thoughts.

As her friends turned back, Lily lingered one more second to gaze at him. He was so...perfect. Why couldn't she ever have a chance with him? Sighing, she forced herself to turn around, and joined her friends.

* * *

Several hours later, the impressive silhouette of Hogwarts graced the horizon. No matter how many times Lily had taken that train ride, the first glimpse of that majestic castle always got her. She took a deep breath of that feeling which she loved so much and mindlessly tapped her fingers on the bottom of the window. 

Soon the train had reached its destination, and all the students were ushered into the school by way of horseless carriages. Stepping into the Great Hall, Lily couldn't suppress a smile. Looking over at her friends, it was apparent they all felt the same way. The look, smell, feel of it all crept under their skin and brought back happy memories of years gone past. Hogwarts was truly their home.

Just upon entering they sighted the Marauders already seated, therefore causing a strategic route for the girls to their usual spot at the Gryffindor table. As Lily passed behind Sirius, he turned his head to look at her. An instant shiver of thrill and franticness passed down her spine at this small gesture of ackowledgement. She bashfully smiled at him and kept walking. Head and heart a-flutter, it was all she could do to stay standing. But no...she must've been mistaken. He must've been looking at someone else. Yes, that was it, she convinced herself. Why would he pay HER any attention? She didn't see, however, that after she passed him, two pairs of eyes continued to watch her walk away.

* * *

After receiving schedules during breakfast the next day, the student body dragged itself through the corridors to officially start the new school year. Lily's first class was Muggle Studies with Professor Miranda Hilton (as did all three of her friends since they conspired to match their classes). 

"Yet another year with Hilton the Horrible," groaned Marilyn.

"I can't wait to see what huge project she's got planned already," Scarlett said sarcastically. Professor Hilton was notorious for assigning major projects as much as possible, even on the first day of school.

"Oh I hate those monster projects of hers. They take like a month to finish," Lily whined.

"What are you complaining about? You always get perfect marks on every project you turn in!" Marilyn barked.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I_like_ doing them."

"But--"

"Shut up you guys! We're here...unfortunately," Cherise announced grimly as she reluctantly opened the door to the classroom.

They stepped inside and sat down in their usual seats. For a moment it felt as if they had never even left the school for three months, it just all felt so familiar. Slowly, the classroom filled up with students, many of them hugging and greeting each other happily. The Marauders hadn't arrived yet, so Lily was watching the doorway anxiously, wanting to get the very first glimpse of Sirius when he walked in.

Sirius ended up walking in the door just moments after the bell to signify the start of class had rung. Samantha was following close behind him like a puppy, and the rest of the group followed after that. They took their seats in the back of the room where they preceded to stretch out as if getting ready for a long nap which, knowing the Marauders, was what they were most likely going to do.

Professor Hilton eyed the group suspiciously.

"Why, thank you so much Mr. Black, for gracing us all with your presence this morning."

"No prob teach," Sirius said smoothly. Lily melted inside. Even his voice was perfect.

Professor Hilton rolled her eyes and dismissed the comment. She then picked up a large stack of parchment and began passing them out. The class groaned simultaneously.

"Now, now. There's no need for that, students. This sheet that I am handing out is simply an outline of this year's subject matter," Professor Hilton said, as if that should cheer them up.

It didn't.

"An report on the full life of Shak...Shaksper...WHAT?" Marilyn spluttered.

"That's Shakespeare, hun," Lily aided. This made no effect whatsoever on the hopeless look plaguing Marilyn's face.

"He's a muggle poet and playwright from...a long time ago," Lily explained. Being the only muggle born of her friends, she wasn't new to the job of explaining anything from television to a microwave to them.

Cherise was looking from her assignment sheet to the others', obviously seeing if the others were as confusing as her own. In the end she gave up and resigned to puppy dog eyes aimed at Lily. Lily simple laughed and smiled at her friend.

"Don't worry Rise, I'll help you a bit," she confirmed.

"Speaking of help, Miss Evans," Professor Hilton said to the class, picking up on the girls' conversation. "I have decided to begin a new system for tutoring, seeing as last year's method failed miserably." She stopped to glare at the Marauders, who had began snickering. She cleared her throat. "Anyway, this year we will have the top students in the class help out the students who aren't doing so well, and those students who do help tutor will receive extra credit according to how much their pupil has improved." She looked around the room for signs of approval.

No one moved.

"So that is the way it will work. Any questions?"

Again, no one moved.

"Very well. Next month I will notify the students who will be eligible to tutor. Now, everyone take out your textbooks and turn to page 27. The first section will be doing is Shakespeare and his life. Take out some parchment and a quill, I expect you all to take good notes. Remember, you have a report on this due at the end of the term!"

Lily sighed and began scribbling notes on her parchment. She glanced over at the Marauders, and noticed that not a single person in that corner had so much as a quill on their desk, let alone a textbook. Sirius and James were finding much more amusement in flinging toothpicks (confiscated from the Great Hall, no doubt) at each other than actually joining in the lesson. Remus was smiling cheekily at a brunette seated next to him. Peter was...well, who cares about him.

Suddenly she felt like an idiot. Why couldn't she just kick back and relax like them? Then they might accept her, or even talk to her.

She sighed again, and averted her eyes away from the beautiful people in the corner. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't change herself to fit their standards. She'd just have to accept that she'd never be one of them. Ever.

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Well there you have it. Hope you enjoyed! I know it's pretty... bland right now... very unoriginal-ish and all that jazz, but more is to come! It'll get better, I promise. I have oodles more done already, I just wanted to throw this out there as a taste test to see if people 'mmm'ed or spit it out. So go on and lemme know by reviewing.

-Ciao.


	2. Two Marauders With One Stone

Wow. I am just soo...HAPPY! People actually like this. -Beams with pride- Or at least they SAY they do...-Shifty eyes-. 

Anywho - I'd like to thank all the people who reviewed and anyone else who read - Y'ALL ROCK! And you make Cindy happy. Tee Hee.

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**"Two Marauders With One Stone"**

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The weeks passed fairly quickly and soon Hogwarts found itself immersed in October. 

Lily and her friends were just descending the stairs from their dormitory to head to breakfast when none other than Sirius Black appeared from the direction of the boys dorms. All four girls were about to faint from being in his heavenly presence when he actually came right up next to them and began walking right beside them.

"Hey! Linda...right?" he said to Lily, who was right next to him.

Lily's face instantly burned red. _He_ was talking to _her_. Sirius Black. Great hair... great smile... yes,_that_ Sirius Black. Oh. My. God.

Her thoughts began swirling in a frantic motion. She would've replied, except for the fact that her voice was nowhere to be found. She quickly glanced at her friends to find each of them gawking at Sirius as if he had sprouted a hippogriff on his head.

Deciding she better say something back to him before she turned to stone, she forced words to escape her mouth.

"Uh...actually, it-it's Lily. Lily Evans," she stuttered bashfully.

"Oh well, same difference," he shrugged. "Anyway, I was wondering if I could perhaps accompany you down to breakfast." He smiled his prize winning smile at her.

Lily couldn't breathe. The boy she had swooned over for five years, yet had never really talked to, was asking to walk with her to breakfast.

"M-me? Why?" she asked.

"Well, a pretty little lady like yourself needs a big, strong man like me to protect you in these dangerous halls."

Lily blushed even more, if that was possible. Did she just hear the words 'pretty little lady' come out of Sirius Black's mouth? Meaning HER? This had to be a dream...

"Of course she wants you to escort her! What a kind gesture," Cherise answered to Sirius, since Lily had apparently forgotten how to speak.

Sirius smiled again and offered his arm to Lily. At first she just admired it, wide-eyed, like a child does with a forbidden cookie jar. That is, until Scarlett elbowed her in the side urging her to take it. Lily got the hint and slipped her arm through his, smiling sweetly up at him.

"Yes. That would be wonderful."

* * *

For Lily, breakfast seemed like some sort of hallucination. Like the whole thing was the product of one too many butterbeers. When she had walked into the Great Hall on the arm of Sirius Black, all heads turned to look at them. Whispers spread like a contagious disease when the crowd saw that Sirius was hanging out with "that one girl"...whatever her name was. 

Girls shot venemous glares at Lily, while boys snapped their necks with double-takes. It was undeniable - Lily looked good. Plus, having one of the most gorgeous guys in school hanging on her arm didn't hurt.

Lily soaked in every glorious second. This was her dream, what she had longed for since her first year at the school. Now she had it.

Lily and Sirius walked like a king and queen through the hall, Cherise, Marilyn, and Scarlett following behind, giggling giddily.

The glowing group of five seated themselves at the girls' usual spot.

"Would you like me to fix you a plate?" Sirius offered to Lily. Her friends giggled some more. They had been doing so ever since Sirius had come up to them in the common room.

"Sure," Lily replied dreamily.

Sirius began filling a plate with eggs, toast, and bacon from dishes in the center of the table. He placed it in front of Lily and began making one for himself.

Lily looked to her friends and widened her eyes in a way that screamed _I-can't-believe-this-is-happening!._ Her friends returned the look, then smiled innocently at Sirius who was eyeing the girls curiously.

They had just started eating when a certain blonde haired princess took it upon herself to crash the party.

"Sirius! What are you doing over here?" Samantha Creevy barked. "I miss you over at our end of the table," she added sweetly, batting her eyelashes expertly.

"I wanted to hang out with Lily," Sirius shrugged.

"Who?" she asked.

Sirius tilted his head towards Lily who was sitting to his left. Samantha's face turned extremely sour.

"Why are you hanging out with _her_?" she spat, with extra spite on the 'her'.

Lily was beginning to feel increasingly uncomfortable.

"Back off blondie!" Cherise shouted. "Just because your little boy toy wanted to sit with some other people today doesn't give you any right to freak out. And don't you ever insult my best friend again." She was now standing and looking Samantha right in the eye.

"What are you talking about? I didn't say a thing about your little friend."

"You didn't have to. I could hear it in your voice," Cherise snapped.

Samantha and Cherise were glaring dangerously at each other when Scarlett stood up.

"Cool it, girls! Let's not get into some nasty cat fight here. Sirius is just eating breakfast at this table today, nothing more. End of story. Now can you all just calm down?" Scarlett hated conflict, therefore dubbing her mediator at times like these.

"Can't the boyfriend stealing tramp even speak for herself?" Samantha said acidly.

Lily felt her face turn the color of her hair. She desperately wanted a hole to crawl into and die at the moment.

"She doesn't need to speak for herself because there's nothing to say," Sirius chimed in. "And she isn't a 'boyfriend stealing tramp' because, first of all, I'm not your boyfriend, and secondly, _I_ was the one who asked to sit with her."

Samantha puffed up indignantly and stormed back to her crowd of admirers. Cherise and Scarlett returned to sitting, their mutual sense of accomplishment shining like an aura around them both.

"Sorry about her. She goes nutters anytime I even so much as look at another girl," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Why aren't you two together? It always seems like you are, but...?" Marilyn inquired.

"I like my freedom I guess," Sirius shrugged.

"So you don't ever want a girlfriend?" Cherise asked.

"Sure... someday. Just not Samantha. She's too clingy and needy. I want a girlfriend, not a pet," he explained, taking a bite out of his toast.

"So basically you're waiting for the right girl," Lily concluded. Sirius nodded his head.

"Yeah, but I know she can't be too far..." Sirius said, looking directly at Lily. They exchanged brief smiles. Sirius gave a wink, and returned to his breakfast.

If Lily acted upon the emotions that were bouncing around in her stomach at that moment, she would've been asked to leave the Hall - if that's any indication at how tickled pink she was.

She glanced down at her untouched breakfast and realized that she wasn't even hungry anymore. How could she eat when she had just learned that she had the most gorgeous guy in school practically in the palm of her hand? Nevertheless, she forced a few bites of egg down so she wouldn't look so out of place around her friends who were shoveling down food like there's no tomorrow.

After breakfast, Sirius walked with Lily and her friends to their first class (yes, still Muggle Studies). On their way there, the topic of tutoring came up.

"I just know that I'm going to be one of the tutorees, like always," Sirius revealed.

"So you don't do so well in Muggle Studies?" Marilyn asked.

"Never have," Sirius said almost proudly. "So every year I have to be in that stupid tutoring program of Professor Hilton's. Usually, it's just some teachers staying a few hours after class to re-teach everything to you. As if that makes a difference. And, er, I don't suppose my handling of the situation helped things either," he chuckled to himself.

"What do you mean by that?" Lily raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think your virgin ears can handle it," Sirius grinned evilly at her.

"Try me!" Lily mirrored his expression. Sirius seemed intrigued by this sudden zest in her. He snaked his arm over her shoulders and proceeded with his story.

"Weeeell...me and James, the brilliant minds we are--"

"Says Mr. Failed-Tutoring," Cherise interrupted.

"Hey now, it's not my fault that muggles are impossible to understand."

"Um, muggle here...?" Lily spoke up, motioning towards herself for emphasis.

"Not that it's bad thing!" Sirius recovered smoothly. "Besides, I enjoy a sense of mystery in a woman."

Lily smiled at his cheeky save.

"ANYway..." Sirius began again. "So every week we had to go sit and listen to those old bags ramble on and this and that, which was a perfect waste of time better spent doing something productive - like having a 'chat' with dear Snivellus, for example, so we devised a plan to get out of it."

The girls were plainly hanging on every word he said. Sirius lapped up the attention like honey.

"So right when we got to the classroom, as the teachers were getting ready up front, we cast a sleeping charm on the chairs they would be sitting in, meaning when they sat down in them the charm would spread over their bodies. Five minutes later - all the teachers were passed out cold on the floor. We then took empty butterbeer bottles out of our bags and set them next to each teacher - you know, for a little presentation. We left the scene of the crime immediately, but somehow old Dumbly figured out it was us. Said our names popped right into his head once he walked into the room and saw his staff members unconscious on the floor," Sirius finished with relish.

"And you take pride in this sort of thing?" Lily questioned.

"You say that as if I shouldn't!" Sirius exclaimed with mock astonishment.

Lily merely shook her head and laughed. "And will that little episode be repeated when students are doing the tutoring?"

"Depends..." Sirius said airily. "If the tutor looks anything like you, I'd be more inclined to place a gluing charm on the seat."

"Looks like you're in luck!" Cherise chirped. "Lil here is a wiz at Muggle Studies - for obvious reasons - and I'm sure she'd be_more_ than pleased to give you some assistance."

Lily widened her eyes dangerously at her officious friend.

"Actually that's just what I was hoping for," he said, grinning. Lily blushed.

"Of course I'll help you out," she said. Sirius smiled once more before opening the door to their class.

"Ladies," he said as a prefect gentleman, allowing the girls to step through the door first.

"Why thank you," Lily giggled. Cherise, Marilyn, and Scarlett followed in a similar manner. They headed toward their usual seats, Sirius, to their pleasant surprise, following suit.

"You're even going to sit with us in class?" Lily asked dubiously.

"Of course," Sirius said as if it were obvious. He took a seat next to Lily, casually dismissing the bewildered stares he was receiving from classmates.

The bell rang shortly, bringing the remaining Marauders sauntering into the room. When Samantha entered and saw Sirius sitting next to another woman other than herself, she nearly choked on her bubblegum. She threw an evil glare at Lily and stalked to her own seat. James and Remus (and Peter, I'm sure) caught sight of Sirius's new seating preference, and seemed for a moment to be torn on whether they were supposed to do so as well. By some sort of tacit knowledge they decided to concede with their normal seats.

Class continued as normally as possible, given the sudden shift in cosmic balance due to Sirius's change of seating arrangement. The Marauder corner was noticeably quieter, as James had lost his other half and therefore had resigned to staring in the direction of Sirius, though the exact object of his gaze was not certain. Lily was acting off-kilter as well, as she was finding it extremely difficult to take proper notes, what with the amount of hotness radiating from the seat next to her.

Professor Hilton rambled on for the remainder of the class, until finally the bell to freedom rang. It was lunchtime. The students scrambled noisely to grab their things and run out the door as fast as they could.

"Would the following students come up to my desk please?" Professor Hilton shouted over the chaos. "Renetta Applegate, Sharon Duvile, Lily Evans, Radley Smithe, and Nessa Taylor."

Lily had grabbed her stuff and was just about to go up to the professor's desk when she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Sirius.

"Remember to get me as your student for that tutoring jazz, okay?"

"Of course!" Lily smiled.

"Wicked. I'll see you at lunch then," he said before walking off with the crowd. Lily couldn't help but smile as she watched him walk away. She was about to become his tutor, which meant a whole lot of intimate time together. Study sessions, all alone together...just her and him. It was wonderful to think about.

Lily turned around and made her way to the professor's desk (in a rather floaty manner, given her current state of happiness), which was already crowded by several other students.

"Are you all here? Yes, yes I think so. Okay then, I will now be assigning each of you a student to tutor. You will be tutoring this same student for the entire semester unless either of your grades change and suggest otherwise," Professor Hilton explained.

"Wait, _you're_ assigning the pairs? I thought we got to pick!" Lily exclaimed.

"Of course I am assigning the pairs, Miss Evans. If I let you choose then I am certain that no real work would be accomplished. Friends tutoring friends always seems to result in more goofing off than learning. So, yes, I am going to assign the student you tutor."

Lily's heart sank. It was all so_perfect_ before Little-Miss-Stupid- Teacher had to go and nose her way into matters she didn't understand.

"Renetta, you will tutor Mr. Pettigrew. Sharon, Mr. Lupin. Lily-" Lily held her breath.

'Please please please please please,' she thought over and over to herself.

"-Mr. Potter..."

And her world came tumbling down.

"_James_?" Lily cried to herself.

"Yes, James Potter," Professor Hilton confirmed, evidently thinking Lily was talking to her.

"Radley, Miss Creevy..." Prof. Hilton continued.

'Poor him,' Lily thought. Radley didn't seem to share this view, however. He was biting his lip to seemingly prevent a broad grin from breaking out and was bouncing happily on the balls of his feet.

"And finally Nessa, you will be tutoring Mr. Black."

Nessa's eyes lit up at this arrangement. Lily, on the other hand, instead gained the sudden urge to hit something. Preferably anyone who looked happier than she felt - like Nessa for example.

"You will be responsible for setting up your own tutoring sessions during your own time. However, I will arrange the first session just to get everyone started. You and your assigned student will meet in this classroom from 3:00-4:00pm next Friday. That way, I will be able to supervise and make sure everything is working out the way it should. After that, each study session is up to you. That is all. You may go to lunch now," the professor finished.

As the group of students rushed towards the door, Lily shot Nessa a look of pure venom. Nessa caught this glance, thus her abnormally quick exit from the classroom.

Lily found her friends eating and talking happily in the Great Hall. She plopped down in the seat next to Sirius and tried her best to hide her growing misery.

"So," Sirius started. "When do we start this tutoring stuff?"

Lily bit her lip and looked at the ground. "Go ask Nessa Taylor," she said bitterly.

Sirius looked positively confused (which didn't stray far from the ordinary).

"Who? What?" he questioned bemusedly.

"Nessa's your tutor."

"What? I thought you were going to be my tutor!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Professor Hilton didn't let us choose. She _assigned_," Lily said with annoyance.

"Damn teacher!" Sirius spat. "I'd like to hex the genius who came up with the notion of assigning partners. It completely defeats the purpose of partnerism!"

Rather than try to understand, Lily simply smiled and shook her head at him.

"So who_did_ you get, Lily?" Cherise joined in.

"James Potter."

"Ay! James is ma' boy!" Sirius boasted happily. "Hey, if you couldn't get me, Jamesy is always second best."

"Yeah, I suppose... but he's just not y--" Lily stopped herself abruptly and found a newfound interest in the table, which she stared at intensely, hoping that might help erase what she just said. She wasn't quite sure how obvious her affections were for Sirius, or if he was just one of those types that assumed he was adored by all by default, but she really wasn't keen on revealing her affections straight out.

Sirus smiled slyly. "Don't worry hun, I'll make sure James treats you real nice-like and all that." He winked once before digging into his food again.

Lily smiled. Whether it was result of Sirius's gentlemanly promise, or simply because of his utter gorgeousness, she didn't know. Nor did she care.

Marilyn began chatting about a stain removing charm she discovered by accident, but Lily didn't feel up to listening. She simply nodded absentmindedly while chewing on her chicken. Instead, her focus was on a dark haired male at the other end of the table. He was taking a bite out of his chicken and nodding at something his sandy haired friend was saying. Much like Lily was doing. Except for the fact that _he_ actually seemed to be paying attention to his friend.

Lily's stomach fluttered strangely. Maybe this tutoring arrangement wouldn't be so bad afterall...

* * *

* * *

And there's chapter numero dos. I know what you're thinking - James is in the picture ALREADY? Worry not. It's all part of the grand scheme of things.

-Thinks if she actually has a 'grand scheme'-

Uh...yeah. Yeah. REVIEW PLEASE : )


	3. Broken Expectations

Did I tell you reviewers how much I SO love you? Because I do. Oh how I do. 

It seems that Sirius is quite popular. Yeah - HE'S HOT. But so is my James. Poor thing isn't really in the story yet, though. Aww. -Hugs poor, forlorn James-

* * *

**"Broken Expectations"

* * *

**Sirius ended up spending the entire day with Lily and her friends, to their pleasant surprise. It was now 9 pm and the five of them were sitting in a circle of chairs in the common room. Lily and Sirius were sitting on the couch together, although at opposite ends. 

"So that's how I got three months worth of detention," Sirius finished proudly.

"It was worth it though, huh? I wish I could be as wild as you. It sounds so fun!" Scarlett giggled.

"It's not so hard. All you have to do is not think," Sirius replied casually. All four girls laughed.

"You make it sound easier than it is. I'd love to be as carefree as you, Sirius. It's like I was born to do what I'm told," Lily pouted.

"I'm sure you have a wild side in you, Lil. Something just has to bring it out. I'm sure I could help," he winked.

Lily giggled. Her friends gave each other knowing looks.

"Um, we've got to go up to bed now. Beauty rest - you know. Sorry to leave you Sirius, but I'm sure Lil here would love to stay with you a little longer," Cherise said with Marilyn and Scarlett nodding behind her.

"Great! Night then," Sirius encouraged.

Lily shot desperate eyes at her friends. She really did not want to be alone with Sirius just yet. She needed back up, support from her friends. How was she supposed to handle such a delicate situation on her own?

Her friends didn't pick up on her discomfort, though, because Marilyn simply winked at Lily, then all three of them walked up the staircase to their dorm. Lily looked back to Sirius and saw him smiling at her. She smiled weakly back.

"Alone at last," he said.

"Y-you wanted to be alone with me?" she asked nervously.

"Well, yeah," he said, moving closer to her.

"...Oh," was all she could get out.

"You know, I'm really disappointed that we can't do that tutoring thing together. It would've been fun," Sirius said. He was only a foot away from her now.

"Yeah, I was really looking forward to it. Too bad the stupid professor had to ruin it, huh?"

"Yeah.." Sirius was inching closer and closer to her face. Lily began to feel extremely uncomfortable.

"Um, so...uh..." she stuttered, backing slowly away from him. "So...why did you hang out with us today anyway? You never really said. I mean, we've never really talked before today, and all of a sudden you become a part of our group," she said, finally voicing the question that had been burning in her mind all day.

"Because I wanted to meet you. You really caught my eye this past month, and I knew that I needed to get to know you better." He was staring straight into her eyes now. "Did I ever tell you that your eyes are so incredibly..._green_?"

"Um...thanks," Lily said uncertainly. "I guess."

"I also want you to know that...I really like you Lily..." he said softly.

"Really?" she whispered.

"Really," he whispered back. He slid closer to her again and began leaning his face closer and closer to hers. Lily's breath caught in her throat. He was going to kiss her, she just knew it. The boy she had dreamed of for so long was going to kiss her. So she should've been leaning in too. She should've been ecstatically happy...but she wasn't. For some reason she had the strange sensation that someone was dropping bricks into her stomach one by one.

Sirius's face was two inches from Lily's when a shrill voice broke the silence.

"SIRIUS!" Samantha cried out. "What the_hell_ are you doing?"

Sirius stopped where he was and rolled his eyes. He then turned around to face Samantha.

"What does it matter to you?" he yelled.

"It matters to me because you're over here trying to get with some girl behind my back!" Samantha cried. "And not just any girl, but that wannabe chick you were hanging with all day!"

Lily felt like she was going to be sick. She was already shaken up enough from the pospected kiss, but having Samantha catch them just made everything ten times worse.

"Once again - what does it matter to you? I told you before - I'm not your boyfriend. You have no right to tell me who I can and cannot kiss. Besides, I've seen you getting a little cozy with Remus lately," Sirius countered.

Samantha brought out her evil eyes and put her hands on her hips.

"At least I know a guy really well before I _get cozy_ with them. Unlike you who pounces on any pretty girl you see. Do you even know her name? Even if you do, it won't matter tomorrow because she'll be out of the picture and you'll have found a new girl and a new toy to play with."

"That is not true!" he shouted at her. "Lil, that's not true," he said turning to face Lily.

Several other people in the common room were beginning to notice this little scene. This caused Lily even more discomfort. She had Samantha glaring at her with evil eyes, Sirius looking pleadingly at her, and now the eyes of everyone else in the room staring at her. It was too much for her to handle.

"I-I..." she stuttered. "I...have to go to bed, goodnight," she said breathlessly before jumping up off the couch and running up the stairs to her dorm.

"Lily, wait!" Sirius hollered after her retreating back.

Samantha smirked triumphantly and strutted back to her friends.

Once Lily reached her door, she stopped to catch her breath and possibly regain control of herself so her friends wouldn't be worried.

Taking a deep breath, she slowly opened the door and walked into the room in what she hoped was a casual manner.

Her friends were in their pjs chatting on Scarlett's bed. When they saw Lily come in, they immediately hopped off and ran over to her, bombarding her with questions from every angle.

"What happened?"

"Did he say anything to you?"

"Did you say anything to him?"

"Did you make eye contact?"

"Did you make any _other_ contact!"

All three girls were jumping around and squealing and nearly bubbling over with excitement. They stared at Lily expectantly, waiting for an answer, a story, a noise, anything. Lily, however, simply stood there with her mouth hanging open, as if trying to say something, but the only words that would come were that of silence.

Her friends' utter excitement slowly began to wear down and shift into worry.

"Lil? ...Lil, what happened?" Marilyn inquired suspiciously.

Lily forced a very unconvicing smile. "Nothing! Nothing happened..." she said lightly. "We just.. uh, talked."

Her friends looked highly skeptical.

"He, uh, he told me my eyes are very...er, green," Lily revealed awkwardly.

"Seriously?" Scarlett raised her eyebrows. "He said _that_?"

"Someone needs to get him a thesaurus..." Cherise commented.

"Better yet, someone should get him a clue," Marilyn chuckled. "So what else did you talk about?"

"Oh you know... just stuff..." Lily replied. "Eesh, I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed now," she said quickly while trying to walk past the wall her friends had created in front of her. Cherise grabbed Lily's arm.

"Come on Lil. We know you're not telling us everything. Something happened down there, and you're not going to bed until we know what it is," Cherise said firmly, looking Lily straight in the eye.

Lily looked down at the ground and swallowed hard.

"He...he tried to kiss me," she said quietly.

All three girls' eyes widened and Marilyn's jaw dropped.

"He tried to kiss you? Oh my God, how wicked!" Marilyn squealed.

"Did you let him? I mean, did you actually kiss?" Scarlett pressed.

"No..." Lily said airily.

"What stopped you?" Cherise asked.

"Samantha," Lily answered grimly.

"Oh no! That cow came back again?" Cherise said with disgust. "What did she say?"

Lily recounted the entire horrible scene between Sirius and Samantha, conveniently leaving out the part where she runs out of the room frantically.

Cherise and Scarlett held sympathy for Lily, but Marilyn looked ready to kill.

"How dare she call you a wannabe! And then all those things she said about Sirius using you. What a complete witch!" Marilyn raged. "She's just jealous that he wants you now, Lil, and not her."

"So is that why you were so shaken up when you got up here? Because of all the stuff Samantha said?" Cherise asked concernedly.

"Yeah I guess so," Lily said. She left out, however, her displeasure with the kiss.

"Don't you believe a word Sam says, Lil," Scarlett said reassuringly. "Sirius would never use you like that, I know it. Didn't you hear all that girlfriend talk at breakfast? He seemed totally serious."

Cherise nodded in agreement while Marilyn paced back and forth behind them, smoke practically billowing from her ears.

"I know. I didn't really believe anything she said, anyway. Afterall, Sirius did say it wasn't true and he seemed pretty genuine," Lily said. "I guess I was just kind of flustered because this is all happening so fast. I mean, he told me that he really likes me and-"

"What! He did? Aww!" Scarlett gushed. Marilyn stopped pacing and joined in with Scarlett's cooing.

"Oh that is so sweet! You are so lucky Lil."

After hearing all of her friends' positive words, her worry about the entire situation started diminishing. Why should she have been so unsettled about it? Afterall, the boy of her dreams was hers for the taking. Wouldn't it be the normal reaction to be thrilled if that such person tried to kiss you? Of course. But Lily couldn't deny the fact that she seriously did not want him to kiss her. It just didn't feel right. What was wrong with her?

Nevertheless, she tried her best to shove those insecurities to the back of her mind and focus more on the fact that Sirius - come on now, _Sirius Black_ - fancied her.

"Yeah... I guess I am pretty lucky," Lily smiled. It was a genuine smile. But then that little something in the back of her head didn't agree. Although her face showed happiness, her eyes were uncertain. Scarlett and Marilyn didn't seem to notice though. They continued giggling and gushing without a second thought. Cherise, however, caught a glimpse of Lily's worry. She saw past Lily's happy facade and looked deeper. Something else was wrong.

* * *

Lily twisted in the last overnight-curler in her hair and walked out of the bathroom. The lights were out and Scarlett and Marilyn were already asleep. Cherise was lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling. She looked at Lily when she walked out. 

Lily smiled at Cherise and made her way over to her own bed, sleep being the only thought in her head. Cherise had other plans, though. Just as Lily was climbing into the warm blankets, Cherise plopped down on the end of her bed.

"You didn't tell us everything, Lil," she said accusingly.

Lily was taken aback. She certainly wasn't expecting this.

"What are you talking about?"

"After you said that Sirius told you he likes you... something was wrong. I could see it in your eyes. You can't hide anything from me, Lily. You should know that by now."

Lily sighed. It was true. Cherise always knew when something was bothering Lily, and the other way around.

"You're right. There is something else..." Lily said quietly. Cherise moved closer and put her hand on Lily's arm.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked sweetly. Lily nodded.

"It's about the kiss."

"Did you actually kiss?" Cherise asked.

"No, and that's the whole point."

Cherise furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"I...I really didn't want him to kiss me. You'd think I would've been pleased about it, but instead I felt...sick..." Lily said in barely a whisper.

"Do you think you were just nervous about your first kiss?"

"No. It was more than that. If it had been that, then I still would've wanted him to kiss me, right? But I didn't want him to. I didn't want to be there, to be so close to him. What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you Lil! Don't you ever think that."

"Then why wouldn't I want him to kiss me?"

"I think it may be because... well, maybe you don't really fancy him as much as you thought," Cherise suggested meekly.

This was not what Lily had expected to hear. Of course she liked Sirius! She had been hopelessly in love with him for years, why would it change so quickly?

"Of course I fancy him!" Lily said indigantly.

"Maybe from afar," Cherise countered. "Just because you think - okay,_everyone_ thinks - Sirius is the most gorgeous guy alive doesn't necessarily mean there's chemistry."

"I don't know Lil... your heart seemed to be telling you something, and that is one thing that doesn't lie."

Lily considered Cherise's words for a moment. Maybe she was right. Maybe her feelings for Sirius_had_ changed. But...no, it couldn't be. She pushed the outrageous thought to the back of her mind. It was absurd to think about.

"No Cherise, I do like him. I really do," Lily said as if trying to convince herself as well.

"If you say so," Cherise sighed. "Just follow your heart, okay?"

Cherise slid off the bed and wandered back to her own, leaving Lily in the dark with nothing but her mixed up thoughts.

* * *

"Lily! Liiii-ly wake up!" Marilyn shouted while shaking Lily a little harder than necessary. 

"What?" Lily answered groggily, reluctantly removing her head from the warm pillow.

"Lil you have to get up! You will _never_ guess who's waiting for you outside our door," Marilyn squeaked excitedly.

"Who? Mickey Mouse?" she retorted sardonically. She was obviously not as bubbly as Marilyn at this time in the morning. Marilyn's bouncy manner was not hiltered in the least by Lily's lack of enthusiasm.

"Nope!" she said brightly. "Try again."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Just tell me then!" she snapped, now feeling very exasperated.

"Sirius!" Marilyn squealed. "He knocked on our door and asked to see you. When I told him that you were still sleeping, he said he'd wait for you! I think he wants to walk with you to breakfast again. Isn't that the sweetest thing?" she finished dreamily.

Lily sprang out of her bed and immediately began rummaging through drawers looking for her clothes.

"He's waiting for me right now? Oh my God, I need to hurry!" she said looking very flustered.

"Slow down! You don't want to look sloppy for him, do you?" Scarlett said from where she was sitting on her bed.

"You're right. I need to collect myself. Breathe, Lily, breathe," Lily said to herself.

As calmly and casually as possible, she finished preparing herself for Sirius. Before walking to the door, she spritzed an extra squirt of perfume on her wrist and neck - just for a little zing.

She walked to the door, placed her hand on the handle, then paused and turned around.

"Aren't you guys coming?" she asked her friends.

"Nah. We want you to have some time alone with Sirius," Scarlett answered.

"Uh...okay then," Lily said uncertainly. She turned back around to face the door. Taking a deep breath, she opened it.

Sirius was leaning against the wall opposite of her, looking very impatient - though handsomely so.

"Er...hey Sirius."

Sirius smiled his classic smile and came over to her.

"Hey yourself. What took you so long?"

"Sorry about that," she said meekly. "But, well, I am a girl you know."

"Oh I know that alright," he said, winking at her. "So let's go to breakfast already," he said as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

His very touch made Lily feel dizzy.

"Yes - let's."

* * *

Upon entering the Great Hall, Lily and Sirius bumped into Samantha. Lily braced herself for another tirade, but to her surprise Samantha stayed silent. Instead, she simply looked both Lily and Sirius up and down, then rolled her eyes and walked away. 

Lily breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing she wanted was to have Samantha make a scene out of her and Sirius in front of the entire school...again.

The couple sat down at the Gryffindor table and piled their plates with food. Sirius sat so close to Lily that a snitch couldn't be placed between them. In addition, he kept brushing his leg against hers. Lily smiled to herself.

"Sorry that Sam had to interrupt us last night," he said. "Maybe we should try it again sometime..." he whispered in her ear.

Lily's eyes widened, but Sirius didn't notice. He began rubbing the back of her neck softly with his hand.

"I was_really_ disappointed when you left..." he continued whispering in her ear.

Lily was beginning to feel the same as she had the night before. She scrunched up her shoulders so Sirius removed hand.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Oh, um...I'm ticklish," she lied.

"Oh, sorry," he laughed.

The atmosphere lightened up as Lily began explaining movies to the hopelessly-wizard Sirius.

"...And there's an endless variety of them. They go from musicals, romance, comedy, horror, and then the action ones where 90 of the movie is just exploding cars and people getting shot by machine guns," Lily explained with a roll of her eyes.

"Woow...that sounds wicked!" Sirius said energetically.

"Oh you are such a boy! All excited about shooting and exploding. That is so typical," she rolled her eyes teasingly.

"How can you not love it? I mean, what's the point of owning a wand if you can't blow up things with it? Anyway, what's your favorite type of...er...moo-vy?"

"Well, I'm quite partial to the romantic ones," she answered matter- of-factly.

"But wouldn't that be all...mushy-gushy stuff?" Sirius asked with disgust.

"Yes. Is there something wrong with that?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's all kisses and boxes of chocolate and...yeah!"

"...and your point?"

"You are such a girl," Sirius said in a girly voice, mocking Lily. "All excited about love and romance. That is so typical."

Lily laughed and hit him on the arm.

"Hey! There is nothing wrong with love and romance. It's all so...well, romantic," she said.

"Very well put," he replied sarcastically.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. What about you? Don't you like romance at all?"

"Nah. I'm a guy, remember?"

"So? That doesn't mean you can't still like it. Tell me, what's the most romantic thing you've ever done for a girl?"

Sirius configured his face into a thinking expression (which wasn't seen very often), then sighed defeatedly.

"I can't think of anything," he said.

"Oh come on! You must've done something romantic for a girl sometime in your long history of womanizing. Like given her a bouquet of roses, planned a surprise picnic, danced with her under the stars...?" Lily drifted off dreamily.

Sirius again looked puzzled. "No, actually I can't think of anything."

Lily looked, and felt, surprised. Either he had a really bad memory or was just a dud when it came to romance.

"Hey Lil, Sirius," Cherise greeted. Her, Scarlett, and Marilyn joined the couple at the table.

"What are you two up to?" Marilyn asked suggestively.

"Eating breakfast. Isn't it obvious?" Lily answered.

"Okay. Just checking," Marilyn winked as the other girls giggled. Lily cleared her throat rather loudly.

"So," she said over her friends' giggles. "Have any of you finished that huge potions essay that's due tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'm just about finished. I'm going to add the final touches tonight," Cherise said.

"Same here," Scarlett said.

"_Finished_?" Sirius asked with astonishment. "I haven't even started!"

"But it's due tomorrow!" Lily gasped.

"What do you think lunch is for?"

"Eating?" Marilyn chimed in.

"For doing homework for last class of course," Sirius explained as if it were obvious.

"Oh I see," Lily laughed. "I guess I need to brush up on my Slackers Code of Conduct."

"I'll get you a copy of the book," Sirius assured her with a wink.

* * *

* * *

Good grief, could I BE any more subtle with that whole Cherise/Lily scene? -rolls eyes- I considered editing that part out, but...didn't. Obviously. It really takes any mystery out of everything though, huh? LoL. Not like y'all didn't already know where this was going. -coughlily&jamespottercough-

Anywho - I know the ending of this chappie was a little...abrupt. Heh. But I couldn't find a good place to stop. So there you have it. I hope it was to your liking!

-Ciao.


	4. A Dash of Prongs

Jeez, you guys. Just make me cry with happiness, why don't you. -Hugs reviewers- 

And I keep seeing so many familiar faces! That makes me smile even more. -Grins like a 5 year old-

FYI: The title of this chapter is supposed to be like a 'dash' as in a recipe. You know? Hopefully.

* * *

**"A Dash of Prongs"**

* * *

Friday arrived quickly, and soon Lily and Sirius found themselves in the Muggle Studies classroom for tutoring. Upon Professor Hilton's orders, Sirius went up to the teacher's desk as Lily went to find a seat. 

Almost instinctively, she sat down in her usual desk for class. It was tucked away in a corner, which was how she liked it. It seemed so foreign without her three best friends surrounding her, though.

Lily sat with her chin resting on her hand while the professor sent each student, one by one, to their designated tutor. The small crowd at the front of the classroom slowly diminished, but her student, James, was yet to be seen.

"Yes, Mr. Black," Lily heard Professor Hilton say. "Your tutor will be Nessa Taylor, that young girl at the end of the room." She pointed to Nessa, and Sirius followed her direction, nodding at Nessa.

Lily sighed wistfully as she watched him walk to the opposite side of the room towards Nessa and away from herself. She should've been tutoring him, not that blonde bimbo. Okay, so she wasn't a bimbo, she was actually very nice, but that still didn't give her any right to steal her man away.

Lily cringed when she saw Nessa smile flirtaciously at Sirius and him smiling back. Sirius sat in the desk in front of Nessa facing backwards toward her. He said something to her that caused her to giggle and twirl a strand of her hair, which made Lily's stomach drop. Whoever said life isn't fair was only too right.

Lily forced herself to stop staring at the couple, as it made her feel strangely ill. She looked around the room at the other students who were already busy working. Where was James? He was already 15 minutes late, the git.

She decided to go up and ask the professor what to do since her student had apparently ditched her, but before she could lift herself off the seat the door opened and in walked James.

"Ah, Mr. Potter. Better late than never," Professor Hilton said.

"Sorry professor, I-" he tried to explain, but was cut off by Hilton.

"No need to explain. You're here, that's all that matters. Now please take a seat with your tutor, Miss Lily Evans."

James turned and glanced around the room to find Lily. As he did so, Lily found herself mesmorized with his eyes. They were an esoteric hazel, so deep that it seemed like they went on forever. They almost seemed to hold a riddle or mystery within them. Lily had never seen such intense eyes as his.

Suddenly, their eyes locked. For the briefest moment, Lily could've sworn she spied the faintest blush occupy James's cheeks. A second later, however, he had regained his complete cool.

He walked over to where Lily was seated, and sat down at the desk next to hers.

"So... Evans, huh? Yeah, Sirius warned me about you," James said.

Lily felt her heart stop. "_Warned_? Wh-What do you mean?" she asked frantically.

"He just told me to remember to keep breathing after being presented with such breathtaking beauty," he answered smoothly.

Lily released a sigh of relief.

"And I sure am glad he let me know beforehand. Otherwise...I would've been a goner." He smiled cheekily.

James sure had a way with words.

Lily smiled with flattery and suppressed a blush from creeping up her face.

"Okay," Lily attempted to get down to business, but her smile refused to leave. "We really should start working. We're already behind."

"Right you are, Miss Evans," James agreed.

"So, what area are you having trouble with?"

"Er...Area? Since when were there 'areas'?"

Lily raised her eyebrows. This was going to be harder than she thought.

* * *

"Okay students," Professor Hilton announced. "This tutoring session is over. You all did a wonderful job. If everyone continues in this manner, I'm sure we will see a vast improvement in many students. Remember, from now on you must arrange your own tutoring sessions. That is all. You are free to go." 

Before the professor had even closed her mouth there was a mad rush for the door. Lily and James were among the few to take their time packing up.

"So when should we meet next?" Lily asked.

"Anytime's fine with me, I guess," James shrugged.

"Well that narrows it down," Lily laughed. "Hm, how about we meet every other Friday? After dinner sometime. Let's say about 7:00. We can meet in the common room. Is that alright?"

"Ay ay, captain," James grinned. "Need me to walk you back?"

"Well, actually Sirius promised to wait for me after, but..."

"But he doesn't seem to be here, does he?" James finished for her.

Lily look around the room to discover the truth in James's claim.

"Did he leave already? But he said he'd wait for me..." Lily said with disappointment as she continued to search the room with her eyes, hoping that he might suddenly appear if she looked hard enough.

"Don't take it personally, doll. Sirius is a hopeless excuse for a gentleman," James said in a reassuring manner.

Lily smirked. "Well, if you put it that way... Is it too late to take you up on that offer?" she asked hopefully.

"Never," James smiled.

Lily returned the smile, and picked up her stack of books and paarchment right before walking out the door with James.

"Oh why do they have to make these books so heavy (a/n: something I, myself, would like to know)?" she groaned under the weight.

"It's nothing for us big, strong manly men," James said in a deep voice while puffing out his chest. He happened to be carrying all his books in one hand.

"Big, strong manly men, huh? Like who?" Lily laughed.

"Like me!" he replied cheerfully, grabbing her books and carrying them under his other arm.

"What a perfect gentleman," Lily said.

"I try," James shrugged. Lily giggled.

They walked in silence for a moment until Lily spoke up again.

"So...you and Sirius are really good friends?"

"More like brothers, now that you mention it."

"So...so he must tell you a lot then, right?"

James gave Lily an appraising look from the corner of his eye. "Why do I have a feeling this is leading somewhere?"

Lily stalled a second to gather up the courage to ask her following question. "Does...or, um, did he...has he ever said any-anything about...me?" She scrunched up her face in embarrassment.

James paused a moment, then spoke in a very serious whisper.

"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," he said with a straight face. It broke into a grin when Lily began laughing.

"Then please don't tell me!" Lily pleaded between giggles.

"Don't worry, I won't," James assured her. "I wouldn't want to kill you anyway."

"That sure is good to know."

By this time they had reached the common room and Lily spotted her friends in their usual corner.

"Thanks for walking with me. Oh, and for carrying my books too," Lily said as she took her things back.

"Anytime," James smiled.

"So, I'll see you later then." Lily attempted a wave (which was not easy with all her books) and walked over to her friends.

"Hey guys, what's up?" she asked as she plopped down on a couch.

"Hey Lil," they said automatically.

"Was that James Potter you just walked in with, Lil?" Marilyn asked with great interest.

"Um, yeah. He's the one I'm tutoring, remember?"

"Oooh you lucky cow. What wouldn't I give to tutor the absolute cutest thing that's ever graced the Quidditch field," Marilyn sighed.

"But what about Sirius? Won't he get jealous?" Scarlett asked dramatically.

"What is there to be jealous about?" Lily blurted. "So we walked here together, what's the big deal? And they're _best friends_. They...have an understanding."

Scarlett and Marilyn eyed each other with knowing looks.

"Sirius walked with another girl too, so it's only fair," Cherise said quietly from where she was curled up in a chair. Her eyes were down, and she seemed to be very absorbed in the homework upon her lap.

"What?" Lily asked. Cherise looked up.

"Sirius came in a while ago with some blonde chick. They're sitting over there now." Cherise motioned her head towards two chairs in the opposite corner of the room, then dropped her eyes back to her homework again.

Lily turned and saw Sirius and Nessa, his tutor, sitting in two armchairs facing each other. Nessa was once again twirling her hair and giggling. Lily experienced that familiar stomach drop.

"Maybe they're still working on the tutoring..." Scarlett suggested hopefully.

"Yeah, probably," Marilyn nodded in agreement. Lily nodded as well, trying to convince herself that Sirius and Nessa giggling together meant nothing.

Cherise merely shrugged her shoulders, never removing her eyes from her work. Lily noticed this, and considered Cherise for a moment. This was very unlike her. Cherise was usually the loud, over-the-top one. She rarely acted this subdued.

"Why are you being so quiet, Rise?" Lily asked.

"Quiet? I'm not being quiet. I'm just finishing my homework."

Lily was unconvinced. She looked to Scarlett to Marilyn for some answers, but they simply shrugged.

This behavior set off an alarm in Lily's head, but she had other issues consuming her mind at the moment. Like Sirius and Nessa for example. When Lily saw them together she felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. It was almost like she was...jealous. But why should she be jealous? It's not like her and Sirius were dating. There was no signed contract that said Sirius had to stay ten feet away from every female except herself, but she still couldn't help but be angry. Did he not tell her that he really liked her just the other night? Did that mean nothing?

"I'll see you guys later," Lily said quickly, then jumped off the couch and went up to her dorm, leaving her friends with confusion written all over their faces.

Collapsing onto her bed, she heaved a long, drawn out sigh. All she wanted right now was to go to sleep. There was too much running through her mind, and she just wanted to forget it all.

Sleep was the answer.

* * *

Sometime late in the night (or early in the morning, rather) Lily woke from a restless sleep. The Sirius-Nessa issue was eating at her much more so than she thought it should. She rolled over to her side and tried to drift away once more, but sleep escaped her. 

There was only one answer to insomnia for Lily.

Quietly, so as not to wake her friends, she threw on her robe and creeped out of the room and down to the common room. It was eerily silent, as would be expected, save for the soft crackle of the ever-alight fire. She seated herself on the couch directly in front of the fire and preceded to stare - not into anything in particular, just...space.

Minute by minute passed of Lily's aimless gaze of thought. Suddenly a voice sounded through the darkness.

"Lily?" it whispered. The deepness revealed instantly that it was male, but past that all options were open.

Surprisingly, Lily wasn't at all taken by scare by this out-of- nowhere visitor. The voice was soothing and contained a sense of familiarity, as if this voice had spoken to Lily every day of her life, even in her dreams.

"James?" Lily whispered back when the owner of the soft voice stepped forward into the firelight. "What are you doing down here?"

"Hunting down naughty little girls who should be in bed at this hour," he taunted whilst sitting himself down beside her. "And perhaps I was finding sleep rather difficult, so I came down here to clear my thoughts."

"You never told me you were a mind reader, Potter," Lily smiled meekly.

"I didn't know I was one," he said, smiling in return.

Lily sighed and returned her gaze to nowhere.

"Problem plauging the lovely Miss Evans, hm?" James mused.

"I don't know if you could call it that, persay..." Lily looked down to her fidgeting fingers. "More like my own ruddy paranoia..."

"Care to share with the class?"

Lily looked up at James and smirked. "You actually care to know what's bothering me?"

"Of course," James said genuinely.

"Well, I-I don't know if I should...say..." she trailed off nervously.

"And I don't want to force you. I'm just offering a friendly ear."

Lily looked him in the eyes, those same hazel skies she had encountered eariler that day. James's true concern was written there...Lily felt as if she could read him by heart through those eyes.

"It's about Sirius..." she voiced softly. "And Nessa."

James remained the listener as he waited for her to elaborate.

"It's just that...I don't know. When I saw them together today...they were so...so..._friendly_. You know? And...URGH, this sounds_so_ stupid now that I'm saying it our loud," Lily laughed to herself.

"Things always do once you see them from a different perspective," James offered.

"Ack, I can't believe I was stressing over this a minute ago. I guess it's just that...I hate to see Sirius so flirty with another girl when he seems so intent on ME all the time. What if...oh I don't know. I'm just being stupid, that's all."

"No you're not!" James argued. "You have a right to feel this way, Lily, I promise. And hey, I've known Sirius my entire life, and when he's hooked on a girl - I know it. And from the way he talks about you--"

"He talks about me?" Lily asked excitedly.

"Of course he does. And I can tell he's more than a little interested in you," James revealed with a hollow smile.

Lily positively beamed. "Oh that is so wonderful to hear!" She leaned over and hugged him. "Thank you James."

James closed his eyes and smiled, unknowest to Lily. "Anything for a damsel in distress," he replied in that same soft voice used in his initial entrance to the room.

They were both so blissfully wrapped up in the hug that they almost forgot to pull apart - until a crash (followed by a colorful exclamation) from the stairs caused them to nearly jump through the ceiling.

Seconds later, a tousled-looking Remus stumbled into view.

"Okay, who left the damn box of Filibuster fireworks on the stairs?" he said with grief.

"Remus?" James questioned with disbelief. "What're you doing here?"

"Trying to locate the whereabouts of a certain Quidditch captain who is missing from his bed, possibly?"

"Worried sick about me, are you?" James grinned.

"More like searching for a good excuse to get away from Peter's snores. I'm surprised the Hufflepuffs haven't filed a complaint for the noise yet."

"Well you found me. You win. Good bye," James waved off his friend.

Remus rolled his eyes at him. "Love you too, hunny."

"I'll meet you back there in a sec," James said, widening his eyes purposefully at Remus.

Remus looked from Lily to James, then mouthed what looked like 'But - Padfoot' and widened his eyes in the same manner.

James made one more subtle motion for Remus to leave, then turned back to Lily. Remus, giving up, walked carefully back to the boys dorm.

"So..." James started, attempting to re-start what they had going before Remus decided to crash into the picture.

"So...what?" Lily shook her head.

"Er...I don't know! I'm so lost now. Damn Moony!" James chuckled.

Lily chuckled a bit as well. "Wait...what? Moony? What's that?"

James suddenly realized the error of his ways. "Oh...er...nothing. It's just some stupid...inside joke between us guys."

Lily narrowed her eyes skeptically at James's obvious discomfort with the question, but shrugged it off.

"Hey," Lily said, "you never told me why_you_ are down here so late at night. I spilled my heart out to you, it's only fair you return the favor."

James regained his nervous twitch and appeared to be thinking fast of something to say.

"Well...I think we'd better save that for another midnight chat, don't you think?"

"Hypocrite."

"One of the best," he grinned.

"Well I guess I should be going back to bed. I don't want to wake up looking like a swamp monster."

"You'll look beautiful no matter what," James said quietly.

Lily tilted her head and smiled at him. "Thank you, James. And not just for that, but...but for being here...with me. For listening. No matter how ridiculous my problem was," she chuckled lightly. "I really feel much better now."

She stood up and started back for her dorm, but hesitated a moment and turned right back around and kissed James on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Mr. Potter."

* * *

Lily awoke the next morning to find the room empty. Her friends had apparently already left for breakfast. 

"Fine, just ditch me like that..." she grumbled to herself as she staggered towards the bathroom.

Thirty minutes later Lily walked into the common room. Her friends were nowhere in sight, so she decided that they had in fact already gone to breakfast. Sirius, however, was over in a corner with the Marauders. Lily spotted him, but decided it would be better to leave him be. She didn't want to intrude.

By chance she happened to catch James's eye, who grinned at her. She returned the favor and headed for the portrait hole. Just as she was leaving, she heard someone holler her name.

"Lil! Hey!"

Lily snapped her head around to see Sirius running over to her.

"There you are. I was wondering when you were going to come down," Sirius said.

"Really?" Lily smiled.

"Of course. I didn't want to lose track of my favorite gal."

Lily melted inwardly. _Favorite gal - Take that, Nessa Taylor_.

"So let's go," Sirius said as he placed his arm around her waist and headed for the portrait hole.

"Sirius?" Lily stopped in her tracks.

Sirius seemed confused. "Uh...yeah?"

"Why don't you ever invite the rest of your friends to hang out with us? I mean...don't you feel bad for leaving them all the time?"

Sirius's confusion only seemed to grow. "You mean you _want_ them around?"

"Well...why not? I've met James and he's great. I'd love to get to know Remus and...that other guy better.

"Oh." Sirius said simply. "I thought you'd be more comfortable with just me, but...in that case... OY GUYS! OVER HERE!" he bellowed across the room. At first James, Remus, and Peter looked confused (_must be a guy thing_, Lily thought), then shrugged and joined Lily and Sirius.

"What do you want so badly that you have to holler like a bloody madman like that? Wanker!" James said before playfully shoving Sirius in the shoulder.

"Hey now!" Sirius reprimanded. "No violence in front of the lady." He smiled cheekily at Lily.

"Well...? What do you want?" Remus asked.

"Actually...it's Lily who requested your presence."

James snapped his head to look at Lily with a serious expression which slowly morphed into a subtle smile.

"Well...I just thought that...that it wasn't fair that me and my friends should steal Sirius away so much of the time--"

"Oh I wouldn't call it _stealing_, my dear," Sirius explained. "More like mercilessly attracting."

Lily blushed and continued. "Anyway, so I guess I just thought that we could...you know...all hang out together. At least sometimes." She looked expectantly at each face, hoping for positive reactions.

James was the first to smile. Next was Remus. Then Peter.

"Well what are we waiting for? Food awaits!" Sirius exclaimed, once again slipping his arm around Lily's waist.

* * *

Down in the Great Hall, Lily's friends were more than a little surprised to find the remaining Marauders accompanying the usual pair of Lily and Sirius. 

"Er...Lily?" Cherise questioned, hinting towards the new guys.

"Um, yeah, you guys, Sirius's friends are going to sit with us today. Because I asked them to," Lily finished for clarity.

Marilyn was eyeing James and Remus with great interest. "Noo problem here..." she said while keeping her eyes right on target.

Scarlett elbowed Marilyn in the side. "Quit undressing them with your eyes, you randy cow!" she hissed into her ear.

"I have no idea what you're talking about..." she said innocently. Once second later her stare had returned along with a subtle evil grin. Scarlett rolled her eyes and gave up.

Sirius and Lily sat next to Scarlett and Marilyn, while Remus, James, and Peter sat down next to Cherise on the other side of the table.

As they began eating, Lily was pleased to find that conversation was not strained at all. Quite the contrary - Marilyn was more than interested in James's quidditch stories, and everyone else was enjoying themselves by making fun of the professors.

"...And Professor Binns!" Cherise said with a laugh. "He _always_ falls asleep during tests!" she giggled.

"Yeah!" Peter joined in. "The way he snores...HA!"

"I wouldn't be so quick to talk, Pete," Remus snorted. "I bet you could give Professor Binns a run for his money..." Everyone laughed besides Peter, who looked rather pale.

"I could?" he squeaked.

Remus tried to subside his chuckles as he continued. "Yeah...last night when I found Lily and James in the com-- OW! What the hell?" Remus rubbed his leg where James had kicked it. Realizing he shouldn't have said that particular detail out loud, he made a feeble attempt at covering it up. "Er...I mean! Uh...Did I say Lily? Heh...I meant--"

"What are you talking about?"

Too late. Sirius had picked up on the scent.

Remus looked miserably over at James and tried to apologize silently. James just shook his head briefly and looked to Sirius.

"It was nothing Sirius. I went down to the common room late last night and found Lily there, so we talked for a bit."

Lily finally joined in. "Yeah, um, we just talked, don't worry."

Sirius looked from Lily to James. "Well of course you did. What else would you do? I'm not about to accuse my best mate of fooling around with my girl behind my back," he chuckled.

James and Lily shared a smile of relief across the table. Although nothing_had_ happened, they didn't want to create a mess over a simple misunderstanding.

No, we'll save that for later...

* * *

* * *

For some reason I really liked this chapter. Which is saying a lot, because I normally shudder at my writing. I just think it's really cute. Probably because James is in it. ; ) For those of you who don't know, I am hopelessly in love with Mr. Potter. Yes, I love a fictional character. Oh shut up, you know you do too.


	5. One Thing in Mind

Well it's good to know that my readers are just as appreciative of Jamesy as me. Wise choice, grasshoppers. 

And of course - thanks oodles and noodles for the wonderful words y'all are spouting off. I love getting feedback and hearing everyone's opinions. It's quite interesting.

Coolcatjenny said something about...whipped cream? In the story? LoL. I'll see what I can do... ; )

* * *

**"One Thing in Mind"**

* * *

"So you and James are buddy-buddy now, huh?" Sirius asked as he and Lily were walking back to the common room after dinner that night. 

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, we've only really known each other since last night, but he's so wonderful. Reminds me of you, actually."

"Of course he does. We're a two for one special," Sirius joked.

"And speaking of last night," Lily continued, "how did your tutoring go?"

"It was great," Sirius smirked.

"That's good..." Lily lied. "So Nessa is a good tutor, huh?"

"Oh yeah," Sirius said, his smirk growing wider. Lily cursed herself inwardly for even asking.

They had now reached the portrait hole, but before Lily could utter the password ("dancing daisies") Sirius pulled her to a dark corner of the hallway in one fluid movement, pressing his body against hers.

"Let's not go in just yet..." Sirius said in a whisper.

Lily looked up into his eyes and lost herself. Although she had been feeling slightly miffed about the whole Nessa ordeal, it all fell away when she felt his strong body against hers, his face only inches from hers.

"Okay..." she said quietly, although she didn't know how she had managed to get the word out.

"Good." His face was now so close to hers that she could feel his hot breath brushing past her cheeks. Lily closed her eyes and let his closeness consume her. It felt so good, yet so...

Without warning, the portrait was thrown open. Lily jumped away from Sirius in surprise and turned to see who was there. It was Marilyn.

"Lil! There you are. I was wondering what was tak-" She stopped midsentence when she saw the flushed look on Lily's face, and the annoyed look on Sirius.

"Um...I'll see you inside then, okay? Okay," Marilyn said quickly then ran back into the common room.

Lily let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, and turned back to Sirius. She opened her mouth to say something, but instead bit her lip nervously when she found she had nothing to say. Sirius moved close to her again.

"Your friend has really bad timing," he said in the same whisper.

"Yeah, really..."

"So where were we?" He leaned in closer, but Lily pulled away.

"We were just going in!" she said as she backed away from him, and turned to go into the common room. Sirius let out an exasperated noise, then followed.

Lily ran up to her dorm where her friends were waiting with expectant faces. Marilyn looked as if she would explode any minute. Lily plopped down on her bed and dropped her head into her hands.

"What happened!" Marilyn blurted, obviously in desperate need for the answer.

"What am I doing..." Lily muttered to herself. Marilyn looked positively confused. This wasn't the answer she was expecting.

"You're sitting on a bed Lil," Marilyn explained, genuinely thinking that was what Lily wanted to know. Scarlett rolled her eyes.

"Thank you genius, but that's not what she meant."

"Oh! Um, I knew that," Marilyn muttered quietly. Cherise, who up to this point had been silent, moved next to Lily and put her arm around her.

"What happened?" she asked much more tenderly than Marilyn had. Lily lifted her head and sighed.

"I don't know, to tell you the truth. We were just about to walk into the common room when he... well he pulled me to the side and almost kissed me, but then Marilyn interrupted-"

"I did! Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Stupid Mari! Stupid Mari!" Marilyn ranted, hitting herself on the head repeatedly.

"No, it's okay Marilyn!" Lily assured her. "I'm not sure I even want him to kiss me..."

"Why not!" Marilyn squeaked.

"I don't know! I guess I'm just kinda scared. I've never had someone even want to kiss me, that I know of, let alone attempt to do it. It's kinda overwhelming. I mean, what if I do it wrong? Or what if Sirius realizes he doesn't really like me after he kisses me or something? I... I just don't know!" Lily dropped her head into her hands again.

"Don't worry about it Lil. You don't have to do anything you don't want to," Cherise said with a comforting tone. "If Sirius really likes you, he'll respect your wish to not kiss yet. If he doesn't, then he's not worth your time."

"But he's so perfect! I don't want to lose the guy I've been wanting for years just because I don't want to kiss him! Gawd, listen to me! Why wouldn't I want to kiss him? I should be throwing myself all over him! He's everything I've ever wanted..."

"Is he?" Cherise asked. Lily paused a moment.

"...Yes," she said almost reluctantly. Her hesitation took both herself and Cherise by surprise. Cherise stared at Lily with concern, but Marilyn took a different approach.

"Of course he is!" She said simply. "Just take one look at him. He's what every girl's ever wanted."

"Amen sister," Scarlett preached. This brought Marilyn and Scarlett into a fit of giggles. Lily and Cherise, however, didn't join in. Lily managed to produce a small smirk in response to Scarlett's humor, but Cherise remained solemn. Lily noticed this and couldn't help but wonder about it.

"Why have you been so serious lately, Rise?" she asked meekly. Cherise searched for a casual response, but came up short.

"I... haven't been serious lately," she said in a completely unconvincing tone.

"Come on Cherise. You know you're a terrible liar," Scarlett chipped in, now calmed from her giggling. Cherise sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

"Okay, okay. I know. I guess I just haven't been feeling like myself lately. It's hard to explain."

All three girls looked at her with pleading eyes, expecting more explanation than that.

"Really!" Cherise urged. "It's complicated..."

Her friends finally gave up and accepted her answer. Cherise was a hard shell to crack.

* * *

Lily sat in her bed, staring offhandedly at the ceiling. The room was eerily silent and dark, the only light provided by the moonlight falling in through the windows. If only her mind could be as serene. Contradicting feelings tore restlessly at her conscience. Why did such a simple situation have to be so _difficult_? 

Lily tried time and again to drift off into sleep, but it wouldn't come. For almost an hour she sat in bed, not sleeping, but thinking. Finally, she gave up on the idea of sleep and sat up in her bed. Instinctively, she looked over to Cherise's bed and was almost not surprised when she saw that her eyes were open. Lily slipped out of her bed and walked silently to Cherise's bedside and kneeled beside her.

"Can't sleep?" whispered Cherise's still figure.

"How'd you guess?" Lily whispered back. They sat in silence for a moment or two, until Cherise voiced the answer Lily was waiting for.

"It's about you and Sirius..." she said ever so weakly.

"What about us?"

Cherise remained quiet for a second, contemplating on how to answer. Or perhaps, whether to answer at all.

"You know Sirius's reputation... what he's like..." Cherise trailed off.

"What, that he's popular?"

"No. About how he is...you know...with girls."

Lily stayed quiet, so Cherise continued.

"You know how he is. He only has one thing in mind."

Lily rolled her eyes and scoffed. "You sound like my dad-"

"I'm serious Lily! And he flirts with so many girls, you never know what he might do." Cherise was beginning to talk with more vigor, almost with a desperate tone. "I just don't want you to get hurt Lil! I mean, with what you said before, about not wanting to kiss him...it worried me. I just want you to be sure you really like him and that he really likes you before you get attatched, that's all."

Lily pondered this a moment.

"So that's why you've been acting so strangely? Because you were worried about me and Sirius?"

"Well, kinda... yeah," Cherise replied quietly.

Lily smiled slyly at her friend. "Is this about that _follow your heart_ thing?"

"Oh shut up!" Cherise laughed and hit Lily with a pillow. "You make me sound like a bloody sap!"

"_Your_ words, Rise..."

Cherise scowled playfully and hid her face under her pillow.

"Prat," came her muffled reply.

"But seriously Rise, I know what you're thinking, and you really have nothing to worry about," Lily claimed. "I'm a big girl. I think I can handle one boy."

Cherise lifted the pillow slightly and looked sheepishly to her friend. "Yeah I suppose you're right...leave it to me to spaz out over nothing. It's just that...you're my best friend ever, Lil, and..." she trailed off uncertainly.

"I know," Lily said softly. She reached up and squeezed Cherise's hand reassuringly.

After a minute or so, Cherise broke the silence that had fallen. "Are we having a moment?"

Lily laughed and shook her head. "Not any_more_!"

* * *

It was a blustery late-November evening. Lily and her friends were sitting around in the common room, chatting and occasionally jotting down some notes in their homework. Cherise had been acting completely normal again, much to the relief of the three other girls. Marilyn and Scarlett were never alerted of the reason behind Cherise's mood swing, but they shrugged it off as nothing. 

Lily was preparing some notes for her tutoring session with James the next day, which she couldn't help but look forward to. Every one since then had been so wonderful. Although every time she thought about James, her mind tended to drift to that unexpected midnight chat. Lily found herself dwelling on that secret meeting more than she thought natural. It was just so refreshing to have him listen to her like that, even if only for a few minutes or so. She had never had a close friend of the male variety, so it was a whole new experience for her. An experience she was more than eager to repeat. And that kiss...it was in friendly manner, of course. Lily wouldn't ever dare betray Sirius - regardless if they were an official couple or not. The kiss was nothing more than a sign of friendly affection and gratitude. Hopefully James saw it that way...

Thanks to James's and Cherise's reassuring words, Lily had been feeling considerably more at ease around Sirius. She even felt comfortable when he pulled her close to him when they sat on the couch together. He hadn't tried to kiss her again, to her relief. Although she was getting more and more accustomed to the idea...

"So then she said it's all the _rage_ in Paris right now," Marilyn explained with a sarcastic tone. For the past half hour she had been ranting about the episode that had occured earlier that day in Charms. It involved Aurora Moon and a new hairstyle, but that's all Lily really gathered. This was on account of she was only half tuned in to what her friend was saying. It's not that she didn't care what she had to say, but with Marilyn you could only follow along for so long. You could fall asleep and wake up an hour later and Marilyn would still be babbling enthusiastically. That was just how she was.

"...And then, oh my God, Remus walks up and slaps her on the butt and all she does is giggle and bat her eyelashes. Oh my God, if that were me, I would've run after him and..." Marilyn continued just as passionately.

Lily looked around and concluded she wasn't the only one zoned out. Scarlett was completely absorbed in a book, and Cherise was examining her fingernails. Lily giggled to herself at Marilyn's imperviousness to the situation.

"Hey ladies," Sirius interrupted, much to the delight of everyone except Marilyn, who wasn't fond of being interrupted.

"Hi Sirius," Lily greeted cheerfully.

Sirius smiled, taking this as an invitation to sit down. He plopped down next to Lily and wrapped his arm around her.

"What's up sweet thang?" he purred into her ear. Lily giggled at the nickname.

"Nothin' much snookums," she replied.

Scarlett eyed them carefully. "Since when did you two have pet names?"

Marilyn smacked her on the arm. "Shut up! It's cute."

"I know! I was just curious. Doesn't mean you have to get violent about it," Scarlett retorted while rubbing her arm. Marilyn stuck her tongue out at her teasingly.

"We do not have pet names," Lily broke in. "It was just one of those spur-of-the-moment type things."

"Yeah, and don't give my sweet thang a hard time about it," Sirius added.

"See!" Scarlett said triumphantly. "It's a pet name now!"

"No it's not!" Lily argued.

"It's adorable!" Marilyn squealed.

"Why are we still going on about this?" Cherise asked.

"Because if we don't have something to talk about, then Marilyn will start rabbiting on about God knows what again," Scarlett explained.

The whole group bursted out in laughter, with the exception of Marilyn, who hit Scarlett on the arm again.

"Ow!" Scarlett exclaimed. "You have some anger management problems hun."

"Well you deserved it," Marilyn huffed.

"But Scarlett has a point..." Cherise said thoughtfully.

At hearing this, Marilyn nearly blew up with indignance. Seeing Marilyn's now plum face, Scarlett and Cherise jumped off the floor and made a run for their dorm, giggling madly on the way. Marilyn sprang after them, muttering something to the effect of "I'll show you what else Marilyn O'Hara can do...".

Lily laughed at her friends' dramatic display, then sighed contentedly and leaned further into Sirius.

"My friends are batty," she concluded.

"Yeah, they are," Sirius agreed.

Lily pryed herself from his side and looked him in the face.

"Hey!" she exclaimed. "You're not supposed to agree!" She tried to look stern, but couldn't suppress her giggles when Sirius gave her the puppy dog eyes (a/n: which I'm sure he'd be very good at, wink wink).

"I'm sorry," he said with kid-like shame. "Will you forgive me?"

"Maybe..." she replied with an airy tone of uncertainty. Once again she was finding it extremely difficult to not smile.

"Will this change your mind?" Sirius asked as he leaned over and placed his lips on hers in a kiss. He had done it do quickly that Lily didn't even have time to think about what he was doing. But as soon as the realization hit her, she actually didn't want to pull away. She closed her eyes and melted beneath his lips. Lily loved the warmth his mouth gave off. It felt so incredibly nice, like drinking warm cocoa with whipped cream on a stormy night. Sirius wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in just a little bit closer. Lily could feel his tongue playing around her lips, so she opened her mouth slightly.

After what seemed like only a moment, they both pulled away from the kiss naturally. Lily looked into Sirius's ocean blue eyes and smiled.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" Sirius said quietly. Lily shook her head in response. Words refused to escape her at this moment. She felt light headed and dizzy, but in a strangely wonderful way. It was almost like a dream. Had she really just kissed Sirius Black? It was unreal.

Sirius leaned in and engaged her in yet another kiss. Since this kiss lacked the sudden surprise of the last one, Lily became very conscious of her arms, and realized she didn't know what to do with them. Trying not to ruin the moment with her newfound awkwardness, she did the first thing she could think of and placed her hands on his shoulders.

Never breaking contact with Lily, Sirius moved her hands so that her arms were wrapped around his neck. While doing so, he ever so slowly pushed her backwards onto the couch so that he was almost on top of her. He began kissing her more passionately and with more vigor. Lily was becoming more uncomfortable with each passing second, so she broke apart from Sirius abruptly.

"I think I should go now," she said breathlessly. Sirius looked disappointed.

"Are you sure?" he said temptingly. Lily gently pushed him off of her and sat up, straightening out her clothes.

"Yes, I really think I should." she said more firmly.

"Okay, okay. Do you want me to walk you?"

"Um, if you want," she bit her lip.

When they reached Lily's door, Sirius gave her one last, quick kiss.

"I knew you'd give in sometime," he said with a wink, then walked off down the hall.

Lily stood in shock a moment. So he could tell she was avoiding any kissing? Well, it was kind of obvious, yes, but still. She didn't think he'd come out and say it like that.

Taking a deep breath, she headed into her room, preparing herself for the stampede of questions and comments she was about to be bombarded with from her friends. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Aha. So they finally kissed. Yay yay. No more kiss-o-phobic Lily.

But no James again. Aw. I know how wildly loved he is (-blows kiss to James shrine in corner-), but...well that's how the cookie crumbles.

Ish, I know that whole Cherise/Lily thing seemed awfully repetitive, but it was mainly to show the level of their relationship, among other things. There's method to the madness, I promise.

The next chapter is quite juicy, in my opinion, so I think I may hold back a couple of days until I post it. Just...you know...because. LoL. Becuase I CAN. ...And because I need to actually start writing MORE. Heh. Unless this story is going to end at chapter 7 - which it isn't - so I need to get to adding more.


	6. Mix to a Boil

Hmm, mixed reactions on the Lily/Sirius kiss. Interesting...-rubs chin ponderingly-. Well don't worry, I have a feeling this chapter will satisfy both parties. I guess. I dunno. LoL. We'll just have to see, won't we? 

The chapter title is continuing with the recipe theme from before, wink wink.

* * *

**"Mix to a Boil"**

* * *

"Miss Evans? ...Miss Evans!" 

"Huh!" Lily snapped her head up off her desk and found herself face to face with Professor McGonagall.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

"Er...well, I...no, I..." Lily stuttered.

"Yes, yes. Very well. I don't need any excuses. I'll let you off this once, but only this once. Now I suggest you gather your things and join your friends at lunch. I daresay they'll be wondering about your absence." Professor McGonagall said with a hint of amusement.

"Omigosh! It's lunch!" Lily fretted in a panicked voice.

"Class ended several minutes ago."

"Oh! I'm so sorry Professor, I'll never do it again!" Lily yelled as she ran out the door. She belted down the hallway and into the Great Hall. She plopped down next to Cherise, trying to regain her composure.

"Where were you Lil?" Cherise asked while sticking a forkful of salad into her mouth.

"I...fell asleep in class," she said reluctantly.

"You did?" Cherise said, her amusement only too obvious.

"Yes!" Lily replied, almost angry with herself.

"_How_?" Marilyn asked.

"I dunno... I was just sitting there quietly after I transfigured my mouse into a teacup, thinking about...um...things, and I guess I got a little drowsy, that's all."

"Things?" Scarlett said suggestively. "What sort of _things_?"

"I bet she was daydreaming about _Sirius_!" Marilyn teased in a sing song voice. "Or should I say loverboy?"

"I was not!" Lily snapped as if she were insulted by the very idea. Suddenly her indignance melted into a sheepish grin, and she giggled. "Okay, so maybe I was..."

The girls began giggling madly, unaware of the newest member of their party.

"Hey sweet thang," Sirius greeted, sitting himself next to Lily.

The giggling ceased almost immediately, except for Marilyn, who was having trouble shutting herself up. That is, until Lily kicked her from under the table. This completed the silence.

Sirius, although not the brightest candle on the cake, caught this sudden hush and became suspicious.

"What was that all about?" he inquired, looking from girl to girl. Marilyn couldn't handle this and began giggling again. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Nothing, nothing. Forget it," she said casually. "So, how are you?"

"I'm doing good _now,_" he purred, moving closer to Lily. He kissed her softly on the cheek and began playing with her hair. He made a move towards her mouth, but Lily turned her head just in time.

"Sirius..." she said through gritted teeth.

"What?" he said innocently. She turned back to face him and indicated towards her friends, all of which were watching the little scene apprehensively, as if it were a soap opera.

"Oh them? They don't mind," he said breezily. Lily tried to argue, but before she could say anything Sirius pressed his lips against hers. Scarlett and Cherise watched with wide eyes, thoroughly enjoying the show, but Marilyn was a different story. She had her hand over her mouth, trying (and failing) to contain another fit of giggles. She couldn't supress them for much longer, however, and soon she was immersed in a full blown giggle attack. Everyone at the table, including Lily and Sirius, turned and stared at her with annoyance. Scarlett, Cherise, and Lily let out identical sighs of exasperation.

"Has she had her medicine today yet?" Cherise said, pointing towards Marilyn.

"_I... don't... take... medicine_!" Marilynmanaged between giggles.

"Maybe you should," Lily quipped. This remark had an amazing effect on Marilyn's self control.

"Hey!" she retorted.

"What?" Lily shrugged innocently.

Before Marilyn could bite anyone's head off, James and Remus appeared at the scene, thus causing Marilyn to shift into flirtation mode.

"Boys!" she greeted buoyantly as they seated themselves with the group. "Care for some milk?" she offered, holding up the milk jug. "It does the body good, afterall. Not that you two need it," she smiled seductively.

"Don't we know it," Remus grinned and took the milk jug from her.

"Oy, where's Petey?" Sirius asked through a mouthful of turkey.

James rolled his eyes and answered, "The hopeless git spilled ink all over his bag, then set it on fire when he tried to clean it with a spell. He's in the hospital wing now."

"Oh my! Is he okay?" Lily asked anxiously.

"Oh yeah. Madame P. can fix anything. It's just his pride that got hurt, really."

"If he has any left," Remus snickered.

When Lily still looked shaken, James added, "Hey don't sweat it, Lily. It's just Peter. This kind of thing happens to him at least twice a day. So he fried his bag? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

A wide smile made its way across Lily's face. "You know 'Gone With the Wind'?"

James scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Er...yes," he revealed reluctantly.

"Oh that is so cute!" Lily squealed. "I didn't think any wizard - or any_guy_ for that matter - would know that movie!"

"Blame my mum," he sighed. "She has this fetish with muggle movies, so there always seems to be one playing when I'm at home. A guy can't help but pick up a few lines after years of that."

"Moo-vys?" Sirius added himself to the conversation. "Hey Lil, isn't that what you were telling me about that one time?"

"Yes, very good Sirius," Lily rewarded then turned her interest back to James. "So what other movies do you know?" she asked eagerly.

Since the others couldn't relate at all to the movie talk, they continued with their lunch and casually drifted into other conversation. Sirius stayed unusually quiet, and kept one arm over Lily's shoulders in a rather posessive manner.

Some men don't like other people touching their things (a/n: -cough- moulin rouge -cough-).

* * *

Lily walked into the common room later that evening and immediately spotted James sitting in a chair in an empty part of the room, a second chair pulled up in front of him. Almost as if on cue, he turned around and waved Lily over. 

"Oh good. I was worried you might've forgotten," Lily said. "I almost did," she added as she seated herself in the chair across from James.

"Ah, but I have developed a fool proof method for remembering appointments such as this," he explained with an air of someone advertising their product. "Don't believe me? See for youself," and he thrust his hand toward her, showing some incoherent black scribbles on the back of his hand.

"Huh?" Lily moved her face closer, squinting her eyes.

"It says _tutoring, common room, 7pm_," he explained.

"Oh...um, yeah..." Lily said uncertainly. "So I guess that only works if you can_read_ what you wrote..." she laughed.

"Hey!" James reprimanded. "I thought it was a brilliant idea!"

"Oh, yeah, pure genius. You'll sell millions of...writing-on-back-of- hand quills. The public will be in awe of this revelation," she said dramatically.

"Thank you," James puffed out his chest. "I've always been the world- changing type."

Lily laughed and rolled her eyes. "Maybe on_your_ planet..."

"Did you just insult me, Miss Evans?"

"It appears so, Mr. Potter," she replied, imitating his sophisticated tone of voice.

"Ooh you'll pay for that one..." he growled playfully. Lily screamed and hopped off her chair. James launched after her and grabbed her around the waist, accidentally causing both of them to fall forward onto the floor. He began tickling her ferociously, Lily giggling and swatting at him all the while.

"Okay! Okay!" she choked out. "You win!"

"I knew you'd see things my way," he smiled evilly.

The two of them were attracting quite a bit of attention, seeing as Lily was sprawled out on the floor with James positioned over her, although the numerous pairs of eyes looking their way escaped the pair's notice.

There were a few moments of silence as they remained in that position until James glanced at his hand.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, quickly moving off of Lily. "Tutoring! We should get to that."

"Yeah, huh," Lily agreed, almost in a daze. James offered Lily his hand and pulled her to a standing position. They plopped back into their chairs and let out identical sighs.

"So!" Lily began. "What should we work on today?"

"Um, shouldn't you know? Miss _tutor_?"

"Shut up! I do know! I just...need to organize my thoughts. Being harassed by a madman throws off your train of thought, you know." She stared accusingly at him. He, however, simply smiled innocently.

"I wouldn't know."

"_Anyway_, I think we'll analyze some writing by Shakespeare, starting with..." she rummaged through some papers, "...this!"

James took the paper and glanced over it.

"Sonnet X-V-I-I-I?"

"That's Sonnet _eighteen_, and yes - it's one of my favorites. It's so beautiful," she said dreamily.

"Is it?" he said, mocking her dreamy expression. Lily smacked him on the arm.

"Yes! It is!"

"You're rather violent, you know that?"

"Hey, at least I don't_tackle_ people," she defended.

"It was provoked!"

"Yeah, well, so was my attack. So we're even," she concluded. "Moving on... here, read this poem to yourself then tell me what you think of it."

James did as she told, and within 10 seconds was finished.

"I don't get it," he stated simply. Lily sighed.

"Well you have to really read it, not just look at the words!"

"Uh, since when was there a difference? Isn't that what reading is? Looking at words?"

"No! See, that's exactly you're problem. You only look at the words, you don't read them. Reading is to look beyond the obvious and to comprehend the real reasoning behind each word, to feel what the author feels. Look deeper, James," she explained passionately. "Read the poem a few more times with that in mind,_then_ tell me what you think."

James stared at the paper for a minute more, the same bored expression on his face.

"Is this even in English?" he asked exasperatedly.

"Of course it is! It's just written a little...differently. That's Shakespeare's style. You know, he actually invented many of the words used in his writing. Most of them are still used today, in fact."

"Is that even legal?"

"Um...yes? You don't need permission to make up words. It just depends if people continue using them."

"I wanna make up a word!" James exclaimed like a little boy.

"Okay, okay!" Lily giggled. "Go ahead."

James thought for a second, over-exaggerating his thoughtfulness by rubbing his chin.

"I got it!" he suddenly shouted. "_Lidacious_," he stated proudly.

"Lidacious?" Lily repeated, considering the word for a moment. "Not bad...not bad at all. So, what does it mean?"

"I think it means 'wicked' or 'cool' or whatever."

"You think? You should know, you made it up!"

"No, no. You see, I may have invented the word, but once the word is there, the definition automatically comes with it. I have no say in the matter. It just_has_ a certain meaning, because...well, no...I think, uh..."

"Okay! Enough! Just...stop stressing your brain so much," Lily laughed. "Anyway, we really need to stop going off-track like this. So stop talking! Just work," Lily said, attempting to be serious.

"Well sorry that I'm so _terribly _interesting," James said haughtily. Lily started giggling and hit him on the arm again.

"I said stop! Work!"

"And the violence returns..."

* * *

"Okay, that's enough for the night," Lily sighed, closing her textbook and standing up. "I think we got a good solid...five minutes of tutoring accomplished." 

It had been one hour since Lily and James had first gotten together, and for 90 of that time they had talked and laughed, completely disregarding the task at hand.

"That doesn't matter. I mean, would you want to have just studied this poetry crap for a whole hour rather than converse with _me_?" He gave her his cheekiest smile. "I think I speak for both us when I say: HELL NO! Besides, I know all I need to know about this stuff anyway. Like... Shakespeare. He's some old guy whole wrote tons of poems and made up a bunch of words. And then there's...uh...penamic intameter, or whatever..."

"Uh, I think you mean iambic pentameter," Lily offered.

"Yeah, yeah! That's what I said."

"Sure..." Lily trailed off. "So, Mr. Poetry Master, what exactly_is_ 'penamic intameter'?" she asked skeptically. James opened his mouth to speak, then paused and reconsidered.

"Well...I, uh...hm. That's not important!" he spouted. Lily stifled a laugh and shook her head at him. She was about to respond when she felt arms wrap around her waist from behind.

"Caught ya," a familiar voice whispered in her ear.

"Sirius!" she squeaked, startled from the unexpected appearance. He walked around to face her.

"You called?"

"Are you trying to scare me to death or something?" she huffed.

"Nah. I was just wondering where you were. Why are you hiding over here in the corner?" He glanced over at James. "Oy James, you stealing my girl?" he teased.

"Teacher's orders," James grinned and held up his hands in the surrender position.

"Since when do you follow teacher's orders?" Sirius asked skeptically.

"Since it ordered me to stay in the company of such a vivacious young lady," he gestured toward Lily.

"Well good student time is over - time for some fooling around," he wiglged his eyebrows at Lily. "You two done over here?"

Lily shrugged. "I suppo--"

"Great!" Sirius remarked before whisking Lily off to the couch in front of the fire. Lily gave Sirius a scandalized look as he got himself comfortable.

"What?" he shrugged innocently. "You said you were done."

"Yeah..." Lily said, annoyed that he was completely missing the point. "But that wasn't any reason for you to drag me away like your little doll or something!"

"Is it so wrong that I wanted some alone time with my girl?"

Sirius knew just how to melt Lily. His last words brushed away all of her annoyance instantly. 'My girl'...he had called her _his_ girl! In Lily's opinion it was simply impossible to stay angry with someone who called you "his girl".

She smiled sheepishly. "No I guess not..."

Sirius smiled, his battle won. He leaned in and kissed her, softly at first, then with more passion. Lily could feel the attention they were gaining, which definitely didn't help set the mood. Sirius didn't seem to notice though. He leaned his body in closer, his hands crawling through her hair. He parted from her lips and changed his focus farther south to her neck. Lily opened her eyes, catching sight of James. For a moment he held her gaze, then abruptly turned the other way.

"Stop!" Lily pushed Sirius off of her.

"What?" Sirius questioned.

"I-I...I dunno," she answered intelligently. Sirius looked positively lost.

"Then why did you-"

"Not here!" Lily interjected. "Not now. Shouldn't we do this somewhere...private?"

"Private?" Sirius asked, intrigued. "If that's what you want..." And he started to stand up. Lily pulled him back down.

"NO!" she shouted, then quieted her voice. "No, I didn't mean right _now_. I just meant...I'm sorry. I have to go." Lily started towards the staircase, but was taken by surprise when she felt a firm grip on her arm hold her back.

"Oh no you don't," Sirius said. "You're not running away from me again."

"Sirius..." she pleaded.

"I don't get it! Why are you always running away?"

Lily opened her mouth to speak, but Sirius cut her off. "Don't you like me?"

"I...I do, but..." Lily searched for the right thing to say. She looked frantically around at the people staring, though her eyes skirted to one person in specific a little more than necessary. Sirius caught the direction of her gaze.

"It's James, isn't it?" Sirius said bitterly. "You'd rather be with my _best mate _than me?"

"NO! It's not that!" Lily bursted. "I don't feel that way about James. He's just a friend, I swear!"

Sirius looked skeptical. "Then...what?"

Lily looked as flustered as she felt. As much as Sirius wanted an answer, so did she. Then, without another thought, she grabbed Sirius by the collar and pulled him into a kiss.

This most definitely took him by surprise, heck, it even took Lily by surprise, but being the Sirius Black he was - he needed no help adjusting into it. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and held on for dear life as she kissed him with everything within her. It was as if the kiss was an outlet for the all the mixed up emotions swirling around inside her. Sirius was in no position to complain about this random vigor coming from the little redhead, so he chose instead to kiss just as passionately back.

Lily could feel Sirius's hands beginning to crawl up beneath her shirt when a shrill voice cracked the air.

"MR. BLACK! MISS EVANS!"

The heated couple broke apart as quickly as they had come together, if not faster, to find themselves face to face with a very displeased looking Professor McGonagall. Her eyes were wide and her lips thin as paper.

"_What_ do you two think you are doing?" she snapped.

Lily's face was flushed (thanks in part to the kiss) and her heart either stopped or was beating so fast that it was indistinguishable. Every silent moment that passed between her and the teacher before her seemed like years.

"Lillian Evans...I would have never put it upon you..." Professor McGonagall shook her head in shame. "But Black, on the other hand...onto corrupting the innocent now, are you?"

Sirius shifted his weight nervously. Lily felt as if she was slipping slowly into the floor...or perhaps if was wishful thinking.

"Such a public display of affection is simply_not_ acceptable within this school, and you best be fit to never let it happen again. Understand?" she berated.

"Yes ma'am..." Lily and Sirius mumbled in unison.

"Good." She adjusted her glasses out of habit. "Since this is your first offense Miss Evans, I find it fair to leave you with a strong warning."

Lily felt her heart start again.

"Mr. Black - you will come with me," she narrowed her eyes at him then turned abruptly and marched out of the common room. Sirius gave Lily an 'Oops' expression before following the fuming teacher out of the room.

"Minerva! Doll! Can't we talk this over?" his voice sounded from just outside the portrait hole.

Lily took a deep breath of the air she was desperately lacking. She slowly looked around to find the entire occupancy of the common room staring at her expectantly. Once they noticed that she noticed, the gentle hum of conversation crept up again.

Feeling beyond her capabilities of embarrassment, Lily held one hand on the side of her face as if to hide and walked briskly towards the girls staircase. Once she thought she was home free, a voice called from behind her.

"Lily! Lily wait a second!"

Not keen on walking back into the common room, she chose to stay at the bottom of the staircase and allow her caller to come to _her_.

"Lily..." the voice pleaded again. Lily felt a hand on her shoulder as it turned her around to face--

"James?"

"Look Lily, I'm so sorry about tha--"

"What? Why? You didn't have anything to do with it!" she said.

"Lil...I heard what you two were saying before you..._you know_..."

Lily gained a sudden fixation with the ground.

"And I know that it was all because Sirius suspects something..."

"But that's just it!" Lily cried. "It's just his suspicion! You and I both know that nothing is going on between us, so you have no right to take the blame!"

James rubbed the back of his neck nervously and bit his lip. Lily looked him directly in the eyes, revealing that there was more there than he was letting on. Lily was concerned at how much James appeared to be beating himself up.

"James, really, stop stressing. Sirius's suspicions have no truth behind them! If you're worried about him being angry with you - forget it. He has no reason to."

"But what if he does?" James uttered with an almost desperate tone.

Lily's breath caught in her throat. "...What?" she breathed.

"What if he does have reason to be angry with me?" James said softly, locking his eyes with hers.

Lily felt the ground fall out beneath her for the second time that day. James's words hung heavily in the air during the frozen moment of silence between the two.

Suddenly James ran his hand through his hair frantically as he started backing away.

"Lily...I'm so sorry..." he sighed before turning and heading quickly for the boys dorm - leaving a very lost Lily.

* * *

And the plot thickens. Oooh. Silly James, has to complicate everything. But that's what makes a story a story, correct?

From now on, I'll most likely be posting...mmm...once a week. Since I'm not miles ahead in the story anymore, I need time to actually WRITE the stuff, not just prep it for posting. School starts in a week (-takes a moment to sob her eyes out-) so I'll try to write as much as I can during my final week of freedom, then we'll have to see how it goes from there.


	7. Shaky Ground

Good gracious...150 reviews...I FEEL SO LOVED! Wow, you guys are awesome. You really are. COOKIES FOR ALL! -Spreads baked goods among the populace- 

I'd like to point out this line from Aidenfire: "I wanted to give him a hug and a bowl of soup!" That is SO cute. LoL.

Speaking of sayings, I know that a certain some of you will have noticed my word "lidacious" in the last chapter. TeeHee. Well this story is actually how it came into being. I started this a while back, but recently converted it into L/J, so I've been using my word ever since then. And now ALL OF YOU can use it too! Yay! Spread it around, yo. Nudge, nudge.

* * *

**"Shaky Ground"**

* * *

Morning came, bringing obscure emotions with it. Upon waking, all Lily wanted to do was disappear into her dreams again. 

"Lily dearest...time to rise and shine," Cherise sang.

Lily grumbled indistinctly and shoved her head under the pillow. Cherise rolled her eyes.

"I know yesterday wasn't the highlight of your life, but it's not as bad as you're making it out to seem!"

"Wanna bet..." Lily mumbled under the pillow to herself. She had explained the kiss fiasco to her friends since they were in the library during it all, but there was no way she was going to reveal James's confession - the one thing that was going to mess up...well, everything.

"Come _on_, Lily," Cherise whined.

After a bit more prodding and poking, Lily finally caved and resigned to prepping herself for the coming day.

As Lily descended the stairs from the girls dormitories, she found Sirius waiting for her at the bottom. He smiled when he saw her, but she found it difficult to reciprocate.

"I'm sorry," she said the moment before Sirius leaned down to kiss her.

"What?" he stopped and stood up straight again.

"About last night - I didn't know my kissing you would result in...that," she said awkwardly.

Sirius smirked. "I'd say it was more than worth it."

"But didn't you get punished?"

"Oh yeah," he said casually. "Detention. Just the usual."

"Oh is that all..." she remarked sarcastically.

"I'd serve detention for the rest of the year just to have one more kiss like that one last night..." he purred into her ear.

"Er..." was all she could get out as he began nibbling on her ear. She began giggling when he moved down to her neck. She was just beginning to really enjoy it when James appeared across the way at the bottom of the boys staircase.

Lily shrieked and pushed Sirius off of her.

"Wha-?" was all Sirius could muster. James's eyes grew wide and he furiously gestured for her to engage him again.

Lily looked at James frantically for a second then, just before Sirius could turn his head, she gave him just what he wanted - a repeat of the previous night.

Lily peeped open one eye to make sure James was out of the room, then broke away from Sirius, breathing heavily.

"Detention anyone?"

* * *

Sirius seemed to gaze at Lily with wonder that day. Her newfound fiestiness was more than welcome on his account. Though she had adopted an obvious feeling of perplexity throughout the day, all Sirius really cared about was that rather friendly 'good morning'. 

All of the Marauders joined the girls at dinner that night, as they had been doing quite frequently.

"Hey James," Marilyn purred in the voice she tended to use for James only. "Fancy showing off some of your quidditch moves for me tonight? I'd love to see all of what you've been saying in action."

James never turned down an opportunity to show off.

"You know I'd love to, but I really have to finish my Transfiguration essay."

...Unless it interfered with another certain -unknown- passion of his.

Marilyn looked completely put out but refused to be halted.

"Remus!" she switched her gaze. "Care to play some wizard's chess with me tonight?"

"Sure," he shrugged with a mouthful of potatoe. Marilyn smiled victoriously.

James stood up from the table. "See you guys later. I have to go to the library. Have fun with Professor Binns tonight, Siri," he winked.

Sirius pulled a face at him in response.

Lily eagerly watched James go, waiting until he was long gone. "Um, I have to go talk with Professor Dumbledore," she said to the remaining party.

Cherise looked worried. "Why? Something wrong?"

"No, no," Lily replied offhandedly. "Just...questions about the Head Girl position. I'll see you all later."

Then, standing up as well, she kissed Sirius once on the cheek and walked casually out of the Great Hall. Once out of earshot, she took a deep breath and headed for her destination - passing right on by Professor Dumbledore's office.

* * *

"Lily? Why ar--" 

"James, we have to talk," she said straight-forwardly, sitting down next to him at a table in the middle of the library.

James looked nervously around. "Right here?"

Lily looked around at the other students as well, then made up her mind and pulled James to the bookshelves in the back.

"Better?"

"Yeah..." James whispered, still not completely comfortable.

Lily took a deep breath. "James--"

"Why did you stop him?"

Lily was thrown completely off course. "What?"

"When you saw me this morning. Why did you stop Sirius?" James repeated.

"Because yo-- ...I don't know!" Lily whined. "Why did you tell me to start again?"

"Because if you pushed Sirius away abruptly then he turned around and saw _me_, do you really think he would be all that happy with me?" James spoke in a frantic whisper.

"No?" she voiced the obvious. "But it wasn't because of you!"

"It wasn't?"

"No! ...Well yes. No!...Okay maybe..." Lily was wringing her hands nervously. "But not because of what you think!"

"Well...what then?"

Lily looked at him hopelessly. She leaned back on a bookshelf and slid down to the ground slowly, landing with a soft thud. James kneeled down beside her. Lily looked into his eyes and sighed.

"I...didn't feel right...kissing him in front of you," she said softly.

James sighed as well and ran a hand through this hair. "Listen...Lily...I know what I said last night wasn't exactly what you wanted to hear, and it sure as hell wasn't what I wanted to say - not that at time anyway - so just...forget about it, okay? I don't want my, er, feelings to get in the way of your relationship with Sirius. So can't we just pretend this never happened?"

He gave her one last pleading look before standing up and walking back to his table. Lily sat for a moment in silence, drinking in what he said.

As she walked out of the library, avoiding James's eyes, she felt strangely empty.

_Who said that wasn't what I wanted to hear._..

* * *

Lily did not at all feel up to going back to the common room where all her friends most likely were. Instead, she wandered dejectedly around the castle, no destination in mind. 

After who-knows-how-much time elapsed, she found herself in the deserted astronomy tower. She sat down on the cold, stone ground and craned her head back to look up into the heavens. Stars had always had a strange effect on her. Whenever she looked into that endless pool of diamonds she could almost palpably feel their calm beauty washing over her. Even the smallest glance felt refreshing. Yes, this was exactly what she needed about now.

By habitual instinct she began naming the constellations she observed in her head.

_Canis Major...Sirius_...

...The brightest star in the sky. Forever outshining the other stars...stealing their glory just because it is a bit more radiant. ...Ironic?

_...Gemini...Orion_...

"..._Andromeda_..." she whispered. She knew the myth behind this one by heart. She harbored a secret fetish with astronomy, thus memorizing many constellations and the stories behind them. Not even Cherise knew of this part of Lily. There was no significant reason why Lily decided to leave everyone in the dark about it. It was simply something she could call her own - something that no one else in the world knew.

The myth of Andromeda finds beautiful Andromeda tied to a rock out at sea to await her death by sea monster. The hero Perseus, who was watching from above, intervenes and saves her from the sea monster. In exchange for his heroics, he and Andromeda are married - only to be killed at their wedding.

"Whatever happened to happily ever after..." Her words slipped softly into the air, their contents received by only the sky above.

* * *

Lily never found out how long she had spent in the astronomy tower, but she definitely felt the effects of it the next morning. 

"For the love, Lily!" Cherise huffed as her fifth attempt at waking up Lily had failed.

"_Mmmrrggg_..."

"Well at least you're awake," Cherise said, glaring at the lump of blankets ending in a mess of red hair before her.

"Wha' year is'a?" Lily mumbled as she lifted her head off the pillow - not without apparent difficulty.

Cherise rolled her eyes. "Ugh, you wanker. Just get up already!"

Lily groaned and rolled out of her bed, staggering drunkenly to the bathroom.

Cherise waited until Lily was showered and dressed to attempt any communication.

"Did you sleep at _all_ last night?" Cherise questioned. "It sure doesn't seem like it."

Now Marilyn jumped into the picture. "Oh my gosh! That reminds me!" she squealed and practically danced over to the bathroom where Lily was brushing her hair. "So what did you two _do_?" she gushed giddily.

Lily set down her brush and turned and eyed her friend. "What are you on about?"

Marilyn rolled her eyes in impatience. "You and Sirius! Come on, you don't have to be shy. I want to know _all_," she squealed, making Lily dizzy with all her bouncing.

"No, seriously, _what_ are you wittering on about? I didn't see Sirius at all last night from the time I left dinner."

Marilyn's bouncing came to an abrupt halt, as did her ecstatic expression. "Well...then...where was he? Wait - where were _you?_"

Lily's hand slipped off the counter on which she was leaning. "Er...with Professor Dumbledore! Like I told you."

Marilyn raised an eyebrow. "All night?"

"NO! Ew no..." Lily spluttered quickly. "Okay fine - after the meeting with Dumbledore...I...took to exploring the castle. I guess I took longer than expected," she explained, only half lying.

"If you say so..." Marilyn muttered, completely unconvinced.

"But wait!" Lily said before Marilyn walked away. "You said Sirius wasn't seen either?"

"He had detention didn't he?" Scarlett voiced from her bed where she was evidently following the conversation.

"Not all night!" Marilyn argued.

"Maybe it just lasted really late and you guys didn't see him come in," Lily suggested hopefully.

"Sirius wasn't in detention all that time," Cherise stated rather solemnly from where she was standing in the middle of the room.

"Where was he then?" Lily demanded as she walked out of the bathroom.

Cherise's face had turned unnaturally cold. "Samantha Creevy might know."

Lily's body stiffened. "What?"

Cherise sighed and swallowed hard, apparently dreading her following words. "I... saw her and Sirius kissing in the Charms classroom," she responded with a hint of guilt in her voice, as if it was her committing the crime.

Lily felt her chest tighten. She shook her head back and forth and stared deeply into the floor. "No..."

Cherise began to walk towards her. "I know it's hard Li--"

Lily backed away. "No! You're lying!"

"Excuse me?" Cherise gasped.

"It's not true!" Lily snapped. "I know him better than you. He doesn't even like Samantha--"

"Oh, so does that explain their little show on the train?"

"That was months ago!"

"Well I guess the encore was just a bit delayed."

"God, just _stop it, _Cherise! I don't know what your problem is, but-- "

"_My_ problem?" Cherise scoffed. "I'm not the one being cheated on!"

"Sirius wouldn't do that!" Lily shouted furiously.

"Do you really believe that?" Cherise shouted back. "_Wake up_ Lily. This is Sirius Black we're talking about. Do you really think he's going to lose sleep at night from kissing two different girls? This is all he wanted in the first place! Why do you think he's never made your relationship official? _Huh_? All he wants is a toy with no strings attatched! If you two aren't a couple then he can feel free to mess around with other girls at the same time. I mean, come on, he's never given you a second glance for five ruddy years, but now that you're all grown up and a pretty little princess he decides to throw himself at you! OPEN YOUR BLOODY EYES LILY."

Lily glared at Cherise with a murderous anger in her eyes. Her chest was heaving slowly with ragged breaths.

"I guess I was wrong when I thought you'd never succumb to jealously," Lily whispered acidly. She left the room with a slam of the door, leaving Cherise fuming and Scarlett and Marilyn scared to breathe.

* * *

Seething, Lily leaned against the closed door, concentrating on breathing in and out. How could Cherise, whom Lily had considered her closest friend, accuse Sirius of such a thing? She couldn't believe it...she_wouldn't_ believe it... 

Running a shaky hand through her hair, Lily removed her weight from the door and marched down to the common room intent on finding Sirius. Her attention was instantly taken by a rather large group huddled around the bulletin board.

Curiosity slightly easing her state, she wandered over to see what all the fuss was about. Her blood regained its chill, however, upon catching sight of Sirius...and Samantha next to him.

"Lily!" Sirius chirped when Lily tapped him on the shoulder. "Be my date?" he asked hopefully, taking both her hands in his.

Lily furrowed her eyebrows and glanced at the bulletin board.

-----

_Dated 12/01_

_--Attention all students--_

_Due to popular request, Hogwarts will be hosting a Winter Festival on the Friday of December 17th in celebration of the start of the winter holidays. All classes of the day are cancelled, as the festival will consume the entire day. Activities include the following:_

_Sleigh rides around the countryside  
Ice skating on the lake  
Organized snowball fights  
Game booths hosted by the professors  
A grand themed feast  
Dancing under the stars on an outdoor dancefloor  
Hot drinks & treats delivered by house elves upon  
request_

_All activities will be available all day (8am-midnight) with the exception of the feast, which will take place at 6pm, and the dancefloor, which will open after the feast (also to note: dancefloor will be heated so as to prevent any unwanted cases of frostbite from the chilly winter air).  
Participation is not mandatory, for any students who do not possess the yuletide spirit._

_Cheers  
Headmaster Dumbledore & Staff_

-----

As Lily read the notice, a smile slowly formed on her face. Turning back to Sirius, she threw Samantha a particularly nasty glare - to which Samantha merely reflected with a look of superiority.

"I'd _love_ to," Lily answered to Sirius with relish.

"Have your fun now, Evans," Samantha spoke up, her arms folded across her chest. "Because it's always going to be me at the after-party." She gave a final smirk and strutted off importantly.

"Cow..." Lily seethed under her breath.

"Pay no attention to her, sweet thang," Sirius consoled. "She fancies herself the bloody queen of England. Come on, let's do breakfast."

"Er, Sirius?"

"Yes'm?"

"Mind if we sort of...hang solo today? My so-called friends are being complete wankers, and I wish to never, ever see nor talk to them again. Ever," she stated in a disturbingly sweet voice, considering the harsh words used.

"Uh...sure," Sirius shrugged.

"Lovely," Lily smiled.

* * *

What a tangled web we weave, eh? Yeah... hope you enjoyed. I'm really looking forward to the next couple of chapters...they should prove to be interesting. I hope. Hah.

And I would like to recommend the L/J fic "Captivated" by MorningRain. It's a new fic by my girl Amanda, and it is LIDACIOUS. Seriously. It's definitely worth your time. Check out my profile thingy for the link.


	8. Fraternizing With the Enemy

Hee. Lots of reactions on that last chapter. Good, good. And quite a bit of "Lidacious" usage! Excellent work, my pets. 

Sorry I kept you waiting so long (one week...), but I gave fair warning, no? I won't make you wait any longer than a week though. But, see, I have oodles of homework already (first week of school - what is up with THAT?) and I'm really slow at getting the chapters ready. LoL. I always find myself writing these really juicy scenes that come later on, then find I need all the stuff that comes before it first. Oops. I'm so hopeless, jeez. But anywho...what was my point?

I don't think I had one.

So...um, go on and read then. -shrugs-

* * *

**"Fraternizing With the Enemy"**

* * *

The following two weeks played out in a sordid manner. Lily avoided her friends at all costs, frequently exchanging dirty looks with Cherise from across the room. The only words Lily ever spoke with them were sparse and strained. Although Scarlett and Marilyn were technically guilt-free, Lily found suit to sneer at them too, as their frequent interaction with Cherise, the enemy, dictated. 

The complications between the girls was not the sole awkwardness in the air, however. It was plain to see that James was making an effort to elude Lily and Sirius by way of shadowing Cherise, Marilyn, and Scarlett - not that the girls had any objections to this. Marilyn had taken to claiming James as her pet, proving so by acting accordingly. All of her conversation seemed to be directed at him, and she made sure that he was with her at all times by dragging and forcing him to her strategically chosen positions for him - most often being the one next to herself.

It was a snowy December evening and Lily was found sitting in front of the happily roaring fire reading a book. Sirius was off at detention for setting off a dungbomb in Severus Snape's pants. How it got there...well, no one really wanted to know.

"Lily - we need to talk."

Lily looked up to see Marilyn and Scarlett standing in front of her with determination written in their eyes.

"No we don't," Lily replied simply and dropped her focus back down to her book.

"Cut the shiz Lily," Marilyn rolled her eyes. "How long do you expect this to go on?"

"Until that_cow_ can admit she's a jealous, lying prat," Lily sneered.

"Come on, Lily. You never even gave her a chance. Can't you two just talk?" Scarlett pleaded.

Lily set her book aside and looked up to their faces. "And why isn't _she_ down here begging for mercy? She couldn't even get up the nerve to talk to me herself?"

"No, she's just a stubborn git like you!" Marilyn huffed.

"Well I have no interest in using you two as the little peacemakers you fancy yourselves as," Lily said stiffly.

"FINE!" Marilyn shouted and made to stalk off, but Scarlett grabbed her arm.

"Marilyn!" she chided. "You're as horrible as they are!"

Marilyn rolled eyes and crossed her arms to sulk.

"Lily," Scarlett began again. "Just_talk_ -_to_ - _Cherise_. Okay? I know I speak for all of us when I say this fight is completely ridiculous and needs to be ended. If Cherise is too little to initiate the conversation, then_you_ do it." She placed her hands on her hips and stared at Lily expectantly.

Rather than be accused of being cowardly, Lily stood up and walked defiantly to the girls dorm where Cherise would be found. Scarlett watched her walk off with a triumphant smirk.

"Cherise!" Lily shouted upon entering the dorm.

Cherise looked up from her bed. As she spotted Lily , her features turned dark.

"Yes?" she hissed.

"I want to know why you made up that story about Sirius," Lily said matter-of-factly.

Cherise didn't answer, but merely shook her head and smirked coldly.

"_Well_?" Lily persisted.

"_Well_ I want to know why you're so insistent on thinking it's just a story."

"Because it is!"

Cherise sighed with exasperation. "I am going to say this one, _final_ time, Lily: _Sirius - and - Samantha - kissed_. Kissed. Snogged. Made out. Whatever you want to call it - they did it."

Finally it occured to Lily that Cherise just might be telling the truth...as much as she didn't want to admit it to herself. The anger that had been flowing through her veins a minute ago instead found itself welling up in her eyes and down her cheeks. Try as she might to keep it inside, there was no fighting it. It was as if the weight she had been holding over her head for the past two weeks finally crashed down on her.

With a shudder, Lily dropped herself onto her bed and sobbed into her hands.

"Oh Lily," Cherise said with a sympathetic tone. She sat down next to her friend and wrapped her arms around her, rocking slowly back and forth. Minutes passed like this with Lily crying and Cherise trying her best not to do the same.

"_I'm so s-sorry_..." Lily stuttered through her remaining tears.

"No, no, no! I'm the one who should be sorry!" Cherise cried. "I should've known how hard this would be for you. I just wish this whole thing hadn't happened..." she finished softly.

"I just didn't want to think he would...do that to me..." Lily said sadly, her tears finally subduing.

"I know, Lil. I know," Cherise soothed.

"What am I supposed to do, Rise?" Lily whined hopelessly.

"Did you confront Sirius about any of this?"

"No..." Lily replied quietly. "I didn't want to give you the satisfaction."

They smiled weakly at each other.

"Well maybe you should. You never know...I mean, it could've just been a...misunderstanding on my part," Cherise suggested meekly, not convincing even herself that that could be the case.

"Yeah," Lily agreed, desperate for anything to hold onto that could plead Sirus's innocence, no matter how weak. "I'll, uh...a-ask him tomorrow." Though how that would be accomplished, Lily wasn't sure. The prospect of coming right out and asking Sirius if he had kissed another girl was quite intimidating.

"Friends?" Cherise smiled hopefully.

"Friends," Lily smiled back.

Cherise sighed audibly. "Good. If I have to sit and listen to Marilyn chat up poor James one more time, I swear I'm breaking out the Unforgiveable Curses."

She and Lily giggled loudly, falling back onto the bed and clutching their stomachs.

All was well in the land of friendship.

* * *

"There's my sweet thang," greeted Sirius when Lily finally graced the common room with her presence. 

"Hey," she replied with a sweet smile. "Sirius-" she took a deep breath. "Did you- ..." she started with a serious demeanor, fully intent on inquiring about the Samantha situation, but made the dire mistake of looking into his eyes before she could continue. Those sea shattering eyes. So blue...so sparkling...so...so...perfect...oh...my... "Did you eat breakfast yet?" she stammered breathlessly.

Sirius looked at her oddly. "No... I always wait for you," he said obviously.

Lily gave a nervous laugh. "Of course. I was just--... let's go to breakfast!" she blurted in want of a better - or believable - excuse.

Smooth, Lily. Really smooth.

* * *

"So what did he say?" Cherise questioned Lily as the four girls wandered the snowy grounds after the last class of the day. The Marauders were off and about on "confidential business", as they put it, thus leaving the girls some alone time to bask in their rekindled friendship. 

"I wouldn't know...I never worked up the nerve to ask," Lily responded dejectedly.

"Lils!" Cherise scolded. "You really can't leave something like this up in the air."

"Why not?" she said in a small voice.

Cherise merely gave her a "look" in return. That seemed to be enough for Lily.

"Okay! I know, I know... it's just... I'm scared to hear his answer..."

Not wanting Lily to fall into a depressed state, Marilyn found fit to change the subject. "So! Who's totally excited about tomorrow?" she practically squealed.

"Obviously you!" Cherise giggled.

"Well of course! Who wouldn't be if they were the date of one Remus Lupin?" she said lusciously, loving the words as they left her lips.

"No way!" Lily said girlishly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Maybe because of that pointless fight we were in?" Scarlett supplied.

"Oh..yeah..." Lily said sheepishly. "Well anyway, that is_so_ wicked! But...I thought you fancied James? I mean, it sure looked that way from where I was standing."

"That's because I do," Marilyn said, a pout forming on her lips. "I tried to get him to be my date, but everytime I brought the subject of the Festival up, he'd make it perfectly clear that he's not planning on going."

"Oh...I'm so sorry Marilyn. I wonder why he's not going?" Lily pondered out loud.

"Who knows," Marilyn rolled her eyes. "But whatever. I instead turned my attention-"

"More like _tentacles_," Scarlett interrupted.

"AHEM!" Marilyn glared. "But yeah, I went to Remus instead, subtly mentioning the Festival every now and then until... he asked me!" she chirped the last part.

"So what about you Cherise? Scarlett? Do you guys have dates?" Lily inquired.

"Nah," Cherise answered nonchalantly. "Not like it matters. I mean, besides the dance part, what's the point of having a date?"

"Because you _can_!" Marilyn spouted as if it were obvious.

"Well I don't care if I have a boy hanging off my arm the whole day or not," Cherise stated. "I can have a perfectly good time, regardless."

Marilyn rolled her eyes and whispered into Lily's ear, "That just means she can't get a guy to be her date."

Cherise gasped and smacked Marilyn on the arm. "I heard that, you prat!"

Marilyn smirked tauntingly in return while Lily covered her mouth in an attempt to hide her laughter.

"Well what about you, Scarlett?" Cherise turned the attention to the other date-less one among them. "What's your excuse?"

Scarlett shrugged. "I don't want one. I'd much rather play the field...you know, get a taste of everything," she smiled rather mischieviously.

"You scarlet woman!" Lily giggled.

"That's my name," Scarlett winked.

The girls continued to chatter and giggle in the midst of the winter wonderland that was the grounds of Hogwarts, blissfully unaware that they were not as alone as they thought.

"_Moony, Prongs - you two take the pair of ca_ts," a deep voice whispered from behind a frosty tree. "_Wormtail - you get Adams. Leave the redhead to me_."

A head peeked itself around the wide trunk to check that the girls were still rabbiting on obliviously.

"_'Kay, on the count of three...two..._--"

"ATTAAAACK!"

Shrill screams pierced the crisp air as the girls were pelted mercilessly with expertly designed snowballs. Try as they might to block the impending snow with their arms, it was to no avail. These boys had snowballing down to an art.

Figuring it was every girl for her herself, Lily stumbled backward and made to run for it. Her attempt was halted when she felt strong arms grab her around the waist.

"There's no running from Sirius Black, honey," a voice growled in her ear. Lily shrieked and howled with laughter as he picked her up into his arms and started carrying her away. She swatted at him and kicked her legs to get him to put her down, but he merely grinned at her cheekily.

Lily broke into laughter once more when she saw the sorry state her friends were in. Remus had collapsed onto Marilyn in an attempt to chase her down, and the two were wrestling in the snow - though Lily highly doubted Marilyn wasn't enjoying every second of it. Scarlett was chasing James, who had stolen her scarf and kept brandishing it just over her head. Cherise was involved in a snowball fight with Peter, though Peter had made sure, by way of his wand, that for every one that Cherise threw at him, two would be pelted in return - assuring his dominance in the war.

"Eeek!" Lily shrieked as Sirus dropped her down into the snow behind the tree whence they had originally emerged.

"You bloody wanker!" Lily squawked at him as he plopped down beside her.

"Ay! Just a little harmless marauding," he replied with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "Now I have seized the spoils and returned her to my castle far away."

Lily eyed their surroundings skeptically. "And, uh, this is your...'castle far away'?"

"It does its job fair enough," he replied simply.

Lily grinned. "And what does that mean, exactly?"

Sirius merely leaned over and chose to answer in the inviting form of a kiss. Lily smiled against his lips and replied in a similar manner.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the tree, the battle of the sexes was still raging. Scarlett had snatched her scarf from James and promptly went to save Marilyn by way of immobilizing Remus by tying the scarf around him. Finally free, Marilyn seized the opportunity to grab James, who had hurried to save Remus, by the cloak, causing him to tumble forward into the snow. Cherise, who had taken care of Peter with a simple leg-locker curse, joined Marilyn in the assailment of James.

Ignorant of the screams and yells coming from their friends, Lily and Sirius were occupying themselves quite thoroughly with each other - more specifically, with each other's lips. Lily's hands were tangled in Sirius's deep brown hair, while Sirius's hands were better suited farther south.

A silence soon replaced the cursing in the air, but the kissing couple took no notice. Heck, they probably wouldn't have noticed if the ground beneath them disappeared. Moments of passion can do that to you.

--_SPLUT_--

The impact of an icy snowball broke apart Lily and Sirius immediately.

"What the f--" Sirius whipped his head around to see James standing there, smirking triumphantly...the others behind him in a row, each wielding a snowball dangerously.

"Fraternizing with the enemy, Padfoot?" James mused. "Or shall I say - snogging?"

Lily eyed the ready snowballs warily. "You wouldn't dare..."

They dared.

* * *

Walking into the common room on the morning of December 17th brought the scent of pine and cinnamon swirling around Lily's senses. Streams of garland and holly were hanging from every nook and cranny; there was even the faint hum of carols dancing in the air. 

"Oh, isn't it _cute_!" Marilyn cooed. Lily laughed but nodded in agreement nonetheless. It really was a sight to see, and this was just the common room.

"So where's our men, Lils?" Marilyn mused as she scanned the room. "Imagine making us wait on a day like this. Really." She didn't have to wait long, however, as the Marauders appeared from the boys staircase moments later. "Remmy!" she squealed as she ran off to greet her date.

Lily and Cherise gave each other amused looks. _Remmy_? they questioned wordlessly.

"Oy Evans!" Sirius called as he made his way over to her. "Don't tell me Remus is gonna get the best greeting around here," he said with a pout. Lily giggled when she saw the way Marilyn was fawning over Remus.

"Oh, you poor thing! Here, mommy will make it all better," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a short kiss. Sirius didn't seem satisfied, however, as his pout only intensified when she pulled away. Lily rolled her eyes and was about to berate him when she spotted James over his shoulder. He was leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets, looking quite forlorn as he completely ignored whatever it was Peter was saying to him.

Remembering what Marilyn had said the day before, Lily asked Sirius, "Why isn't James going to the Festival?"

Sirius looked a bit irritated at the subject. "He's been acting real shippy (a/n: I don't believe that's a word, but let's pretend it means 'odd') lately. Dunno what's with him. I mean, the git could have any girl in this whole place, yet he'd rather sit alone in the common room all day. But he's coming along anyway, I convinced him. Afterall, dear old Petey needs an escort, don't he?"

Lily smiled weakly in response.

"So let's go! Breakfast awaits," Marilyn announced. "We need our strength. It's going to be a _long_ day," she said while smiling suggestively at Remus.

Lily untangled herself from Sirius and made to follow the happy couple of Remus and Marilyn when she heard Cherise hiss her name, "Lily!"

"What?" she said as she turned around. Cherise simply gave her a very meaningful look with a motion towards Sirius, who was beckoning James and Peter forward.

This was answer enough for Lily.

Taking a deep breath, she nodded grimly. "Today. I promise."

Cherise raised one skeptical eyebrow and dropped the subject, to Lily's relief. Sirius returned to Lily's side and linked arms as they headed out.

It definitely _was_ going to be a long day...

* * *

Sorry that this chapter is a tweak shorter than usual, but I needed to stop here so I could save the actual festival for the next chapter. I'm really looking forward to the end of the festival because-- er, um..._reasons_.

Look at me almost giving away everything.

I told you I was hopeless.

((Guess who's going to see Michael Vartan at Disneyland this weekend? ...HEE HEE HEE! I'm so tickled orange about it. Mwa ha))

-Ciao.


	9. Cue Perseus

I think it's unanimous: Lily's an idiot. Okay, so she is. But she can't HELP it! She's scared to find out the truth. As many of you said - major denial. Yup. Poor girl. 

I know this chapter is a whole DAY late from my one week promise, but grrrr - HOMEWORK! It consumes me. But I'm up at 3am right now to finish and upload this chapter for y'alls so that it'll be there in the morning (stupid takes forever to load, ugh). That means I haven't gotten to read and re-read every single part. Sorry in advance for any errors. It should be okay, though.

* * *

**"Cue Perseus"**

* * *

"So," Lily spoke as the group was leaving breakfast, "what to do first?" 

The halls were bustling with action. Students running to and fro, laughing and chattering madly, tiny house elves rushing to deliver orders of hot apple cider, cherry tarts, and chocolate eclairs, and all among the ubiquitous echo of carols.

"Let's go on a sleigh ride!" Marilyn suggested vivaciously. "Want to, Remmy?" she redirected to the boy on her arm.

"Sounds great," he replied automatically. As if anyone expected him to respond differently.

They weaved their way to the glistening white outside where a small crowd of students were waiting for a sleigh to take them away.

"So I guess this is the place," Sirius voiced the obvious.

"But wait," James said, "those sleighs only fit up to six people each. There's eight of us. We can't all fit."

The others looked around to find that he was right.

"We could split up," Cherise shrugged.

"Yeah..." Lily nodded her head. "So who'll go with whom?"

Marilyn took control. "Well you and Sirius, obviously, and then me and Remus, of course, so we'll all go together since we're the couples, then Scarlett, Cherise, James, and Peter will go in the next sleigh. Alright?"

Everyone murmured their agreement. All except Lily, that is.

"But Ja--" she stopped herself. "Wel-- ...yeah...yeah okay," she conceded quietly.

"Grand," Sirius grinned as he placed his arm over her shoulders. "There's an open one now. S'go."

Lily looked over her shoulder as they walked off. James offered a weary smile and a wave. Lily's stomach fluttered faintly as she smiled back.

* * *

The countryside surrounding Hogwarts was nothing short of breathtaking during the snowy winter months. Every flake of ice sparkled magnificantly against the midday sun, each competing for the most attention, yet each one lost in the abundance obliviously. The towering pine trees held a light dusting of white - enough to allow a trickle of green to shine through. The shimmering ice of the lake resided ever in the distance, resembling a giant jewel partly buried in the ground. 

"Oh, isn't it wonderful," Lily sighed as she gazed dreamily at the scenery.

"Yeah..." Sirius said with apparent awe in his voice. The beauty even penetrated through to _him_.

Glancing over to Remus and Marilyn, Lily could tell they were not as absorbed in the surroundings as her and Sirius. They seemed fairly content with each other. Remus had his arm around Marilyn, and was twirling her hair playfully while whispering something in her ear. Whatever he was saying, it was very effective at making Marilyn giggle. Not that it was that difficult to accomplish anyway.

Sirius saw this too, and smirked. "Oy Romeo," he nudged Remus's leg. "Something you care to share with the class?"

Remus and Marilyn glared at him irritably.

"Nah, I thought we'd leave our cuddling for later tonight, Padfoot," Remus replied sardonically.

"Padfoot...?" Marilyn queried.

Sirius and Remus looked immediately to each other with identical alarm on their faces.

"Nothing, it's nothing," Sirius covered up quickly. "Remus is just being a wanker. Nothing new," he winked playfully at Remus.

"Oh no you don't," Lily joined in. "I got that same lame excuse from James about these weird names of yours. Now what is this about?"

Sirius and Remus continued to peer at each other uneasily.

"Well...okay," Sirius sighed. "See, they're just these stupid nicknames that we gave each other last year, pertaining to which animal we-- "

"--Most relate to!" Remus interrupted, casting a dangerous look towards Sirius. "It was in this book we found in the library. It told you which animal you most related to and stuff, so we just went from there. And...the names stuck."

"So what're your animals, then?" Lily asked.

"Well I'm Padfoot - a dog," Sirius explained. "James is Prongs - a stag--"

Lily bit her lip.

"--Peter is Wormtail - a rat--"

"Oh that's nice," Marilyn laughed.

"--And Remus here is Moony - a werewolf."

"Ooh!" Marilyn squealed. "A werewolf, huh? How _sexy_," she purred at him.

Remus gave a goofy smile. "Heh...yeah..."

"I wonder what animal I would be," Lily pondered out loud.

"Yeah, me too," Marilyn endorsed. "Hey, do you think we could find that book again?"

"No!" Sirius and Remus shouted in unison.

Lily and Marilyn shared looks of surprise. "Why not?"

"Because...uh...because it's in the Restricted Section!" Remus supplied. "And we wouldn't want to get you ladies in trouble now, would we?"

"Oh I wouldn't mind a bit of danger," Marilyn grinned with her tongue between her teeth.

Sirius swallowed hard and thought frantically for a distraction. Brandishing his wand behind his back, he muttered a few choice words under his breath, unknowest to all except Remus, who gave Sirius a calculating look.

"LOOK OUT!" Sirius bellowed as the tree right in front of the sleigh came crashing down.

The girls screamed as the horse guiding the sleigh swerved just in time. Lily and Marilyn fell into their respective men from the jolt and clung on for dear life. The guys didn't seem to mind.

When the ride became smooth and interrupted once more, Lily lifted her face from Sirius's chest and glanced backwards at the pile of tree that lay behind them.

"What happened?" she asked breathlessly.

"The tree fell," Sirius said simply.

"Yeah, um, _how_?" Marilyn asked shrilly.

"It...fell? I don't know! I'm not some tree scientist!" Sirius defended.

"So was that enough danger for you, doll?" Remus grinned cheekily at her.

Marilyn scowled and crossed her arms. "Prat."

"Really! You two just take what happened back there as some sort of _joke_?" Lily asked dubiously.

"Well-- ...no...?" Remus scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"We could've been killed!" Lily screeched.

"I wouldn't go that far," Sirius chuckled.

"Oh, so being crushed under a huge pine tree qualifies in the 'harmless scratches' zone?"

"Maybe..." Sirius rationalized weakly.

Lily scowled and crosses her arms in a very similar manner to Marilyn. "Prat."

Remus smiled sympathetically toward his friend. "Welcome to the club."

* * *

The group reunited at the steps outside the entrance to the castle. They filled in each other on the adventures of each seperate sleigh. The story of the tree falling definitely attracted the most interest. Though Cherise and Scarlett had a good one about James shoving Peter - a little too forcefully - causing him to topple into the snow. The unanimous agreement was that winter was most definitely a gorgeous time of year. 

"Oy, guys," Sirius muttered to James and Peter as the girls made their way inside. "The ladies, er, know about our codenames."

James and Peter's eyes bulged. "_What_?"

"No, no," Remus assured. He looked around quickly then whispered into each of their ears. When he was finished, both James and Peter looked a lot more at ease.

"Good thing you two are seasoned liars, otherwise we would've been screwed," James said.

"Oh yeah, it's something we take much pride in," Sirius beamed.

"Guys?" Cherise poked her head around the door. "You coming sometime _today_?"

"Right behind you," James declared.

They traced the girls' footsteps into the castle and found them clustered around a jittery-looking house elf.

"-and I want a plate of butter cookies, the ones with the sugar crystals on the top, and they have to be kind of crunchy, but really soft too-"

"-a mug of hot chocolate, but not too hot, and SEVEN tiny marshmellows-"

"-one of those puffy looking things with the cream inside-"

"-apple pie with vanilla ice cream on the side - NOT TOUCHING -"

The elf was looking from one girl to the next, trying - and failing - to follow all the orders. Finally, with a squeak, it skittered off wildly.

"Hey...I wasn't done!" Marilyn shouted after it indignantly.

"Erm, I think we scared it away," Scarlett said uncomfortably.

"Terrifying poor, innocent house elves, are we?" Sirius accused after witnessing the spectacle.

Lily stood transfixed with her hand over her mouth. "I feel so mean," she uttered.

"Nah, don't worry about it," James consoled, placing his hand on her shoulder. "I've dealt with many a house elf in my day, and trust me - they get spooked easily. I mean, practically everytime we go down to the kitchens--"

"You go down to the _kitchens_?" Lily scrutinized.

"Well, yeah," James shrugged.

"That's where you get all the food for those parties you guys throw!" she concluded.

"Where'd you think it comes from?"

Lily scrunched up her face in embarrasment from what should have been an obvious inference. "Well I just never knew students could get into the kitchens..."

"You're not alone. That's what makes it an official maraud," he winked.

"So how does one get there anyway?" she asked in what would be an offhand manner, were her eyes not staring so intently at him.

James picked up on this. Grinning slyly, he merely said, "Just ask the pear."

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. "Pear? What does tha--"

"Lily!"

Lily turned around to face Cherise, who had called her name. "Yeah?"

"Come on, we're going ice skating on the lake. The others just left."

"Oh, um, sure," Lily replied. "I'll see you guys out there, okay?"

"'Kay. But don't keep Sirius waiting - if you know what I mean." She gave Lily a crooked smile and walked out the door.

Lily turned back to James. "So what were you saying? About the pear-- "

"We should get going, don't you think?" James cut her off with a wily grin. He began to walk off, so Lily hopped after him and smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

"James Potter, you are impossible."

"Oh, but anything is possible, don't you know?"

Lily's smile faltered for but a moment as the words hit her.

"Come on," James smiled and took her by the arm. "They'll be waiting."

* * *

The crystal lake was speckled with students. Flashes of scarlet, green, gold, and navy twirling and swooshing past. Lily and James caught up with the rest as they were putting on their ice skates. 

"You pokey little puppies," Scarlett tutted as Lily and James grabbed some skates from the pile.

"Yeah, what kept you?" Sirius questioned from where he was bent over tying the laces.

"Just James's stubborn vagueness," Lily answered.

"And the little _shove_ you gave me into that pile of snow," James added with a pointed tone.

"Which was_after_ you dropped that snowball down my shirt," she countered, clearly surpressing laughter.

"You asked me to!" James said in a shrill voice, noticeably amused as well.

"I was kidding!"

James smiled boyishly and gave her the _But-how-was-I-supposed-to- know?_ look.

"If you two are finished-" Sirius cut in, "I'd like to get some some skating in with my gal today."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Lily said distractedly. She bent down and laced up her skates quickly, then stood back up to face James. "But _you_ started it," she stuck her tongue out at him playfully before heading to the ice with Sirius.

"You know...I'm not that great of a skater," Lily admitted to Sirius as she placed one foot tentatively on the frosty ice.

"You're in luck. I just so happen to be good enough for two," he stated.

"Are you this conceited in everything you do?" she bantered.

"Just about," he replied with his classic smirk.

Lily stepped her other foot onto the ice, discovering just how "not great" she really was. After not even five seconds of standing, she slipped backwards - perfectly into Sirius's arms. She looked up at him bashfully.

"Told you so," she offered a weak smile.

"Sirius Black, at your service," he mocked as he helped her upright again - this time making sure to hold onto her waist.

"Here, let's take it slow for now." Holding her waist from behind, Sirius and Lily moved gradually forward. Other students zipped past, including a dewy-eyed Marilyn and Remus, and James with Cherise on his back. Cherise was howling with laughter and screaming at his every turn. Lily fought off a strange knawing in her stomach at this display, and tightened her grip on Sirius's hands.

"Okay, I think I can take it from here," Lily spoke over her shoulder after a small chunk of time had passed.

"'Kay," he replied as he skated around to her front, taking both her hands and guiding her on while skating backwards. Lily eyed him with a sort of puzzlement.

"I just said I could do it alone."

Sirius shrugged. "I know. I just want to make completely sure you don't fall down again. Wouldn't want my sweet thang getting hurt."

Lily smiled and shook her head in amusement.

"Plus, this way I get to look into your beautiful eyes all I want," he added sincerely.

The way he had expressed the words sent a single shiver through Lily's body. Sirius rarely made such ardent comments, let alone with a serious demeanor. His face demonstrated no cheeky grin, no _Yeah-I-know-I'm- fabulous_ smirk. It was, in all seriousness, Sirius. (hahaha...)

Lily could feel the semblance of a smile creeping to her cheeks. "If you put it that way..."

He led her on slowly, keeping a smooth, comfortable pace. He started going a bit faster, even passing up some other people - which Lily couldn't deny that she was enjoying.

Then he stopped. Abruptly.

Lily bumped right into his chest with an _oof!._ She lifted her head to look up at him when he wrapped his arms around her and laid a kiss on her.

All part of the brilliant mind of Sirius Black.

* * *

After lunch, the group was wandering the decorative halls of the school in hopes of something to amuse them. They ended up passing the hospital wing, which brought a subject to Lily's mind. 

"So how's your grandmother doing, Remus?"

Remus furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Your _grandmother_," James cut in rather forcefully. "You know...the one that was sick a week ago that you had to go _visit_?"

Remus's face lit up with realization. "Oh! Of course! Granny...yeah, she's...doing..._better_..."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "That's good then, I suppose..." she trailed off uncertainly.

"Anyway!" Sirius intervened. "Who's up for a little Pin the Tail on the Dumbledore?"

Cherise raised her eyebrows in amusement. "Sorry Sirius, don't think they have that game booth up this time around."

Sirius feigned shock. "No Dumbledore tailing! And they call this a _festival_..."

"Nope, sorry Padfoot, but I think I know something else that might spark your interest," Remus hinted. Sirius got the message and grinned mischievously.

As the group moved on, Sirius grabbed Lily's arm and hung back a little ways. He led her to the other side of the hall, then motioned his head upwards. Lily followed his meaning and felt a crimson blush creeping over her features as she discovered what it was he was talking about.

"Mistletoe," she smiled bashfully.

Sirius raised his eyebrows innocently. "I simply have no choice but to--..." and he gave her a hearty - legitimate - kiss.

"Professor!" Sirius greeted to a stern-faced McGonagall as he broke away from Lily. He pointed upwards earnestly before she could say anything. "We are perfectly within our rights!"

McGonagall rolled her eyes and said, "It was Dumbledore's idea. He _insisted_ we hang that blasted plant all over the school. Well, if it were up to _me_..." she trailed off and gave the couple a quick up-and-down glance before puttering off.

"She's just bitter that she never gets none," Sirius grinned evilly.

Lily gave him a scandalous look. "You randy prat!" she laughed in spite of herself.

Sirius grinned nonchalantly and shrugged. "So...where were we?"

* * *

Finally - dinner arrived. Meaning the dance was to begin. After probably the shortest dinner in Hogwarts history (due to the speed in which students inhaled the food), there was a mad rush for the dormitories to freshen up and change into formal wear. 

The guys emerged in their tuxes (a/n: yeah I know, supposed to be robes, but idn't it so much funner imagining them in sexy secret agents suits? I rest my case) and slick hair, while the girls presented themselves in a more colorful variety of dresses: Lily in emerald, Cherise in vivid red, Marilyn in pale pink, and Scarlett in midnight blue.

They each found the arm of their respective dates (or lack thereof) and strutted on down to the entrance hall. Walking outside was a chilly experience, but the promise of a heated dancefloor brought hope. They walked leisurely down the carved out path lined with glimmering twinkle lights, until they found themselves face to face with the site of the dance.

Lily gasped.

"Look at it..."

The dancefloor, made to look like crystal clear ice, was lightly steaming with deliciously warm air. A delicate snow was descending from an unknown above. Luminous balls of soft light dotted the atmosphere; when one looked close enough they were found to be fairies, no bigger than the palm of your hand. Quaint metal wire tables fit for two lined the outskirts, along with matching chairs.

And all with a backdrop of moon-glistened snow and daintily winking stars. It was enough to make any of the girls cry from just the dreamishness of it all.

"Yeah - FOOD!" the guys whooped simultaneously before clambering for the dessert table near the back.

The girls bestowed identical looks.

"Good to know tarts and pie comes before _us_," Marilyn said with pursed lips.

"Yeah, but...can you blame them?" Scarlett countered, eyeing the chocolate mousse with more than a little appreciation.

Marilyn smacked Scarlett with her purse. "Prat! Who's side are you on, anyway?"

"Scarlett's," Lily and Cherise answered offhandedly as they left for the food table, leaving a very huffy Marilyn.

"Mm...oh fine!" she grumbled to herself and followed the others with reluctance.

"_Hem guws_," Sirius greeted the appearance of Lily, Cherise, Scarlett, and Marilyn through a mouthful of...something-er-other. Or possibly several somethings. They believed his words roughly translated into, 'hey girls'.

Marilyn positioned herself next to Remus, leaning forward over the table in what would be a seductive manner - were she not crushing several cookies under her arms.

"So...nice music, huh?" she mused.

Remus nodded.

"Don't those couples look so happy out there..."

Remus nodded.

"The dancefloor is lovely, isn't it?"

Remus nodded.

James elbowed Remus harshly in the side. "Dance with her, wanker," he hissed.

Remus's eyes bulged. He looked quickly to Marilyn. "Uh...would you like to dance?"

"Oh sweetie! What an enchanting idea! I'd_ love_ to," she answered with extra relish, slipping her arm through his and hauling him to the dancefloor. She placed Remus's hands in all the right places and got herself comfortable in his arms, gradually falling into the sway of the melody.

Lily smiled to herself at how cute Remus and Marilyn acted when around each other...despite Marilyn's rather, er,_ assertive_ mannerisms. She sighed at the way Remus was smiling over Marilyn's shoulder at that moment. It was a secret smile, unknowest to Marilyn who had her head resting on his chest, and it spoke more clearly than any words could express. It shone of... contentment. Lily wanted that smile.

She turned to Sirius. "Let's dance," she requested with an eager smile.

"Sure thing, doll."

He led her to the center of the misty floor, twirling her once before settling her into his arms. Lily giggled at the unnecessary flourish.

"Thank you, Fred Astaire."

"Who?"

"Nevermind..." she smiled mysteriously.

Meanwhile, James and Cherise kept each other company on the dancefloor, while Peter loitered around the dessert table, and Scarlett migrated from boy to boy. The minutes wiled away unnoticed, as everyone was too pleasantly wrapped up in the perfectness of it all.

"Sirius..." Lily spoke into the former silence between the two as they danced.

"Hm?"

She bit her lip and concentrated on Sirius's tie. "I... well, I feel awkward saying this, but... but I've never really told you before, so..." she moved her gaze into his satiny eyes. "I really like you. I mean... more than that. I'm just so incredibly lucky to even have you look at me, let alone...y'know..._this_...and it just... it means the world to me," she finished tenderly.

For the second time that day, nay - ever, Sirius declined to offer his winsome grin. Instead, his eyes wandered off to an unknown somewhere, a contemplative expression covering his face. The faintest of smiles graced the corner of his mouth.

Rather than speak Sirius out of his reverie, Lily chose to place her lips on his, sweetly. Sirius barely kissed back, only contributing the smallest brushes of his lips against hers. Somehow, this only seemed to heighten the romantic effect.

Lily pulled back first. She looked to his eyes, but could not read them. There was a cloud there...something in the way.

"There's something else..." she breathed, scared to continue.

"What is it?"

"S-something Cherise told me..." she looked away. Of all times - why did she have to choose_now_ to bring this up? Because it was impossible to fight off anymore. "She said--"

"Lily! Mind if I cut in?" Scarlett interrupted in quite a bouncy manner.

"Well, _actually_--"

"Great!" she giggled and stepped in Lily's place. Sirius looked pretty much lost at what was happening, but went with it anyway.

"--it isn't such a good time," Lily finished to only herself. She let out a sigh of frustration and wandered over to one of the tables. She sat with her chin resting on her hands, angry with herself for letting another moment slip by - even if it wasn't technically her fault. But why was it so important to ask him anyway? The incident was weeks ago, and Sirius definitely seemed sincere now, if not then. So, okay, it's not the smartest idea to let something like that slip unnoticed, but she was so happy in the current situation that she didn't want it to be ruined. She truly believed her and Sirius had something special. There were those few moments when she looked into Sirius's eyes and could see something...a different something...and it sent warm tingles down her spine. But then it went away. Like a flame, it shone bright for but a moment, then flickered away. Nevertheless - it was there. The question was...what exactly did it mean?

"Hey Lily," Sirius, obviously finished dancing with Scarlett, said.

She smiled in response.

"I've got to visit the little wizard's room. Be back in a jiff." He turned and walked off toward the castle.

Lily sighed and dropped her chin back to her hand. She watched the other couples that were swaying in time to the music. Off to the side she spotted Remus and Marilyn, still entangled in the other's arms, with their foreheads pressed together. They were both staring into each other's eyes with a far-off look, as if they were staring into something much deeper. Slowly, Remus leaned down to meet Marilyn's lips with his own. He didn't pull away any time soon.

"Someone's looking lonely," a familiar voice chanted, drawing her from her zone.

Lily's face lit up when she saw who it was. "Hello James."

He sat on the chair across the table. "What're you doing here all by your lonesome?"

Lily shrugged. "Just waiting for Sirius. He went to the bathroom."

"Well in that case..." he glanced to the dancefloor and back at Lily, throwing her a crooked smile. "Care to?" he motioned towards the people dancing.

"...I'd love to," she answered after an elapsed moment.

She smiled graciously as she took the arm he offered her. They claimed a spot in an unintrusive corner, away from most of the chatter and associated noise.

"So how have you been enjoying yourself today?" James asked conversationally.

"I've been having a wonderful time," she replied dreamily. "If only we could do this every weekend."

"Yeah, but that would take the specialness out of it, don't you think?"

"I suppose...but it's all so grand and exhilerating and...amazing. I can't imagine anything better."

"Sometimes it's the small pleasures in life that really take your breath away," he said with a small smile.

As he spoke these words, Lily became very conscious of the wonderful warmth his touch was sending all over her body. She shivered in spite of it. Or perhaps because of it.

She looked away from his face and searched for another focal point - any other one. Her eyes caught on a illustrious, icy blue fairy holding a twig of mistletoe. It was fluttering overhead, every so often hovering itself over specific couples. This ceremonially brought blushes and giggles, often getting the results it intended. Sometimes even ending in a slap.

As Lily watched the vibrant fairy, she was alerted to see it head straight for her and James - and stop there. James glimpsed the fairy as well, though he seemed quite amused, as Lily was frantic.

"Er...I don't think...maybe...the fairy--" Lily stammered stupidly.

James grinned valiently. "Don't worry. I'm not about to cross any lines."

Then he kneeled down, took her hand and kissed the back of it gently, as any perfect gentlemen in a top hat and tailcoat would have done.

"But then again," he said once he stood back up, "I'm not about to break the code of mistletoe, either."

Lily, thoroughly relieved, smiled at his sweet gesture. "Thank you, James." She pulled herself to him, arms around his neck, and rested her head on his shoulder.

And like this they danced.

Unknowest to her... she had gotten that smile she wanted.

* * *

The time glided away inconspicuously. It wasn't until four or five songs later that Lily or James even took notice that they were still in reality. 

"Is Sirius back?" Lily wondered out loud as she gave her surroundings a quick scan.

James stole a look too. "Hm...doesn't seem like it. What could be taking him so long?"

"I hope he's okay!" Lily fretted.

"I'm sure he is," James reassured. "He's probably lost or something. Wouldn't put it past that guy."

Lily could only produce a hollow smile in reply to James's humor. She had a knawing feeling in her gut that was draining all mirth out of her.

"Will you come look for him with me?" she entreated James.

"Of course."

After grabbing Lily's purse, they walked together off the dancefloor and onto the path leading to the school. Lily walked briskly and rigidly, looking for any sign of her date. James had to trot a bit to keep up.

Entering the grand entrance hall of the school brought a wave of warmth washing over the pair. Though it somewhat eased James's tensions, it only seemed to increase the sense of foreboding hanging over Lily.

They turned down the first hallway they encountered, slowly their pace just a bit.

"He has to be here somewhere..." Lily said to no one inparticular, except maybe her own thoughts.

"Maybe he went back to the Great Hall for--"

But whatever it was that James suspected Sirius wanted in the Great Hall - Lily never found out. But she did find out where Sirius had been.

He wasn't hurt.

He wasn't lost.

And he wasn't alone.

A mere 5 feet from the boys bathroom stood Sirius...and Samantha Creevy...kissing.

Rather passionately, might I add.

Lily blinked once. Twice. A third time. Yet it still didn't hit her. The fact that the boy she had spilled her heart to an hour ago, whose arms had held her near and dear, whose eyes she was so sure had held a certain love for her, whose lips had caressed hers so many times - that boy - was kissing another girl right in front of her eyes. The one thing Cherise had warned Lily about so long ago, yet she had chosen to trust him instead. Here it was - for all to see. Or Lily and James, at least.

Yeah,_then_ it hit her.

She dropped her purse with a clatter, let out an uncontrollable sob, turned and ran desperately the other way.

Sirius broke apart from Samantha in an instant. His face turned an unnatural white. "_Oh f_---"

Two male voices broke the heavy air. "LILY!"

James and Sirius snapped their necks to see the other source for the voice. Not wasting another second, James sprinted after Lily. Sirius stayed where he was, too paralyzed to move. He just kept running his hand through his hair, making colorful exclamations.

"Lily!" James shouted after her again. He saw her at the base of the stairs, clinging to the banister as her only form of support. She was fully immersed in tears now.

Finally reaching her, James laid a hand on her arm. "Lily...God, I am_so_ sorry tha--"

She ripped her arm from his touch.

"Get away from me!" she shouted through her sobbing.

James took the words like a slap in the face. "Lily--" he pleaded.

"No!" she snapped. "You-You're just like h-h-him." She ignored the hurt written over James's features. "You don't ca-care about me..."

"Lily that is_not_ true! I care about you more than you'll ever know-- "

"Just stop! I don't want to hear it." She paused to take a deep breath, then continued in a hoarse whisper. "...It was all a lie."

She broke into sobs again and ran away up the stairs. James remained rooted to his spot, Lily's forgotten purse in his hand.

"...You're wrong."

* * *

Well wasn't this a chapter full of fickle pickles? And no, Lily and James didn't kiss. Aw poo. Cuz I know that was what you were all expecting. Or, er, what I was expecting you were expecting. ...Anywho. CUE ANGST! Hee Hee. Yay! My favorite!

And I know you all probably hate Sirius right now. Which you should. But come on, he's SIRIUS. We can't hate him. That's why Cindy has a few tricks up her sleeve. Stay tuned.


	10. Playing the Fool

Eeek, thank you so so so so much for all the lovely words, you guys! It makes me happy as a mongoose. : ) 

I'm oh so very sorry that this chapter isn't very long. I really wanted it to have more to it, but if I added the next part... it would just be a big mess of soppiness. So I had to separate it.

So go on... read. Read and be merry. Though this chapter ain't very merry, but...y'know. Read anyway.

* * *

**"Playing the Fool"**

* * *

It hurt. 

This was all Lily could comprehend as she lay sobbing on her favorite couch in the common room. It was the first place she could think of going, and, lucky for her, it was utterly devoid of any student but herself. All the others were still delighting in the diversions of the Winter Festival, blissfully ignorant of the little red-headed girl whose world just came crashing down on top of her.

It hurt more than she imagined it would. And not only because her heart was shattered into countless pieces on the callous ground, but because of how bitterly stupid she felt. It was her own fault for trusting him - for laying it all out on the line when she knew it was useless to begin with.

It was hard enough when Cherise revealed the terrible truth, but seeing it with her own eyes... all Lily could concentrate on was her desperate need to wake up from this nightmare in which she was drowning in.

And then there was James.

For some reason, it was he that brought the most ache to her heart. He was wonderful in so many ways. So many times had they laughed together... smiled together. He always understood. It was as if he had been through life ten times and thus gained the knowledge of so many lifetimes. Then there was his hair. The mess of blackness that refused to cooperate. He always complained about it, yet Lily had caught him, on several occasions, ruffling it up just right to ensure its unruliness. And his eyes. Oh how she could lose herself within them...

No. She wouldn't think about that. Not his eyes. Anything but that.

It was his eyes that lied. That bewitching glimmer was nothing more than an act. He didn't care about her anymore than Sirius did. And why should he? Sirius had said - _We're a two for one special_ - well, he was right. James would've been right on her tail had Sirius not gotten to her first. Neither of them gave a whit about the real Lily. All they saw was a girl -- a skirt to chase.

And they enjoyed it.

Lily felt sick. The two people she had begun to care about more than anyone else in this world had played her like a piano (a/n: someone said that in a review and I loved it, LoL) without the slightest show of guilt.

. . . _but anything is possible_ . . .

The words echoed savagely down the hallways of Lily's mind, bringing a fresh wave of tears to the already streaming pool at the brim of her eyes.

A bumbling little santa hat carrying a clattering silver tray shook Lily from her well of misery, causing her to jump slightly. At second glance, Lily found the santa hat to be a house elf, though the hat was consuming half its body. The sight was either quite adorable, or just plain creepy.

"There Miss is!" the house elf squeaked.

"Huh?" Lily said through her sniffling.

"Dipsy has to run all the way from the chilly outside to deliver Miss's order, but Dipsy does it, she does!" the elf beamed with pride (or rather, ...the hat did?).

"But...but I didn't order anything," Lily explained.

The elf's ears drooped. "Yes Miss did!" it argued. "The boy in the chilly outside tells Dipsy that Miss Lily Evans wants chocolate raspberries right away, she does!"

"Really...I didn't--"

Before she could finish, the elf dropped the tray next to her on the couch and stormed off, muttering, "Ungrateful Miss. Dipsy gets order right, she does..."

Lily stared at the tray with wonder. Chocolate covered raspberries with a side of whipped cream -- her favorite. _Boy in the chilly outside_...Boy? Which boy? And who knew that she lived and died for raspberries, for that matter? It's not like it was a secret, but it certainly wasn't something she divulged to anyone who would listen.

Well, whatever. Whoever the secret sender was, she didn't particularly care at the moment. She was too caught up in self melonchaly.

Minute by minute passed of Lily's sit in silence, her only companion being the remnants of her stifled sobs. She kept telling herself to go up to bed, but something detained her. Maybe it was the therapeutic glow of the fire, or the comfort of familiarity in her favorite spot, or perhaps just because the thought of walking up those dark steps to her dark dorm wasn't the most appealing at the moment. Whatever the reason, Lily remained put.

The normally overlooked creak of the portrait swinging open caught Lily's attention, soon followed by the overwhelming feeling of presence. She turned her head slightly to catch James, of all people, standing at the edge of the couch, hands in pockets like some ever so innocent paperboy or something to the like.

Lily began instinctively wiping the moist mascara lines from her cheeks, then stopped. Why should she care how she looks for _him_?

"So you got the raspberries I sent up, huh?" he spoke meekly, eyeing the untouched tray.

"They're from you then?" she sniffled, her eyes to the floor. "Well... thanks, but no thanks."

James fidgeted somewhat. "So, are you okay?"

Lily remained silent.

"Look...I know you're not in the best state right now, but...well I just can't help wondering... what I did wrong?" The puppy dog eyes were visible in his voice.

Lily took in a slow breath. "Everything..." she whispered as she released the air.

James was visibly taken aback. He tried to find words, but all he found was himself at a loss to do so. "Wha--...I..."

Lily turned to face him. "Just cut the act, okay? I don't need your sympathy."

"Act? Why would you think this is an act?"

"So you want me to believe you actually care about me? After what I saw down there? Why should you be any different than Si-- ...him," she finished in a stutter, finding that his name tasted extremely bitter in her mouth.

James's face tightened. "Because I'm not him."

"You would've done the exact same thing, given the chance," she accused.

"And how are you so sure?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Maybe because you mean something to me."

"Liar," she retorted venemously.

"What do you want from me, Lily?" James demanded in a raised voice, his growing annoyance only too clear. "How am I supposed to convince you that I'm not a total jackass?"

When Lily only turned her head the other way in defiance, James yelled, "Tell me!"

Lily bit her lip as she stared at the ground - the only thing that didn't seem to be spinning out of control at the moment. She did not answer James's question, only uttered a few escaped sobs. "Just leave me alone..."

"Dammit, Lily! You think I don't care about what he did to you? That I encouraged it? What the hell do you take me for? You think--" he stopped to collect himself, running a frustrated hand over his face and through his hair. "You think my world didn't end the moment I saw that hurt in your eyes?" He swallowed hard, his unblinking stare boring into Lily. "Well then, Lillian Evans, you have a few things to learn about James T. Potter."

He shook his head despairingly before turning and walking into the darkness of the staircases for his dorm. Lily watched him go with pleading eyes, her heart crumbling with every step he took. Oh, _why _did she have to be so completely stubborn? Everything that had gone wrong, had gone wrong because of her.

She slumped forward and dropped her head to her hands.

"Dammit," she cursed into the silent air, not entirely sure what it was she was cursing.

* * *

The hour was 3am. Lily lay wide awake in her bed, too emotionally torn to sleep. She had been doing so ever since Cherise, Marilyn, and Scarlett had finally sought her out in the common room shortly after her blow-out with James, bearing immense sympathy and anger. Cherise proudly recounted the story of the slap she delivered to Sirius after having heard the news through the well-versed grapevine - the slap she had been saving up ever since she first spotted him snogging Samantha. It was so powerful, in fact, that it sent Sirius to the hospital wing for the night. She received a detention for it, having been witnessed by Professor Hilton, but she claimed she would have done it ten more times, given the chance. She also presented a desire to inflict all the more damage on Samantha, but the "little tart", as Cherise put it, had fled the scene. 

Now she lay in the perfect stillness of her bed, staring into the perpetual darkness. The even breathing of her friends tiptoed across the air to her ears, breaking the hum of audible silence.

It was driving her crazy.

She so badly wanted to lose herself in sleep like the rest of the student body at the moment, but the knawing sensation of guilt held her back. And it was all because of James. Why must he have such weight on her emotions? She so much wanted to be angry with him, to have the desire to never speak with him again... but she didn't. She couldn't.

And that was because...he was right.

He _hadn't_ done anything wrong. He had been nothing but a true friend to her all this time. It wasn't he who went and kissed Samantha. He was innocent. Completely. And Lily had gone and bitten off his head. Why? Because of her rattling paranoia born out of a moment of desperation.

She stood up. Her mind was made.

A moment later her knuckles were softly rapping on the door to the 6th year boys dormitory. Yes, she was aware that it was past 3am, but at the moment it did not particularly matter. She mentally thanked Cherise for sending Sirius to the hospital wing, meaning there was no risk of having to face him.

The opening of the door revealed a James in nothing but plaid pajama pants and classically sticky-outy hair. That's right, no shirt in sight. Every quidditch-toned muscle was in perfect view, however (a/n: can you tell this is my total nirvana?). Upon registering in his brain who it was that had knocked on the door and was standing in front of him, he backed off the slightest bit.

Aww, bashful.

He licked his lips in search of some words to say as he stared uncertainly at Lily, who was looking quite destitute. Before he found the words he was looking for, Lily took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

James stood frozen for a moment before tentatively returning the embrace. He was completely lost as to what was happening. Did this same girl not cast him from the universe a mere while ago?

Lily filled him in.

"I'm so sorry James," she mourned into his shoulder, in which her head was trying to bury itself - possibly to escape the overwhelming sense of horribleness engulfing her. "I'm such a cow... all those things I said... I didn't mean it, I swear... you didn't deserve a word of it," she lifted her head and looked to his face. Her eyes were crying out to him, though no tears fell. "Please...will you forgive me?"

James averted his gaze from her desperate eyes. It was obvious that Lily's scorn from earlier was still heavy on his mind.

"Did you really think I would do something like that to you?" he asked quietly.

Lily bit her lip. She shook her head slightly. "No... I don't think I ever did. I was just...a bit thrown, I guess. I mean..." she trailed off as the night's events flooded her mind, when she so badly wanted them to disappear in a hole somewhere. "I-I wasn't thinking straight."

Noticing the extra glisten to Lily's eyes, James pulled her back into his arms. "Hey, don't worry about it," he whispered soothingly next to her ear. "I know this whole ordeal has been hard on you. We'll work it out, I promise."

Lily shut her eyes to block the tears. She took a deep breath, indulging in the comfortable scent of James's bare skin. His words were like honey in her ears. It would be alright...as long as James said so...

But then another thought floated across her mind, blocking the sweet feeling of peace from consuming her.

She once again removed her head from his warmth to speak to his face. "Did you know," she sniffled, "what he...Sirius...was doing?" The words came with difficulty, but she needed for them to be said.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you know that he was fooling around with Samantha?"

"You mean he's done it more than once?"

"I guess that's a no..." she concluded.

"God...I just can't believe he'd do something like this," James shook his head in disgrace. "And all the while keep it from me! His best mate! Tha--" he stopped abruptly, noticing the irony of his accusations. He ran a quick hand over his hair and exhaled. "...I'm sorry Lily," was the best he could come up with.

Lily shrugged in what would be a careless manner, had she not cared as deeply as she really did. "It's not your fault. I just... oh, I just wish I'd never gotten involved with him," she said hopelessly.

James smiled sympathetically (a/n: For you Alias fans, imagine Vaughn's expert puppy dog face). "If it's any consolation... I think Sirius realizes what an arse he was."

Lily laughed humorlessly. "Someone give the guy a car."

After a brief spell of silence, James said, "You know, Sirius isn't always this bad."

Lily said nothing. She only concentrated on James's hand, which was entwined with her own.

"I mean, I've known the guy practically my entire life. He's always fancied himself this revered cassanova, but I can't remember anything like this ever happening."

"Great, so now I can feel stupid for getting so attatched," Lily said with spite.

"No, no! The thing is... I think it's because until now, Sirius just mingled with girls like himself - thoughtless and flighty. When he set his sights on _you_...I don't think he realized that, for the first time, he was dealing with a real girl," he finished gently.

Lily smiled to show her gratitude. "How do you always know what to say?"

"It's not really what I say...but what you hear."

"Well whatever I hear always sounds wonderful coming from you."

James's lips played with a smile. It was all he could do to not disappear completely into Lily's eyes, a mysterious shade of jade in the dim light.

Lily bit her lower lip. She, too, was struggling with the difficult task of not falling into that oh-so inviting glint of hazel. For a moment, she almost forgot to breathe. Say something, say something, say something...

"Those raspberries were wonderful," Lily smiled ackwardly.

"So you actually ate them?" James replied with a keen humor.

Lily giggled. "Yes. I did. After you left. My sweet tooth kicked my pride's bum. Chocolate covered raspberries are my absolute _favorite_."

"I know."

"How?"

James shrugged mysteriously. "I have my ways."

Lily rolled her eyes in lighthearted exasperation. "Potter, you are the most evasive person alive."

"Exactly. And it drives - you - crazy," James said with a superior smile, savoring each word.

Lily smiled in spite of herself, knowing very well he was right.

"And is that any way to maintain friendships?" she countered, arms folded.

"Exhibit A," he announced, indicating towards Lily.

She suppressed a laugh. "You know what, I'm just gonna go to bed before you come up with anymore ways to wrap me around your finger," she said with a coy smile.

James grinned. "If you insist." Then said in a much softer voice, "Are you sure you're alright?"

Having completely forgotten about her woes in light of her happy banter with James, Lily's smile faltered abruptly as it came back to her. "Oh...yeah...yeah I think I am," she answered as what she hoped was truthfully.

"Good," he smiled. "Sweet dreams." He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. As he turned back into his dorm, his and Lily's still entwined fingers were the last thing to separate. Offering one last meaningful smile, he shut the door lightly.

Lily leaned her back to the closed door just as James was doing the same from the other side.

They sighed, both oblivious to just how "wrapped" the other person was.

* * *

You know, I had this really cool little scene imagined for when Lily and James say goodnight, only I couldn't find any way of putting it into words. It was just like this movie scene. I had all the camera angles worked out and stuff. LoL. And I just wanted to tell you that because... I felt like it. And I'm sad that I couldn't do it. So now it's like 2 lines. LoL.

Anywho... I hope this chapter was enough to quench your thirst, even if it wasn't that amazing. But hey, plenty of Lily/James action, eh? Eh? That's always popular. Not only that, but SHIRTLESS James action. Wooo-eeee.

It's so wonderful having the power to remove James's shirt at will. ; )

Till next time... kiss-kiss dahlings.


	11. Walking Away

Thanks so much for being such patient little rabbits. I think the forces were against me with this chapter. Many a thing went wrong in the process of putting it together - but never fear! It's here. 

I'm glad y'all liked the last chapter so much. I was scared about it. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just...weird. Yeah, yeah I am.

Okay - read.

* * *

**"Walking Away"**

* * *

For the first fleeting seconds of being awake, Lily felt in a heavenly state. The feeling of his arms around her - utter protection from the outside world. She smiled involuntarily, her eyes still lay shut. 

Then the horrible reason of_why_ she had been in those arms struck her mind like a rock thrown into a perfectly still pond - shattering the enveloping peace. She flipped over to smother her face into the pillow. The foreboding sense of misery reattached itself to her, as if it hadn't ever left for all the hours she had been asleep. Speaking of which...

She flipped her head to the side and squinted wearily at the clock on the wall. 7:27am - she had only slept about four hours. Which certainly did not explain why she had no sleep left in her at the moment. On a normal day - and with a normal amount of sleep behind her - it would've taken both Cherise and Marilyn plenty of poking and struggling to get Lily up. But now that she had had barely any sleep, plus the fact that it was now officially Winter Vacation and students could therefore sleep to their heart's content, she was ready to get up at 7:30am.

Go figure.

She lazily tossed her legs over the side of her bed and walked over to one of the windows. She settled herself on the sill of it and leaned her head against the icy glass, looking out. She rarely got to enjoy this part of the day, as she was never too, er, happy this early. She sighed audibly as her eyes took in the wonder that is a winter morning. Her breath created a soft fog on the window, disappearing as mysteriously as it came. The sky outside was a misty blue, as if afraid to reach its full potential when its partner, green, was so scarce to be seen. The sun's rays washed over the crisp snow at a slant, tiptoeing lightly on the ice. Everything was so incredibly still - like outside that pane of glass, time had stopped. It was all suspended in a single moment. Lily had to jerk her arm a bit just to reassure herself that she was indeed real.

Who knew something as trivial as the position of the sun in the sky could turn everything upside-down.

After several prolonged moments, she reluctantly removed herself from the window to go take a nice, looong shower. She reveled in the luxury of being able to take as long as she pleased since her friends were still asleep and therefore were not liable to squawk at her to hurry up. The hot water washing over her was just what she needed to sweep away the stains of the previous day.

Just forget about him, she kept telling herself. He's a jerk. An asshole. You don't need him.

She stepped out of the shower and slipped on some comfortable clothes. She tiptoed out of the dorm and made her way down to the common room, the anticipation of a quiet breakfast alone being her main focus. The common room was empty, as expected.

But not for long.

Lily was about halfway to the portrait hole when it suddenly opened and a boy stepped inside.

Her breathing stopped. It appeared that his did too.

They stared at each other, identical looks of horror on their faces. Perhaps for different reasons, however.

Sirius broke the terrible silence.

"It was a mistake," he said matter-of-factly.

Lily didn't respond. She couldn't respond. She only stood transfixed to the spot, her eyes boring into him.

"A mistake. A stupid - mistake."

Lily shook her head lightly in utter disbelief of...everything.

"Lily, please, I know I've been a complete idiot--"

"Idiot?" she finally spoke. "_Idiot_? You think that adequately describes how you acted? I practically confess my love for you, then 15 minutes later I find you snogging another girl? That's just-- I can't _believe_-- you're just so--" she couldn't find the words she wanted, so she merely took a deep breath to maintain her composure.

"Look, it's not what it seems--"

"I find that right hard to believe."

"Reall--"

"No."

"Bu--"

"No."

"Lil--"

"Black!"

Lily was standing with her fists clenched at her side, face radiating with suppressed anger. Sirius looked just plain exasperated.

"Can't I at least explain myself?" he pleaded.

"I think I got the gist of it well enough with my own eyes."

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"Yeah, sorry you were caught."

"No! It's not like that," he defended.

"It's not? Hm. Then all those other times you went playing around with Samantha and who knows who else don't count? Or is it just because you got away with it?"

"Other times?" His voice was taut.

"Yes. _Other times_. It just so happens that Cherise caught you and Samatha in the act a month ago, but I dismissed it as nothing because I thought you'd never do that to me." She spoke smoothly and casually, when really each word was like a stab in her already broken heart.

Sirius swallowed hard. This was a deer in headlights, if ever there was one.

"Okay!" he conceded, then continued with evident awkwardness. "It's true. There were... _other times_--"

Lily closed her eyes to attempt to block it all out. Hearing the truth from his own lips... it was terrible.

"--but last night, that was different!"

"Sirius, you were_kissing_ her."

"I didn't want to!" he vented with frustration.

"Didn't _want _to?" her voice was seething with skepticism. "Oh right. So what you're telling me is that she put some kind of spell on you, right?"

"No..." he admitted. "It's just that... I _tried_ to say no - I did!" his voce had reached a level of pleading. "But... urgh, for merlin's sake, Lily - I'm a _guy_. I can't bloody help it!"

"And that makes everything better, does it?" She refused to succumb to crying. "Yeah, well, I'm a girl. A girl who made the dire mistake of thinking you had decency. I--" her voice wobbled dangerously on the edge of a sob. "I...I _trusted_ you."

Her last words, spoken in little more than a whisper, rang out in Sirius's ears with a numbing veracity.

"Excuse me," she breathed before walking hurriedly past him and out the portrait hole.

* * *

Lily held the unmistakable urge to curl up in a corner and die at the moment, but, thinking that wasn't the most clear-headed decision to make, headed to the Great Hall instead. It was disturbingly empty - only a lone student here or there. The early birds. The people Lily would never, ever understand (a/n: I second that). She figured the emptiness was due to the time of the morning in combination with how exhausted the students would be from overwhelming merriment the previous night. 

Oh, how she envied them.

She sat down at the long, barren Gryffindor table and dropped her head to her hands. Food could wait until she was thinking straight.

Luckily, Sirius didn't end up following her as she suspected he might. Lucky for _him_ actually, for Lily was not sure she could restrain herself from smashing the milk jug on his head if he did appear. She took a deep breath of inner calmness. _Ponies and flowers...ponies and flowers...ponies and flowers._..

She grabbed a piece of buttered toast from the platter before her and crunched on it mindlessly. She paid no heed to the fact that normally she would not so much as touch a piece of toast if it did not have raspberry jam spread over it.

Once she noticed this error, she dropped the half eaten piece of toast to the table and stormed out of the Great Hall. This whole flurry of nerves thing was just not working for her. She summoned her cloak and scarf right there in the Entrance Hall out of reluctance to retread her steps to where Sirius might be lurking.

Stepping out into the frosted outside brought the scent of frozen pine to her already numb nose. She crunched her way easily through the snow, wandering leisurely towards a destination that did not exist. Sporadic groups of students graced her path; fourth years giggling and yelling as they pummel each other with snowballs; second year boys chasing second year girls who squeal and shout when they get caught, pretending to not enjoy every moment in the spotlight; seventh year couples nestling behind trees or similar unobtrusive hiding spots. Even the animals seemed chirpier than usual. Some twittering little birds were fluttering overhead, singing and swooping and laughing gaily. Lily smiled at this delightful show of recreation. It was satisfying even feeding off of other people's happiness, given her current state of lacking any such joy for herself.

She eventually found herself at a sort of cliff around the rear end of the castle. It overlooked the lake and forest beyond that. The tiny green treetops went on for miles, a light dusting of powdered sugar sprinkled over them. This was the exact spot she had intended on coming to -- without the intention ever being there.

She wrapped her arms around herself for warmth and a feeling of some sort of comfort. She silenced her thoughts in an attempt to match the peace floating in the air surrounding her.

Even the soft wind seemed to quiet itself for her.

Then a face drifted to her subconscious mind. It wasn't Cherise, Scarlett, or Marilyn. It wasn't Sirius. It wasn't even James.

It was Remus.

It was the Remus holding onto Marilyn so dearly...the Remus who smiled over Marilyn's shoulder...yes, that smile...

It lingered in her consciousness like a feather floating on water -- it is barely there yet refuses to leave. Why she was doting on this one insignificant show of affection so acutely, Lily did not know. But she could not make it go away.

It made her wonder... had Sirius ever smiled like that at her? Had he ever thought how incredibly lucky he was to have her in his presence, if even for only a moment? Had he ever caught himself staring at her for unexplained reasons...maybe just for the sake of taking in the image of...her?

No, she thought. He hadn't. At least it didn't seem like it.

Well, was that so much to ask? A little show of sincere fondness every now and then?

No. She didn't want it from him anyway. He's a complete wanker who deserves to be flung off this cliff in front of her.

Or maybe she was taking it all too dramatically... this _is_ Sirius Black, afterall. Did she really expect him to fall hopelessly in love with her and spend every waking moment whispering sweet nothings in her ear and holding her like he'd never let her go?

Okay. That's it. No more sappy movies for Lily.

The overwhelming silence was replaced with the soft crunch of footsteps. It was soon followed by a voice.

"Fancy meeting you here, Evans," came the teasing voice of James.

Lily turned her head to find James and Remus standing over her. James had a playful smile twisted onto his lips, while Remus looked rather concerned (a/n: think Vaughn, people - VAUGHN).

"Hey guys." She offered a weak smile then turned her focus back to the view. The boys noticed her subdued demeanor, thus joined in her silence.

They shared a gaze out into the endless sea of treetops, a soft wind whistling past their pink ears. James stole several glances at Lily from the corner of his eye, not entirely sure what he was checking for.

Remus was the one to finish the quietude. "Are you okay, Lily?" he asked in a voice mirroring his troubled expression.

Lily shrugged, not breaking her stare. "Yes and no."

James and Remus exchanged glances.

"I saw Sirius this morning," she revealed quietly, dropping her eyes to the snow below her.

"He told us," James said meekly.

Lily looked at him. "Did he also tell you that he doesn't care one whit about what he did?"

James bit his lip. "Not quite."

"He's not even sorry..." She busied herself with a loose string on her cloak.

"Actually Lily," Remus started, choosing his words with great care. "That's not exactly the impression he gave to us."

"What do you mean?"

* * *

_FLASHBACK TO THAT MORNING IN THE BOYS DORM - SOMETIME AFTER LILY'S CONFRONTATION WITH SIRIUS

* * *

_

James (in all his shirtless glory) rubbed the sleep from his eyes lazily and pushed his bed hangings open. The first sight to meet his eyes was Remus coming out of the bathroom, his hair wet and frowzy. They met eyes, and Remus nodded his head towards Sirius's bed. James glanced over to see Sirius sitting on the end of it, his head dropped to his hands.

"Oy, Padfoot," he called to him.

No response.

Remus gave James a look that clearly said, _See?._ James, unsatisfied with this answer, crawled out of his bed and over towards Sirius. Before James even reached him, Sirius slowly lifted his head off his hands, and reset his chin heavily on his knuckles.

"I saw Lily this morning," he said tonelessly.

"And...?" Remus pressed when Sirius failed to elaborate.

"...She hates me," Sirius finished.

"Did you expect anything less?" James retaliated, his bitter tone not at all hidden.

Sirius took a deep breath and stretched his body up, slumping backwards onto his bed in the end.

"No," he said simply.Too simply for James. He definitely wasn't expecting this answer.

"Well then--" he started, just to be interrupted by Sirius.

"I'm a complete asshole," he said in the same straightforward manner.

"Glad you could figure that out," Remus said coldly.

Sirius seemed unaffected by the harsh glares emitting from his friends. "Guys, what am I gonna do?" he plead, finally beginning to show some sign of emotion.

"Don't ask _us._ You brought this on yourself," James answered.

"I know," Sirius said dejectedly. "And...God, I wish I hadn't. I mean, I've never had a_ real_ relationship before. How am I supposed to know what to do? I usually just--" he flourished his hands in a whimsical manner, as if to demonstrate his capricious past. "--you know? This whole thing with Lily..." He ran his hand through his hair as he exhaled. "Damn. I'm not mature enough for this."

Neither James nor Remus knew the words to say. They both wanted to begrudge Sirius for his mistreatment of Lily, yet seeing their best friend looking so desolate and confused... they couldn't hate him.

"Look, Black, what you did was low. Very low. But the least you can do is go and apologize to Lily," Remus explained.

"I tried!" Sirius cried. "This morning - what do you think I was trying to do? But _she - won't - listen_."

"What did you say to her?"

"Well, I_ tried_ to tell her that I know I'm an idiot and all those times with Samantha--"

"Wait, wait," James cut in. "Just_ how_ many times with Samantha are you talking about?"

Sirius felt the same flush come over his face as when Lily deduced the same thing earlier. "Just...y'know...a couple times_...-cough-weekends- cough_..." he mumbled indistinctly.

"Every weekend!" James exclaimed.

"Maybe!" Sirius retorted indignantly.

"God, Padfoot, what were you thinking?"

"I don't know!" he blurted in frustration. "But I stopped! Okay? A couple weeks ago I told Sam we needed to stop - I didn't want to go behind Lily's back anymore. I...I really started to feel something for her. Lily, I mean. It was like...I dunno...a light came on or something."

James gulped.

"So tell her that!" Remus urged.

"I don't know how," he muttered hopelessly.

"Try going up to her and repeating what you just said to us - to _her_," Remus explained as if to a five year old.

"But that's just the problem. I _can't _say it to her. I'm not used to...saying such...y'know..._deep_ things."

"Well, you need to learn if you want Lily to ever look at you again."

"Yeah..." Sirius conceded dejectedly. "But...heeeey -_you_ guys know how to talk about all that jazz. What if...er...you two talked to her _for_ me?" he proposed hopefully.

"Oh no you don't Padfoot," James shook his head. "We can't play your messengers. Besides, I don't think it would show much sincerity from you if you used _us_ to talk to her."

"I agree," Remus...agreed. (hahaha)

"Come on!" Sirius whined. "Just something - anything - so that she won't be so hostile towards me. I swear I'll talk to her later, I just need you two to...y'know...butter her up."

"'Butter her up'?" James repeated incredulously.

"You know what I mean!" Sirius said impatiently. "Please? I just want her to know that I didn't mean to hurt her and...and..." he ran out of words.

"We'll tell her, Black," Remus promised.

James bit his tongue.

* * *

_BACK TO LILY, JAMES, REMUS_

* * *

"What do you mean?" 

"For one thing, he was a total mess," Remus started. "And...he told us that he completely regrets what he did. He really didn't want to hurt you, Lily."

Lily remained quiet. She didn't know what to think.

"It's true," James joined in, rather quietly. "He hates what he did. He's a wreck, you should see him--"

"I did," she reminded him.

"No, Lily, the _real_ him,"James corrected. "Not the front he puts up for everyone. You think he's that buoyant ball of chutzpah all the time? It's a defense. Which is exactly why he can't even put together a decent apology - he's too caught up in his own image."

Again Lily said nothing. She stared hard at James's face as her mind processed his words.

"Let's go back to the castle," she said suddenly. "It's cold."

James and Remus willingly obliged. They walked slowly, contentedly, no words being exchanged. Every now and then, Lily would catch James's eye and he would smile modestly at her. Lily did the same. And each time she would forget about the chill of the wind and sharpness of the air for a moment...just one moment...

They rounded the corner of the castle to find Cherise, Marilyn, and Scarlett huddled in a circle near the main doors. Remus and Marilyn caught sight of each other, identical smiles lighting up their faces. Marilyn detached herself from the group, and ran over to greet him, practically throwing herself into his arms. Remus received her gladly, twirling her around once before placing a lengthy kiss on her lips.

Lily and James shared self-conscious smirks as they stood ackwardly next to the passionate couple. Luckily, Cherise diverted their attention.

"Lily!" she practically shrieked. "Where were you!"

"Um...here?" she shrugged.

Cherise twisted her mouth to the side in annoyance. "Thanks genius, I know that _now_, but when I woke up - you were gone. All the years I've known you, you've _never_ willingly woken up before me. For all I knew you could've been...been...kidnapped by a madman and carried off to Switzerland!"

Lily snorted in amusement. "You're ridiculous, Rise, you know that?"

Cherise smiled in spite of yourself. "Okay, okay. But it was strange. I mean... what were you doing?"

"I wasn't tired this morning, soo...I got up."

Cherise raised her eyebrows. "That's it?"

"Um...well...I kinda saw...Sirius..." she trailed off.

"And what did he say?" Cherise spoke with mindful purpose on each word.

Lily sighed. "What do you think?" she asked hypothetically.

Cherise pursed her lips. She was ticked.

"Um, I think this is my cue to leave..." James said to no one. "Remus!" he called to over where Remus and Marilyn were giving each other doe-eyes.

James rolled his eyes.

"Enough is enough, Romeo. Let's let these girls talk in privacy," he said, walking over and yanking Remus by the arm.

"See you in the common room?" Marilyn shouted after him.

"You got it!" he shouted back.

Marilyn smiled to herself then drifted lazily over to where her friends were waiting.

"Well that was a friendly 'hello' if I ever saw one," Scarlett observed.

"Oh, um, yeah...I guess I should mention that--" Marilyn paused to stifle a giggle of glee. "Well...Remus and I are _official_ now. He asked me to be his girlfriend last night."

"Really!" Lily and Cherise squealed in unison, both completely disregarding the topic of Sirius.

"Why didn't you say so earlier?" Lily questioned.

"I, er, didn't think it was the most opportune moment..." Marilyn explained slowly, wringing her hands subconsciously.

Lily got the picture. "Well, good for you, Marilyn. Remus is completely lidacious."

"Huh?"

"Oh...nothing," she covered with a secretive smile. "But anyway, at least one of us could find their knight in shining armor."

"Yeah..." Marilyn smiled dreamily to herself. Then realized-- "Wait! No! I mean...yes!...I mean, wait--"

Lily laughed. "It's okay! Really. It's not your fault Sirius is...the way he is," she said a bit sadly.

"A wanker?" Scarlett provided.

"Yes," Lily smiled appreciatively. "Exactly."

* * *

Later that night, Lily, Cherise, and Scarlett were found sitting in the pleasantly toasty common room, chatting in classic girl fashion - though not a word of Sirius, at Lily's command. She wanted to forget it and just have a relaxing gab with her friends. 

Marilyn and Remus were off gallivanting somewhere, basking in the "cuddle and coo" stage of their new relationship. Sirius was just...off somewhere, James with him. Peter was in bed. The little punk.

"Okay, okay," Scarlett began, all smiles. "Would you rather he give you a kiss on the lips, or a kiss on the neck?"

Lily bit her lip ravenously as she thought. "Mmm...lips! That way I can contribute to the kiss as well," she grinned.

"Uh-uh! Neck all the way," Cherise argued.

"And why is that?" Scarlett pressed.

"'Cause it's sexy!" she replied as if it were obvious.

The girls began giggling mercilessly, as they had been doing for quite some time. After they finally subdued themselves, Scarlett stood up.

"Okay girls, I really need to be getting to bed. It's 11:00."

"Ooh, is it?" Cherise asked. "Well then, I guess I'll go too. Coming Lily?"

Lily shook her head. "Nah. You two can go. I want to stay a little longer."

"You sure?" Cherise checked.

"Yes. I like this time of night. It's relaxing."

"Okay then. Well, be sure to let us know what time that vixen Marilyn gets back. _If _she gets back," Scarlett winked.

Lily watched her friends walk off then summoned a book - the title's not important - from a nearby table and began to read. As she immersed herself deeper and deeper within the pages, the students in the common room gradually dwindled. Cluster by cluster they removed themselves from the poufy armchairs and couches to migrate to their own, warm beds for the night. Without realizing it, Lily read right on past midnight.

Somewhere around 1am, the group consisting of Marilyn, Remus, James, and Sirius entered the common room stealthily. Students generally weren't appreciated out of bed past 11pm.

Lily turned her head to look... then wished she hadn't. Out of instinct, Remus and Marilyn threw small nods of acknowledgement to Lily, then rushed to their respective staircases. James lingered at first, then, feeling the tension in the room, decided to follow in Remus's footsteps. Be that he wanted to or not.

Sirius stayed. The one person Lily most wanted to avoid.

He walked tentatively to the end of the couch she was sitting on and stood there ackwardly.

"Lily..."

"Sirius," she replied stiffly.

He searched the floor aimlessly with his eyes. Running an uneasy hand through his -perfect- hair, he exhaled audibly.

He was nervous.

Sirius Black, the guy who could muster a marriage proposal from a girl within 5 minutes of meeting her. Sirius Black, the guy who eased his way through - and out of - detentions weekly. Sirius Black, the smoothest of smooth operators in Hogwarts, nay, England - was nervous.

And quite noticeably so.

"Lily...I...I'm sorry," he stated defeatedly.

Lily turned her head the other way and apparently became fixated with a tapestry on the wall.

Sirius moved a few steps toward her sitting figure. "Really...what I did...well, what I did to you...it wasn't right. I...I know that now. And...I just want you to know that...I'm sorry."

Silence.

Sirius rubbed his face distressingly with one hand.

"Why did you do it...?" Lily's quite voice spoke sadly. She was still facing the opposite wall.

The image of a smile haunted Sirius's lips, as if cynically amused with himself. "Because I fancied myself God's gift to women," he said extremely matter-of-factly.

A lone tear escaped from Lily's eye in spite of all her resistance to let Sirius affect her once more. "Leave me alone.." she uttered in a choked whisper.

At this, Sirius sat down next to Lily and forced her to face him. "I can't."

"Why not?" Lily bit with fresh tears glistening on the brim of her lashes. "Why do you even care? Huh? Isn't there some girl you could be snogging right now?" Her voice wavered on the last few words.

Sirius's face was uncharacteristicly solemn. "I care because... I _hurt_ you." His gaze broke away from Lily and dropped to his lap. His eyes were desperate...confused...it was as if saying the words confirmed what he had suspected. "And I don't ever want to do that again..." he breathed.

Lily couldn't find any words to say. She scanned his miserable face. Something was lingering around in those baby blues of his that was never there before -- something that resembled remorse.

"I guess he was right," Sirius murmured almost to himself. He locked his eyes with hers. "You really _are_ a special girl, Lily Evans."

He kissed her softly on the cheek, pausing an elongated moment after he pulled away to look in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered once more before standing up and walking languorously to the boys staircase, eventually disappearing.

Yes... they always walked away...

* * *

I'm thinking some of you out there in reader-land will recognize that little "kiss on the lips/neck" question. Tee Hee. I was fortunate in not having to think up my own thanks to the game y'all had going earlier. Much thanks.

Anywho - So yeah, this whole ordeal is like, over and done with in two days, story-time. LoL. I'm so horrible with time like that. But oh well. It's not like it's over COMPLETELY. Oh no. Oooooh no.

And I leave you here.

-Ciao.


	12. Delicate Confessions

You guys are so completely wonderful. Really. All the reviews...they just make me want to die with delight. So thank you times fafillion (ask the twisted mind of Meha how large of a number that is, cuz it's beyond me). 

I know I know it took me a while to get this chapter up, but it's the best I can do. Please don't throw tomatoes, or pumpkins, or fish bowls, or whatever kids these days are throwing at bums like myself. I'll TRY to be quicker, but I really can't make any promises.

Let patience be your guide, grasshoppers.

Btw - No, I haven't forgotten about tutoring. But it's Winter Break right now, so that doesn't apply.

* * *

**"Delicate Confessions"**

* * *

Sirius could not have left Lily any more confused at her own emotions if he had tried. Before talking with him that night, Lily was fully intent on hating him for the rest of her life. 

Yeah, then she talked to him. Thus her world flipped upside down. It was so much_simpler_ when she could hate him. But now... now she couldn't. But if she couldn't hate him, what could she do? ...Like him? After what he did to her?

Yes.

It would not be easy - but she would do it. She would meet him all over again, maybe rediscover what it was that really brought that smile to his bright blue eyes. She had finally caught a glimpse of the goodness that boy possessed, and she certainly wasn't going to let it get away.

* * *

"So what went on in that little rendevous with Remus last night, Marilyn?" Lily inquired. "You didn't get back until _midnight_." 

The girls were wandering about the castle from lack of anything better to do.

"Yeah, dish some details, girl," Scarlett poked.

"Weeelllll..." Marilyn played with the word. "We, y'know, went...places...and did...stuff..." Her up-in-the-air tone was enough to destroy any girl with even a hint of curiosity.

"Oh, please. That is just_screaming_ for an elaboration," Cherise fussed.

Marilyn reveled in the attention. "Okay then. He...took me somewhere."

"Where!"

"...I can't tell you."

"Why?" Lily whined.

"Remus made me promise!"

"Really, Marilyn, you know the first rule of secrets is that you do not go dangling them in front of people then snatch it away," Cherise reasoned.

"But that's exactly what makes keeping secrets so fun." Marilyn smiled with her tongue between her teeth.

Before any of the girls could prod any fruther, the Marauders came into view from around the corner.

"Speak of the sweetheart!" Marilyn cried.

Remus strode over to her and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Miss me?"

"Depends... you miss _me_?" she countered.

The others rolled their eyes in unison. Ignoring the now standard cooings of Remus and Marilyn, Cherise said to the boys, "All finished at the library, eh?"

Earlier, the Marauders claimed to have gone to the library for some "advance studying", when it was only too obvious to everyone that they had no plans of opening any books.

"Oh yeah. I'm all learned out," James answered, feigning exhaustion.

"Uh-huh," Scarlett said skeptically. "And I'm sure your pockets were bulging with candy and other assortments _before_ you left, too, right?"

James hurriedly closed his robe around himself. "Of course!"

Cherise and Scarlett slipped each other sly looks.

While this interrogation of James continued, Sirius and Lily stood to the side, quite removed from it all. They were both noticeably struggling to figure out exactly what to do. Should they talk? No, no... what if the other person didn't feel the same as they did? Or what if they DID feel the same? But what exactly was that "same"? Did they...hate each other? No. Did they possibly...like each other?

By chance, their gaze met. Sirius smiled timidly.

A moment went by...

Then Lily smiled as well. That was all Sirius needed.

"How are you?" he asked in what would seem a casual voice.

"Good, I suppose. And yourself?"

"Alright," he shrugged.

Lily noticed the bulge of his pant pockets, similar to James's.

"Is that a pack of Chocolate Frogs in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" she asked with a coy smile.

Sirius's face held laughter just beneath the surface. "Both?"

"Lily!" Cherise caught her attention. "Will you run back up to the dorm with me real quick? I need to grab my wand."

"Sure."

She offered a small wave to Sirius before trotting off with Cherise. They walked off down the hall briskly, starting up a mindless array of chatter.

"--It was like that time two summers ago when me and you got lost in that park? Omigosh, remember that? We were_ so_ dotty back then," Cherise giggled and Lily follwed along.

"Yeah, and you had to take a pee so you had to find a bush, but then that squirrel ran out from under it and--and--" Lily could hardly talk she was laughing so hard.

"Shut up! At least _I _didn't get my foot stuck in that mud hole, did I? And--"

They rounded the corner to the hall with the Fat Lady's Portrait when their footsteps, along with their laughter, died instantly. Samantha Creevy, whom neither Lily nor Cherise had seen since her fling with Sirius, just happened to be walking down that hall towards the girls, when she too stopped in her tracks.

Cue the cat claws, girls.

"Wench!" Samantha and Cherise cried simultaneously. "What!" they again shrieked in the same instant and indignance.

"Where do you come off calling me something like that? Evans there was the one who--" Samantha started.

"What hex are _you_ under? You TOTALLY ruined everyth--"

"Shove it, Adams--"

"Fine, turn around, Creevy--"

"CHERISE!" Lily cried at her ruffled friend.

"What?" she snapped irritably, not tearing away from her death glare on Samantha.

"I think I can handle this myself, thank you," Lily explained.

Cherise twisted her mouth to the side, and folded her arms against her chest in resignation. "Fine."

"Thank you," Lily said then turned to the annoyed blonde. "Now," she started calmly. ...Then screwed the calmness and went off stormily. "..._what_ the hell do you think you were doing messing around with Sirius when you knewperfectly well he was _mine_?" she spoke quickly and harshly.

"Hah, he was _so _not yours," Samantha countered.

"Wanna bet?"

"Yes, actually, I do," she said with a dangerous glint in her eyes. "Tell me, did he ever ask you to be his girlfriend? Did he ever even _call_ you his girlfriend?"

"That doesn't matter--"

"Doesn't it?"

"No. It doesn't. A signed contract isn't necessary to seal a relationship."

"What is, then?"

"How about love, and trust, and honesty--"

"Well there you have it. You've just proven my point. Thank you, Evans," Samantha smirked at her triumph.

Lily's mouth which was set to rebuke Samantha's catty comments closed suddenly. Samantha was right. Oh God.

"Well...that still doesn't...you should'nt have..." she stumbled through her words, finding that none of them fit quite right.

Samantha waited patiently for Lily's explanation. Too patiently. Lily could have smacked that royal look right off her face, given the chance.

Suddenly Lily found it. "If your actions are completely justified, then why did you two have to hide it like that?"

Samantha's smirk faltered. "Because...because you just wouldn't have been happy with it! Since you _obviously_ fancied yourself Sirius's true love or something," she chuckled mirthlessly.

"At least _I _didn't have to trap Sirius in a dark corner to get him to kiss me."

"I would hardly call it _trapping_," she said with an eye roll.

"I would."

"Listen Evans," Samantha's voice turned from haughty to menacing. "You stole my boyfriend at the worst possible time in my life, then completely turned him against me. Now the _one_ person in this world who actually gave a shit about me won't even look at my face. I hope you're happy. Enjoy your five minutes in the spotlight."

She turned on her heel and stormed down the hall whence she came, leaving Lily and Cherise with identical looks of irresolution.

"What was that about?" Cherise asked timidly.

Lily turned to her and answered in a voice much unlike the strong one used but a moment ago.

"I don't think we're supposed to know."

* * *

After a bit of seemingly fruitless searching, Lily and Cherise reunited with their friends in some abandoned tower on the west side of the castle. It was evident the guys gave up their ever-so-innocent front, as they were now passing around heaps of candy and other unhealthy assortments of the like. 

"So what're these called again?" Marilyn asked Remus as she unwrapped a startlingly yellow wrapped candy.

"Er, Canary Creams."

James narrowed his eyes. "But aren't tho--"

Remus slyly whacked him without taking his eyes off Marilyn and the candy. Marilyn, obviously disregarding the boys' behavior, popped the fluffy yellow ball into her mouth.

With a _SQUAWK_ and a light _pop_ ... Marilyn's body was covered with yellow feathers -- her mouth now resembling a beak, and her arms wings. She was a canary.

The boys went into hysterics (hands over mouths, rolling on the floor, clutching stomachs) -- the girls didn't.

Marilyn narrowed her eyes and peered dangerously at her boyfriend. Remus stopped laughing immediately. Though James, Sirius, and Peter were still jabbing at him and bascially flipping out with amusement.

"That was_so_ not funny that I would dare to call it _asinine_," she said through gritted teeth -- or whatever that would be considering her beak.

Remus suppressed a smile. "Oh come on...it is _kind_ of funny..."

Marilyn glared further.

"--Or not."

"Look, Marilyn," James attempted through his sustaining laughter. "It wears off after a few minutes, don't worry about it. You'll be rid of that be-- that bea--" he broke off into a snort and fell back into a laughing fit with Remus, who could not hold it in anymore.

Marilyn slapped Remus with her wing and turned to face the other way in a huff.

"Aw, Mari..." Remus pressed.

"Nope. Save it," she quipped. "I'd rather give my rapt attention to people who do not con me into becoming a bloody _bird_."

"If it makes any difference - I think you're the cutest bird I've ever seen," Remus replied hopefully.

Didn't work. Marilyn remained in a stew.

"So!" she started to Lily and Cherise, having just recently returned. "What's up with you two?"

The girls tried their very hardest not to crack a smile at the absurd appearance of their friend. "Um...we saw Samantha Creevy in the hall," Lily said in a very restrained voice - though unlike the restrained anger it would normally evoke, the canary before her caused a tone of restrained hysterics.

Sirius snapped his head up to look at her. His face was that of a child hearing his mother walk in the room just as his hand was halfway in the cookie jar. He scrambled to get up.

"I, uh, I...I'm gonna...go..." he sputtered.

"No, don't!" Lily stopped him. She paused a moment. "Wait...actually, yes, do go. But I'm coming with you."

Sirius was confused, to say the least. He towards the stone, spiral stairs uncertainly, Lily on his tail. The others were left with eyebrows raised in question, and one particular fist clenching a Bertie Bott's package a little too tightly for comfort.

* * *

"So...you saw Samantha, huh?" Sirius repeated the obvious. He and Lily had wandered a little ways down the hallway from the stairs to the tower, deciding to rest on a rather large windowsill. 

"Yes I did, and--"

"I have nothing to do with her anymore, I swear -- I've even stopped speaking with her," Sirius confessed eagerly, hoping this would make everything better.

"I know," she replied artlessly. "And that's exactly what I wanted to talk with you about. You see, Samantha said something...something that really got to me--"

"If she said anything to hurt you Lily, and I swear I'll--"

"No!" she corrected. "It's not that. She said something that...made me worry...about _her_." Lily looked up into Sirius's eyes with concern. "Sirius, were you aware of any kind of...I dunno...problems in Samantha's life? Like...family problems or something?" She chose and used her words delicately, as if each one had the chance of falling to the floor and shattering if applied too harshly.

Sirius's eyes darkened. "Yes."

Lily fluttered her eyelids down.

"--But I don't feel I have the right to say anything about it."

Lily nodded in understanding. "I just...feel so bad now..."

"You shouldn't!" Sirius contradicted. "It's not like it's your fault. You never did anything wrong to feel bad about. It was...well, _me _who went wrong," he smiled bashfully.

Lily smiled in return. "You got that right."

"But you're here talking to me..." he stretched with an air of interest.

"Yes I am."

"And not hating me--"

"That's right." Lily grinned and placed her arms around him in a friendly hug.

"--And you're hugging me," Sirius continued in the same curious tone.

Lily giggled and nodded against his shoulder. "Yes I am."

"May I ask why?" he questioned as he at last adjusted into the hug himself, placing his arms around her back.

"Because you're not the monster I thought you out to be, afterall," Lily murmured.

Sirius raised his eyebrows in innocent suprise. "Well, I suppose that's good."

Lily giggled yet again and pulled away. "Yes. It certainly is." Her voice took a turn to the quiet side. "I saw something in you, Sirius. Something...different. There's more to you than meets the eye."

Sirius's face went solemn. He seemed to be processing the words in his mind.

"Heh...wow," he chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "That's gotta be the first time anyone's told me_ that_."

Lily's face remained thoughtful, despite Sirius's meager attempts at assuaging the tense atmosphere. "Your right eyebrow twitches when you're nervous," she said with a small smirk.

"No one's ever told me that either," he said in a startlingly quiet voice.

Lily shrugged unimportantly, her shadow of a smile lingering yet. "Maybe no one has stopped long enough to notice."

Sirius was peerly intently at her now, almost with perplexity. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Make me feel like the world stopped turning just so you could say that one thing to me."

"Well you never know. I _am_ a witch you know," she said, smiling teasingly.

"Good point," Sirius grinned. "One word of advice, however--"

"Hm?"

"--Be careful with the spells you cast."

And their eyes met.

* * *

On the walk to dinner that evening, James stealthily slipped a crumpled piece of parchment into Lily's hand, indicating with his expression that it was best left unnoticed by the others. 

Once out of sight by her friends, Lily uncrinkled the note and read it to herself.

_astronomy tower - 11pm_

Quite the little novelist, James was.

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. Why would James possibly want to meet with her? And why was he going through so much trouble to keep it secret?

Well, no matter, she thought. If he doesn't want it getting out, then it won't.

Accordingly, at 10:45 that night, Lily fed her curious friends a lie saying she had a sore throat and needed a quick fix-up from Madam Pomfrey. Despite their fret and worry, Lily escaped their clutches easily enough and wound her way to the Astronomy Tower she knew and loved so well.

She found James already there, hands in pockets, and head tilted backwards to look up at the charcoal sky.

"Knock, knock," Lily said, announcing her arrival.

James turned himself around. "Who's there?" he replied in classic joke fashion.

Lily chuckled. "Very funny."

"And we aren't even to the end of the joke yet," he grinned.

"ANYway... so what's this all about? This secret meeting? I sincerely hope it isn't to discuss pressing matters such as to why the chicken crossed the road."

"I'm pleased to say that there_is_ indeed a reason behind this madness," James assured. "...And the chicken didn't cross the road. It was all a set- up. But you didn't hear it from me," he added in a secret agent manner.

Lily smiled crookedly and pretended to "zip" her lips closed.

"So what's this about, already?"

"Well..." James searched for a diversion from his explanation. "I thought you'd like to look at the stars with me."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "You slip me a secret note to get me to lie to my friends and sneak up here late at night so we could look at the _stars_ together?"

James bit his lip. "...Yes?"

Lily's face glided into a smile. "That is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me."

James's shoulders relaxed as he exhaled. "Good. For a second there, I thought you might slap me."

"Of course not. ...Though I may have attempted it solely for the romantic gesture of it all," she smiled wickedly.

"_Romantic gesture_?" James asked dubiously. "And exactly which part of a slap is considered romantic?"

"The old-fashionedness of it all! Plus, the fact that the lady rarely means it. If she did, she'd go in for a punch, not a slap."

"And just how many men have you slapped in your day, Miss Lily?" James was clearly playing along.

"None, yet," she sighed. "But I have my hopes."

James laughed at her dramatic manner. Lily, rather than be indignant, smiled along with him. She often did when his face lit up so. She couldn't help it.

They sat down on the hard floor and turned their focus to the ever twinkling heavens. Lily continued to smile mistily as she felt the calm magic of the stars engulf her. She closed her eyes as the whisper of a breeze waltzed past.

All the while, James watched her -- entranced. The only thing that truly mattered in the world at that particular moment in time was not plans for his future, or when the next full moon was -- it was the way Lily's auburn hair swept ever so lightly over her flower petal cheeks...

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Hu-- what?" James spluttered.

"The stars," Lily clarified. "They're so lovely."

"Yes, er, yes they are."

"Something the matter?" she asked with concern.

"No! Of course not," he replied all too unconvincingly.

Lily cocked her head. "What's on your mind?"

James paused a moment before answering.

"...You."

Lily fluttered her eyelids in astonishment. She seemed to be searching the ground for a point of stability. "Bu-- no...you can't--"

She clambered to stand up quickly, James following fast.

"Lily, wait, please don't go--"

He grabbed her by the hands and tried to make eye contact, but it seemed that Lily was yearning desperately for just the opposite.

"Lily..." he pleaded in a still voice.

Lily closed her eyes briefly before looking up into his face. The face that met her was nothing less than torn.

"I can't pretend anymore, Lily. I can't just wish this feeling away--"

"James I know what you're going to say," she said in one breath, her eyes downcast. She could feel his grip on her hands tighten. "And..." she flicked her eyes up to meet his. "Please don't."

The grip relaxed abruptly. James's mouth made to speak, but Lily continued before his words could be formed.

"Please!" she begged. "I just...right now...I_ need_ you, James--"

"Exactly!" he broke in, passion dancing in his eyes. "I need you, too, Lily- -"

"No! ...No. I mean... I need a friend. Just...a friend. I can't-- ...not right now...not again..." she trailed off, a frightened stare penetrating from her eyes.

She began mindlessly fiddling with James's collar, making sure it was all flipped out in the same direction - perhaps to distract herself from the unwelcome feelings clawing their way back to her heart. James lightly took hold of her shaky hands and held them dearly in front of him.

"I'll be whatever you want me to be," he whispered.

Lily's lips attempted a smile. "Then just be James Potter."

* * *

Ah, so Samantha didn't fall off the face of the earth, nor is she merely a prop used at convenient intervals in the story. She's part of a PLOTLINE! Woo! Crazy times, yo.

Also - I know you're all eager beavers when it comes to Lily and James getting together, but...er...don't you think it adds more dramatic possibility to hold off on that? scrunches up face in dim hope that the readers will buy that excuse I mean, we all know where this is going to end up, so why not enjoy the journey there by shaking it up in the romance department?

And that's all I'm going to say.

-hands bribery cookies to readers-


	13. Among Secretive Business

Yeah, I know, once again I take forever and a half to update. My apologies. 

I see my bribery cookies did the trick. Mwa ha. I'll store that away for future reference.

And, as usual, THANK YOU ENDLESSLY for the reviews. They make me want to dance. -dances with joy-

* * *

**"Among Secretive Business"**

* * *

And so the days slipped on by. December continued through to January, which eventually gave way to February. The grounds of Hogwarts were white and pristine as ever, the frost of winter still presiding over all. Relations among the eight friends were wonderful. The girls had taken to mingling with the four boys so constantly that they were often included in any reference to "the Marauders". 

Lily, especially, had taken to occupying the company of Sirius and James quite frequently, even more often than when romantic feelings had been involved. Though Lily could never be exactly sure what either boy was thinking, or feeling rather, she knew that she, herself, considered each of them almost like a brother. She found herself completely at ease when around them, despite the rocky events of the past. There was just something about their smiles -- a warm underlying of understanding and affection. Then there was the fact that Lily never escaped a good laugh when in the room with them. Amusement was just plain inevitable.

Though the amiable atmosphere was slightly thrown off by mysterious disappearances on the boys' part. Most obviously was Remus, who was absent several days in a row each month, it seemed. The girls had noticed this even in previous years, but had never given it thought until now. It was just too _scheduled_ to be normal. The most upsetting aspect was the fact that he always came back looking terribly worn, try as he might to hide it. This especially irked Marilyn, who could not stand being away from him for as much time as it took to go to the bathroom, let alone having him vanish for _days_ without so much as a reasonable excuse. The best Remus could ever offer was, "Family emergency." As expected, this vagueness did not do much to appease her, or anyone else's, apprehensions.

Next was the matter of James. His scarcity was not as conspicuous, but it was definitely noticed. Every so often after dinner he would slip out of the group's reach and wander off to who-knows-where. When questioned about his whereabouts, he supplied a lame, "I had something to do," then veer the subject to something - anything - else.

Similarly, Peter seemed to have found something to occupy his time away from the Gryffindor common room, and away from his friends. He had been sighted talking with some shady Slytherin students, which was surprising considering his tendency to shy away from people of intimidating character unless he had the protection of a higher power (i.e. Sirius and James).

Sirius was perhaps the only one not taking sketchy visits to nowhere, and for that Lily was grateful. She hated feeling so detached from the other boys because of their secrecy. What could they possibly be doing that was so urgent to cover up? And was it all related? Were they disappearing for a common purpose? Or did each boy harbor a secret known only to themselves?

Lily shared these same unsettling suspicions with the other girls, but not even with their combined intelligence could they put together a reasonable explanation to ease their minds. They would simply have to live with the fact that the Marauders were one devious group of guys.

* * *

Lily, Sirius, and Cherise were on the floor crowded around a coffee table in the common room, attempting, and mostly failing, to complete a bit of homework in their free time after dinner. Remus and Marilyn, also in the common room, were...er..._busy_ in the corner. Cough. 

"You know that's disgusting, don't you?" Lily informed Sirius as he was munching on stray, stale pastry crumbs found in his pocket.

"To you, maybe," he shrugged as he continued ferreting around for more. "To me - it's a lucky star shining down."

Lily and Cherise exchanged looks, then decided to pull a 'smile and nod' and move on.

"Okay," Lily sighed as she moved back into down-to-work mode. "So what's the second step to this boulder transfiguration thing?"

"Erm...it'll probably say in the book," Cherise suggested and slid the massive book over to her.

Lily raised her eyebrows at the unfriendly looking thing.

"Here Lil, just copy mine," Sirius said casually as he tossed her his scribble-covered parchment. Lily gawked at the impressively filled paper, then turned her head to direct the stun towards Sirius, who was licking his crumby fingers. Cherise snatched the paper to take a look herself, her eyes widening as she did so.

"Sirius...this essay is amazing. How did you--?" she narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

Sirius shrugged. "I, uh, wrote it?"

"A two-foot essay on transfigurations of boulders in the 15 minutes we've been sitting here?" Lily asked with disbelief.

Sirius clearly did not share the feeling of amazement. "Yes?"

Lily paused. "...Okay," she stated, resigning to the fact that it didn't make sense. "Gimme that." She snatched it back from Cherise and promptly began using it to her advantage.

A while later, James entered through the portrait hole. He plopped down on an armchair near to where the group was working (or, rather, debating who took the most time to prepare in the morning - so far, Sirius was winning) and let out a distinctly satisfied sigh. This caught some attention.

"And to what do we owe this show of content, mm?" Cherise asked.

James smirked to himself and shook his head. "Nothing, nothing..."

"Nothing, my boot, Prongs," Sirius joined. "You have the definite look of a guy that just got some."

"Sirius!" Lily shrieked, smacking him on the arm.

"What?" he defended. "Am I not right?" He looked around for support, of which he got several glares in return.

"For your information, Black," James started. "I went down to the kitchens for a while, that's all."

"Right after dinner?" Cherise questioned.

"And walking off in the opposite direction from them when you left us?" Sirius added.

"...Ye--"

"Liar," Sirius interrupted firmly.

James looked incredulous. "Your trust is overwhelming, really," he said sardonically.

"So are your lying skills," Sirius smiled. "So come on, talk. Who's this new bedfellow of yours?"

"Oh, God, shove it, Padfoot," he said, laughing in spite of himself.

"You have the most randy mind, Sirius, really," Lily reprimanded.

"Hey, I can't help it. With animal magnetism like mine, it's all I can do to face the inevitable."

"Such modesty," Cherise cooed.

"Yet another one of my endless endearing qualities," he grinned.

"Where's Remus?" James asked randomly.

"With the girl. Where else?" Sirius answered.

James leaned forward a bit to get a better view of the window. He turned his head to give Sirius a quizzical look.

"Next week," Sirius muttered.

James nodded quickly.

Lily and Cherise didn't even try to understand. They knew better.

"So! Who's completely sick of doing homework?" Sirius asked happily, immediately grabbing Lily and Cherise's wrists and raising their hands in the air. "Good, good! Me too. Let's get to some Exploding Snap."

* * *

On the end of the stick regarding Samantha - relations had been rather quiet. Conversation was limited, if offered at all, as both she and Lily were still too obviously embarrassed by what had been said that one day. As far as they both were concerned, it would have been all too convenient to just let the subject slip away into nothingness, never to be thought of, let alone discussed, again. Yet deep down, neither of them truly wished for that. The words continued to hang in the air, hovering somewhere just out of reach, the risk of personal danger present if one grasped beyond the mutual understanding of staying quiet. 

Personally, Lily could not stand it. Every glimpse of the blonde haired beauty was like lacing just one more notch tighter on a corset - it knawed at her stomach. What if Samantha's plea was true? What if...what if Lily really had stolen away the one happiness in her life? Or were her words simply a lie? Another venomous strike at Lily's victory? But, no, Sirius had said...

Well, he hadn't really said anything, come to think of it. But he had mentioned that something was wrong. That had to count for something. And whatever that something was, Lily intended on finding it out.

* * *

Ah, Valentine's Day. Visions of pink and red blind the senses, letters of adoration zip through the air by way of chubby little cupids, and in the end not a hand is left without its respective partner to warm it. Generally, this brought coos from the female population -- gritted teeth from the males. Thankfully, the men participated in all the ridiculous rituals regardless of their distaste for it all, for they were all very much aware of the consequences if they did not cooperate. Remember John and Margaret back in '65 (A/N: Psht, I don't know the dates...L/J were in school in 70s right? Let's just pretend...)? Ooh, that wasn't pretty. A slap earned is a lesson learned -- remember that, boys. 

The Marauders and etcetera weaved their way through the castle l'amour early that morning, reaching the festooned Great Hall just as the mail was arriving. As soon as Lily sat down, a batch of mail dropped in front of her - included two roses tied together with twine.

"Ooh! Lily!" Scarlett squealed. "You got it _again_!"

"He never misses a year," Lily smiled slyly, picking up the roses and inspecting them thoughtfully. She twisted around the small attached card and read it.

'_ Lillian,_

_A woman so loving and soft to the touch;_

_A smile that is tender and a pleasure to watch._

_She lay in a garden amongst fragrant field flowers'_

_I spy from afar her beauty for hours..._

_Yours, Tyler '_

Lily smiled fancifully to herself. Every year since third year she had received this same token of adoration - one white rose, one lavender one, tied together with twine - from "Tyler" on Valentine's Day. Only problem was... she had no idea who "Tyler" was. There was not a single one she had come across in all her years at Hogwarts - and she had looked, you can bet on that.

"That is so sweet," Cherise cooed. "If only we knew who he was."

"I dunno, maybe it's better this way..." Lily shrugged.

"What? Why?" Scarlett questioned.

"Well, what if this Tyler guy is a complete wanker or something? I mean, just because he's sweet enough to send roses to me, that doesn't say anything about the person he really is. Maybe it's better to leave it a romantic mystery."

Scarlett raised her eyebrows. "That's the stupidest reasoning I have ever heard."

Lily laughed. "Well it works for me."

"Is that really the reason, Lils?" Cherise asked keenly. "Or is it because you don't want this guy interfering with your pursuit of another certain person?"

"What's that supposed to me?"

"Oh, I think you know." She looked over at Scarlett and they shared secretive smiles.

"Oy James, what d'you got there?" Lily heard Sirius ask. She turned to find James reading a pink card, a small smile on the corner of his lips. He closed it immediately upon hearing Sirius's holler.

"A card," he answered.

"Whoa, never would've guessed that. Thanks, bud," Sirius replied sardonically. "But now that we've gotten that out of the way - who's it from?"

"How should I know?" James answered a little too quickly.

"Hmm, maybe by the signature?"

"It doesn't have one."

"Oh, doesn't it?" he said before snatching the card from under James's nose. He turned around on the bench and began reading it out loud, all the while James was flailing at him to try and get it back.

"Dear James --_ouch! James, geroff me_-- your raven hair, your hazel stare, send my heartbeat fly--_oof!--_ing. Your smiling face, your warm embrace--ooh la la, Potter-- stifle all my crying. All my wishes have come true, to have a valentine like you--awww, ain't that sweet?--Fondly, _Catherine_."

Finally, James snatched the card back, but it was too late. Sirius grinned wildly at him, reveling in the opportunity to tease his best mate about a girl. James stuffed the card at the bottom his pile and scowled at the flippant Sirius.

"So, hunny, who's this Catherine and _why_ haven't we met the blushing bride yet?"

"She's a girl," James answered dully.

"Mmmmhmmm," Sirius purred as he leaned forward with interest.

"Oh lay off, Padfoot," Remus joined in. "So he has an admirer? Big deal. Look at _your_ pile of love letters."

"Yeah, what's the big deal?" James followed Remus's defense.

"The big deal is this Catherine is not merely an admirer. If she was, why would Jamesy get so catty about it, hm? Plus there's the matter of the lines 'all my wishes_have_ come true to_have_ a valentine like you' -- meaning either this woman randomly fancies herself your valentine _or_ it's a mutual deal. I pick the latter," Sirius explained smoothly.

"You've thought this all through in the last minute?" Remus asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey, this is my _area_," Sirius justified.

"Just forget about it, okay?" James pleaded. His eyes went to Lily's where they met for less than an instant, for they both looked away as immediately as possible -- neither wanting to face what the other might be thinking.

* * *

Once again, Lily and Sirius found themselves stranded in the common room while the rest of their friends went out and about to...wherever they were out-and-abouting to. Their company was limited as it seemed the rest of Gryffindor had Valentine's Day plans as well. This left the couple to their own devices -- consisting of Sirius laying on the couch reading through the Valentines he had received throughout the day, his feet resting upon Lily's lap, who was seated at the other end inspecting her nails for lack of anything better to do. 

"Sirius, you are aware that your feet are on top of me, correct?" she asked without taking her eyes off her hands.

"Yep."

"Will you remove them?"

"Nope."

"Do I have to remove them for you?"

"Yep."

With a roll of her eyes, she grabbed her wand and muttered, "Rictusempra." Sirius immediately jumped up, hooting and hollering. Lily laughed at this spectacle, finally bringing him relief from the tickling after his pathetic moan of, "Liiiillllyyyyyy!"

Once relieved of his burden, Sirius plopped back down onto the couch with a sigh. "You're such a little cow, Evans."

Lily smiled smugly in return.

"So!" she started, dropping her hands to her lap heavily, no longer interested in examining them. "Why ever is _the_ Sirius Black sitting here, with only _me_, on the most romantic evening of the year, when you have crowds of screaming fans willing to cut off their right arm to be in your company?"

Sirius shrugged. "A'dunno."

Lily arched an eyebrow. "A well thought out answer, I'm sure."

"Why do you ask? Did _you_ want to go out with me?" he asked, a familiar narcissistic glow to his eyes.

"Not particularly," Lily replied casually. "I was just wondering why you aren't out with any of _them_." She pointed to the spew of letters and assorted shows of affection covering the floor.

Sirius shrugged once again. "Cuz I'd rather sit here with you discussing why I'm not out there, than actually be out there." He paused a moment as if to think. He propped his feet back on her lap. "Plus you make a bloody good footrest."

"Well don't _I_ feel used," she smirked.

"You should, doll."

"So what d'you suppose the others are up to?"

Sirius pondered a second. "Weeelll...Remus and Marilyn are snogging in a dark corner, Scarlett and Cherise are using their dates' money to buy out Hogsmeade, James is fighting the undead, and Peter is being eaten up by the undead."

"Sounds good to me," Lily responded. Then with a laugh, she said, "Get your feet off me, you prat."

After shoving his feet off, she scooched over and leaned up against his side comfortably.

"And what exactly are you doing?" Sirius inquired.

"If I could be your footrest, then you can be my backrest," she explained as she shifted around to find the perfect position.

"What's wrong with the back of the couch?"

"Nothing. It's the principle of the matter. Besides, you're quite cozy," she grinned.

"Glad to be of service," he grinned back.

After a moment of silence, Sirius asked, "Why do you always wear that ring?"

Surprised by the randomness, Lily simply answered, "Huh?"

"The ring on your right hand."

"Oh! This one," she said, lifting her right hand to look at it. "It was a present...from my father. He gave it to me when I was 11, right after I discovered I was a witch. All of my family are muggles, so of course it came as a shock. And so the day before I went off to Hogwarts, he gave it to me...and...I suppose it was the one thing that helped me through the first couple of months. I was so scared coming here...I didn't know anything about being a witch or..or if anyone liked me...so...I just never took it off. It was my one comfort."

She slowly twisted it around her finger mindlessly, memories flooding her mind. She turned her head to steal a glance at Sirius, half-expecting to see a satirical grin on his face. What she found was downcast eyes and a contemplative expression.

"It...has an engraving on it, too," she added softly. "_'My love is with you always -- Your father_," she echoed in a silken voice, like a soft memory put into spoken word.

Sirius put forth a forced smile. "That's really nice..."

Lily's eyes scanned his face, searching for an answer to his sudden melancholy. "You...never really told me about your family. What're they like?" she asked softly, hoping this would swerve into a friendly conversation.

It didn't.

"I don't have a family," Sirius answered like stone, his face drastically darkened.

Lily was taken aback. "Oh... I'm so sor--"

"Don't be."

"No, really, I--"

"Lily, stop. It's fine. I live with the Potters. It's fine."

Only it wasn't. And never would be.

* * *

There you have it. Nothing too, too special, eh? But plenty of new roads have opened up. Wherever do they lead? Only one way to find out, grasshoppers. ...BECOME PSYCHIC! Ha! Okay, j/k, I meant to say stay tuned. Hee.

Btw, I planned to put this in there but couldn't find the opportunity, so instead I'll just take the lame escape and tell you here: The tutoring thing was only for first term ... which has ended. Cough.

Hope you enjoyed! See ya on the flip side, dahlings


	14. Bittersweet Surrender

Ahoy Ahoy. 

As ever, your reviews and patience mean the world to me - so KiSsEs to y'all.

* * *

**"Bittersweet Surrender"**

* * *

"Two flicks of the wrist should do it," Professor McGonagall continued in her stately teacher voice. "Remember to enunciate clearly and DO NOT -- I repeat -- DO NOT aim the spell at any other object, specifically a _classmate_. Contrary to Mr. Black's belief -- it is _not_ funny." 

She threw a weary glance to the corner where Sirius sat, hands folded on his desk, face dripping with wide-eyed innocence. Next to him James was slumped down with his hand covering his mouth, his body convulsing with contained laughter.

McGonagall rolled her eyes and waved her arms in defeat. "Just don't blow anything up," she sighed then retreated to the haven of her desk.

"So James," Sirius began after promptly transforming the frog on his desk into a glittering gold crown. "How's Catherine?"

"She's-- what?" James snapped his head around.

"Catherine," Sirius repeated informally.

"Wha-- no, I-- well... I don't know what you're talking about," he finished in a rush.

Sirius sighed at the hopelessness of his friend. "You never were good at lying, mate."

James scowled and turned his attention to the slimy amphibian trying to escape the confines of the desk. "Regalis basium," he muttered, causing a sparkling tiara to take the frog's place.

"Aww, look," Sirius cooed. "Yours was a girl! SPEAKING of which..."

"Sirius--"

"James, why are you so intent on keeping this girl a secret? If you have a lady friend - speak up! We're not eight, you know. We won't kick you out of our club for fancying an icky girl."

"I know..." he said as he mindlessly fingered the tiara.

"Soo...?" Sirius prodded further.

"It's complicated."

"How so? You knock her up or somethin'?"

James snorted. "Don't drag me down to your gutter, mate."

"Well what then? Out with it, Prongs!"

"I told you, it's complicated," he muttered with a wary look around the classroom, as if an unwanted someone might be listening in.

"Ah, fine," Sirius conceded. He leaned in and added in a low voice, "But you know I'll find out one way or another."

* * *

"See, there! It looks a bit more goldish, doesn't it?" Lily asked Cherise eagerly. 

Cherise looked at the docile frog skeptically. "Um... actually dear, I'd say it looks less gold than when you first got it."

Lily threw down her wand in frustration. "That's it! I can't do this blasted spell! Whatever happened to good old fashioned kissing the frog, anyway?"

"Listen to what you're saying, Lily. Would you actually do that?"

Lily looked down at the slimy lump of green and brown in front of her. She pulled a face. "Good point. But still! Ugh. This class has it in for me. How am I supposed to become Head Girl if I fail Transfiguration?" she wailed, dropping her head down on her desk climatically.

"Whoa, watch the dramatics, hun. You won't fail this class because of one faulty spell--"

"How about one a _day_?" Lily shot back.

"That's not--" Cherise began, but paused as if to reconsider. "Okay, so this isn't your strongest area. That doesn't matter!"

"Oh, doesn't it? Head students need to excel at every subject. That includes Transfiguration."

"Really, you don't need to worry. I'm sure you'll improve by the time final exams get here. You'll just need to add a little extra effort, is all," Cherise said in the most encouraging voice she could muster.

Lily slumped back in her seat and blew the hair out of her face. "Whatever you say, Rise."

* * *

The swirling fumes from the several fireplaces hung heavily in the air of the little attic. From this alone, Lily found reason to dread Divination class. Then there was the matter of the melodramatics played out by the professor added with the absurdity of the so-called "foreseeing". What the hell was she supposed to "foresee" in a glass ball filled with smoke? Plenty, according to Professor Lalique - who was nothing more than a superstitious, shriveled old woman in Lily's opinion. 

Every class, Professor Lalique would moon over the lump of tea leaves in Lily's cup or the lines on her palm, explaining excitedly how the signs all held the distinction of motherhood. A revelation that never failed to cause a roll of Lily's eyes.

Motherhood? Woo-hoo. As if that didn't happen to practically every other female on the planet.

After deciphering the whole motherhood surprise, the professor would proceed to looking for further details, to which, upon discovery, would lead her eyes to go all wide and watery, and she would glance quickly at Lily's - bored - face, clasp her hand over her mouth, and hurry away in dramatic despair.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

On this particular day after the professor's theatrics were through, Lily, James, Cherise, and Marilyn sat drowsily at their table near the back trying their best to keep their eyelids open. The perfumed atmosphere worked splendidly as a lullaby, they had come to discover. Sirius and Remus opted for Ancient Runes instead - the reason undoubtedly being the attractive, young Professor Nancy Mills. Scarlett, also choosing Ancient Runes over stuffy attics, simply held an interest in the subject.

"If there's caffeine in this tea, it sure ain't working," Marilyn slurred from where her head was lying on her arm on the table, the other arm busy with mindlessly swirling around the damp tea leaves in her cup.

"I dunno about the caffeine, but I'm wondering if she drugs this stuff or something," James said lazily.

"What a perfect waste of an hour," Cherise grumbled. "We _could_ be doing something productive rather than sitting here wallowing in miasma."

"D'you think this doughnut shape here means I'm going to get fat?" Lily wondered out loud as she stared absently into her cup.

"If you asked Lalique she'd probably say it stands for a tragic love affair that'll leave you depressed and hopeless," Cherise replied dully.

"And that relates to dougnuts, how...?" James inquired.

Cherise shrugged. "It doesn't. Exactly how Professor Lalique works her logic."

"I'd like to see what she thinks of a--" James began with a chuckle, but was interrupted by a hazily scratchy voice -- something reminiscent of a cat.

"Mr. Potter! Woe is the one who neglects his tea leaves."

James groaned inwardly as the wilted shadow loomed over his shoulder.

"Shall we take a glimpse into the realm of the yet-to-come, hm?" she suggested in what she obviously fancied a mystically enchanting voice.

James plastered the most obxiously fake smile he could muster onto his face and nodded. This seemed to please the professor.

"Let's just take a look..." she said delicately as she picked up the little ceramic cup and bore her haunting gaze into the bottom as if it went on for miles or more.

"Well now--"

Here came her misty prediction.

"Is this the double star I see? My boy! A sure herald of the hero! A rare formation, indeed..." She smiled fondly down at him with a matronly pride, as if his bright future were her own doing.

James scratched the back of his neck in awkwardness while the taunting eyes of Lily, Cherise, and Marilyn danced upon him.

"Ooh, the bravery and selflessness this cup speaks of... Great things will surely befall you!" she prophesized in a dramatic whisper, James mouthing the words along with her in mockery.

After a brief spell of what the professor imagined a climactic pause, she set down the cup, clasped her hands together excitedly, and continued to smile warmly at James.

"Why, thank you so much, professor. I feel so complete now," he answered cheerfully.

Professor Lalique reveled in a moment of self flattery. She giggled girlishly and waved the compliment (regardless how obviously sarcastic) away modestly. With that, she drifted away to go reveal someone else's life path.

James dropped his golden smile like a brick. "Could she _be_ any more drippy?"

"Hey, now. That's no way for a selfless hero to act, is it?" Lily teased.

"I'd watch it, mummy. Don't make me go stealing candy from your baby," James teased right back.

"Aha!" Marilyn squeaked. "That must be the tragedy Lalique forsees in Lily's life!"

"Oh James, you wicked man," Cherise played along.

"Guess the old bat read ma' leaves wrong. I was clearly born to be the villain," James grinned grandly.

"I suppose that means no baby for me then, if we're throwing Lalique's predictions out the window," Lily sighed melodramatically.

"Aww, but Lily! Babies are adorable!" Marilyn cooed. "Go have one anyway."

"Spiffing idea!" James chipped in. "And I can play with it and teach it all of life's necessary skills, like the rules to professional league Quidditch, and how to swerve out of a dive smoothly, and the perfect grip for holding onto a snitch, and--"

Lily chuckled. "James Potter, you are most certainly _not_ corrupting our-- I-I mean, MY...child..." she trailed off apprehensively.

The corner of James's mouth curled up in a sort of curious smile, while Cherise and Marilyn exchanged juicy glances.

"Wow, heh, look at the time, shouldn't class be over soon?" Lily asked in a miserable attempt at changing the subject. She felt her ears reddening from the eyes of the three upon her, while a single four-letter word nagged at her mind, blinding her thoughts.

...Oops.

* * *

One final adjustment to his tie and James closed the door to his dormitory behind him, starting down the stairs to head for breakfast. Once he neared the bottom, he noticed a little red head sitting on the girls staircase across the way. 

"Come on you bloody thing..." he heard her mumble in frustration. She seemed to be fiddling with something or another in her hand. James shook his head and chuckled to himself at the inevitable cuteness that her vexation caused.

"Cozy little nook you've found here, Evans," he greeted.

Lily glanced up then immediately dropped her focus back the the object in her hand. "Hullo James," she muttered.

James sat himself next to her on the stair. "Why thank you. Your presence enthralls my spirit as well."

Lily threw him a "ha - ha" smile. "I'll remember to drop to my knees and kiss your feet next time you enter the room, m'lord."

"Oh, but it's not my feet that need the kissing," he smiled wyly.

"Aren't we presumtuous this morning?"

"I do try," he grinned. "Anyway, what's that you're fighting a losing battle with, eh?"

Lily looked down at her hand. "Oh, it's a necklace that refuses to cooperate. The clasp broke as I was trying to put it on, and now it _won't - go - back - together_," she said through gritted teeth, once again attempting to overcome the little bugger.

"Here, lemme have a go at it," James offered.

Lily raised her eyebrows in skepticism. "You? Fix a necklace? I'm sorry, but that just doesn't strike me as something you would excel at."

"People can surprise you, Evans."

He took the slinky gold chain from her palm and commenced tinkering. Lily watched him closely, not sure whether it was hope for the mending of her necklace or the curiosity of James being able to do it being the main reason for her focus. Though it wasn't exactly his hands that she watched intently... She just couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from his face. The way his eyebrows furrowed just slightly...the way his straight, pearly teeth were revealed as he bit his lip...the way he seemed so completely consumed in this petty job of fixing a piece of jewelry...

"There you go."

Lily gave a barely noticeable start as the face she had been lost in suddenly looked back.

"Should be good as new," he explained.

Lily smiled gratefully and let out a breath she hadn't been aware of holding in.

"Um, do you think you could...?" she asked as she lifted her hair off her shoulders and turned a bit so her back was towards him.

"Oh...yeah, yeah sure."

James lifted the chain over her head and down to her neck, bringing the two ends together. He leaned forward somewhat to get a better look at the tiny clasps. As he was doing this, Lily involuntarily closed her eyes, all thought surrendering to the consuming warmth from the very tips of James's fingertips. What might normally be ticklish, instead felt like a breath of June breeze. She took a deep breath, hoping fictitously that she might catch some of the serene loveliness in the air.

James couldn't stop himself from abruptly biting his lip as the shoulders beneath his hands rose and fell slowly. He swallowed hard and demanded himself to concentrate on the task at hand. Somehow he kept losing focus. The intoxicating scent of the auburn hair before him drenched him in light- headedness.

For a timeless time, the two unknowingly melted into the other's very presence. James's hands lingered at the nape of Lily's neck beyond the point of applying her necklace, to simply drinking in the feeling of disorienting closeness.

Finally, Lily lowered her hair to allow it to fall over her shoulders once more. James slid his hands off her skin slowly, savoring the touch as long as possible.

"...Perfect," James said with a sigh as he looked over his handiwork -- or shall we say - Lily.

Lily smiled. She motioned down towards the common room. "Breakfast?"

"Read my mind."

* * *

Having nothing better to do, Lily decided to indulge her laziness by changing into her pajamas a few hours early and devouring some shallow teen magazines on her comfy four-poster. Cherise found the idea similarly appealing, thus mirrored her moves. 

"So Lils," Cherise spoke over the crinkle of the turning page. "When are you getting together with James?"

Lily slapped the magazine to her lap and turned to look at her obviously misguided friend. "Excuse me?"

"Oh you heard me," Cherise answered with a knowing smile, her eyes only briefly leaving the page to dance over Lily's shocked face.

"Look, Rise, if this is about what happened in Divination that one day--"

Cherise put down her magazine as well and sat up to face Lily's bed. "It's more than that."

"--it was a slip of the tongue!"

"And you carried it off so well," she replied teasingly.

"I was flustered!"

"If you didn't like him, you wouldn't have overreated the way you did, which just shows--"

"--that I don't want anyone making the mistake that I _do_ feel that way!"

Cherise took on a patient voice and went in for the reasoning. "On the contrary - see, you'd only care about people thinking you like him, if you do like him. If you didn't, you wouldn't care one second about what anyone thinks because you know it's not true. Simple second year logic, Lil, I'm surprised you aren't reciting it along with me."

Lily sulked at the annoying amount of sense her friend was making.

"So now we know how you feel about him--"

"--do not."

"Do too," Cherise reiterated quickly then continued. "And it's obvious he fancies you just the same, soo... what's the problem?"

"Problem?"

"Yeah, as in -- why aren't you two off snogging in a closet somewhere right now?"

"Because--"

"Don't give me the 'I don't like him' excuse, Lil, please. You can do better than that."

"Look, it just isn't that simple--"

"Isn't it?" Cherise challenged with raised eyebrows.

"Yes! ...Er - no! Wait...what was the question?" Lily stumbled over her words.

Cherise shook her head in laughter. "You make things much more complicated than necessary, you know that, Lily?"

Oh did she ever.

* * *

Lily, ever a fan of beautiful nature, embarked on a precarious walk over the grounds under the warming Saturday sun, its rays seeming all the more jovial with the privilege of the weekend behind them. 

The snows of winter were finally melting away to reveal the green that had taken cover underneath. The air held the fresh scent signature to early spring, along with the residing chill insistent on clinging the frost of winter. Here or there a spot of color could be found on a lone flower. In a month, the countryside would be submersed with them.

Lily, no expected path in plan, traipsed along with the breath of the wind. She strolled past a rather large hut on the edge of the forest, catching the scent of what seemed like fudge...burnt fudge.

Ah, it must be that groundskeeper fellow, Hagrid. She had heard the boys mention him briefly in passing.

On she went from there, choosing her end in the unnecessary shade of a large oak. She sat on the cool dirt beneath its rustling leaves and leaned against the rough bark. She swirled her finger over a short blade of grass, tickling her vulnerable skin in a softly pleasant way.

She smiled to herself. For one reason or another, the sensation brought to mind the dizzying touch of James's fingers tracing her skin. Or, rather, the feeling of him helping her with her necklace. Same difference, right?

Though lasting only a brief spell, it held distinction in her mind and senses. She could still feel the whisper of his breath unintentionally caressing the back of her neck. Even the very thought sent tingles dancing through her body...

Wait, no. Ah dammit.

She silently cursed herself for getting caught up in a ridiculous nothing once more. And always with James! What's the deal? She'd decided long ago not to let her heart go out to him--

Didn't she? Or was it... just because of Sirius? Not that it even mattered. James was nothing more than a good friend.

...A good friend she had incidentally connected with her future son or daughter without thinking.

A good friend who haunted her thoughts a bit more than she preferred. A good friend whose smile made her blood run a bit warmer than usual, and whose stare set butterflies loose somewhere around her middle...

Oh no. No. Why did this always happen?

Cherise was right. ...Again.

* * *

"Remus!" Marilyn called from across the common room, catching sight of him just as the portrait hole was swinging open to allow him to leave. She trotted over to him and took his hand in her, smiling up at him. When he returned only a weary smirk, her brightness dimmed. 

"Remus?" she questioned with distinct concern. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah... yeah, of course," he answered distractedly.

Marilyn eyed him with doubt. She brought a hand to his cheek and laid it there softly. "You look so pale..."

"I'm fine, really," he pressed while gently removing her hand from his face.

Marilyn cast her eyes down.

"I've been feeling a bit... under the weather, is all," he assured. "Nothing Madame Pomfrey can't fix."

"Which she does every month..." Marilyn muttered somewhere under her breath.

"What was that?"

Marilyn shook her head to wave away the comment and offered a weak smile.

"So I'll, um, see you later?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yeah... later..." she replied meekly as he stepped through the portrait hole.

"Wait! Remus--" she said suddenly. He turned to look back at her.

Marilyn opened her mouth to speak, but reconsidered at the very last moment. She tried several more times to utter a sound, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, she gave a sigh of resignation. "...I hope you feel better," she covered with a smile to mask her sadness.

Remus smiled back and kissed his hand which then gave a small wave. The portrait shut with a verberating thud. Marilyn stared at it with an unyielding gaze.

She was scared.

* * *

Lily stood up and brushed the moist earth from her skirt. Her heart could not bear anymore of this heavy silence of the outdoors. Her inner voice was too much to handle in such conditions. 

Passing by the quidditch pitch on her way back to the castle, the corner of her eye spied a dark something up in the air. A person. On a broomstick. Even from as far away as Lily was, the unruly mess of black hair was still adorably obvious.

"James..." she whispered to the air before her, her voice holding an inevitable smile.

A palpable smile took form on her lips as she hugged herself for warmth, though in vain -- the delicious chill his presence gave her held complete control.

As she watched his perfect figure race through the cloudless blue, slice the crisp air with a dive, then turn around and repeat the show with flawless grace... the revolution of the earth was brought to a halting stop, dizzying the senses in a sickly wonderful way.

James went into a final dive near the opposite end of the pitch from Lily, bringing him safely to the ground, which he met with the slightest stumble. Lily giggled at his informal landing.

Her giggle, along with what seemed her heartbeat, stifled immediately. A figure Lily certainly hadn't noticed a moment ago had scurried over and now had its arms wrapped around James's neck. _Her_ arms, that is. Although James's arms were kept to himself, Lily found triumph in noticing, but it may have been because one arm was occupied with the broomstick.

An ill-inducing disorientation crept further and deeper into Lily's heart with each passing second of witnessing the cozy couple. NO! Not couple. Persons - cozy persons. Not even that, psht, they hardly looked comfortable in each other's presence. Nevermind the way the tramp - er, girl - was throwing her head back in obnoxiously jovial laughter while James wittered on about nonsense with a stupidly cute grin on his face. Nay, it did not even matter how the girl was now tilting her head to the side and twisting her ankle flirtaciously--

Lily gasped. The ankle twist. This girl was acting the helpless female! A purely coquettish move employed soley to play on the notion of the gallant hero men fancy themselves as.

This hussy just went a step too far.

* * *

Ankle twist dedicated to Miss Laurel Stargazer. ;) And snaps to Meha/Mona for providing the fodder for the "baby" scene. Too cute, really.

But anywho... lots of Lily and James squirreling around in this chapter. And -gasp!- Lily finally admitted to her ever so invisible feelings! Didn't see that coming a mile off, eh? But ya ya, hope you liked. I certainly enjoyed the writing of it.


	15. Mixed Signals

Ahem. K, so I know this update only took me several years to produce, and I'm ever so sorry. I hate keeping you all waiting, but this past month or so has not been the best for me. Plus, my computer walked a shaky path to its final minute, whereas it now is with the dogs in heaven. -takes a moment of silence- That left me hanging as to how I would get my nearly finished chapter back, but LUCKILY I was able to get the computer up long enough to send all important writings to my dad's computer. 

Anywho! I promise I won't just ditch this fanfic, so don't fret over me leaving you if my update doesn't come as quickly as anticipated.

I truly appreciate your patience. Keep it coming. ; )

* * *

**"Mixed Signals"**

* * *

"Someone die?" Cherise asked with a cocked eyebrow, gazing curiously at Lily woebegotten face. 

Lily looked up abruptly, seemingly startled that she was being addressed. "What? Oh...no...it's nothing," she answered in a daze.

Cherise knew otherwise. She closed the trunk that she had previously been shuffling through in quest for a certain scarf, and set herself on the bed where Lily was sitting, clutching a pillow protectively.

"Come on, tell Aunt Rise-y your troubles. She'll understand."

"There's nothing to tell, really," she said with the same dazed tone -- not a good defense on her part.

Cherise simply held her stare.

"It's...that time of month, that's all," Lily insisted, leaning over and grabbing a half-eaten chocolate bar from her nightstand and presenting it to Cherise eagerly. "See?"

"Oh, you wish," she brushed the 'evidence' aside. "Out with it, Lils."

Lily sighed and hugged her pillow closer. She sat contemplative for a second, then looked back up at her friend. She took a deep breath and, "HaveyounoticedJameshangingoutwithagirllately?"

Her eyes searched Cherise's face frantically. What they discovered was a chain of reactions, ranging somewhere from confusion to surprise to thoughtfulness and finally resting on a sort of satisfaction.

"So _that's _what's got you down. Jealousy," Cherise concluded.

"No, I--" Lily began her instinctive defense, but fell short. She seemed to rethink her stance. "...Is that what it is? I'm jealous?" she asked pitifully.

"Naturally, Lil. The guy you're so used to have hanging off your apron strings has found a new object of adoration. It's all you can do to want him back."

Lily slumped her head forward to rest her chin on the pillow and sighed. "But I more than want him back..." she bemoaned in a low mumble.

"What was that?" Cherise asked, knowing very well what she heard.

"Oh Cherise how could I have been so _daft_?" Lily lamented as she threw her entire face into the pillow. "I'm completely and irreversibly taken with James Potter."

Cherise smiled to herself and rubbed Lily's back in a consoling manner. "It's not all as bad as you make it out to seem, Lil--"

"Hey, what's the matter with Lily?" Scarlett entered the dorm from the bathroom, haphazardly drying her hair with a towel.

"Realization of her obsession with Potter," Cherise explained simply.

Lily's head snapped up. "I'll thank you not to generalize it such."

"Oh, is that all? Took you long enough, Lil," Scarlett commented casually as she continued ruffling the towel over her head.

Lily's jaw fell with utter disbelief. She looked back at Cherise, holder of an obnoxiously smarmy, I-told-you-so smile, then again at Scarlett. "Well then is there anything _else_ about my innermost feelings that you'd like to enlighten me with?"

Scarlett feigned contemplation. "No, I think that's all for now. But once you meet Catherine, I thi--"

She stopped instantly upon catching Cherise's urgent stare. Lily's attentions were aroused.

"What? Catherine? Who's that?"

Scarlett continued staring intently at Cherise, who was staring just as raptly back. It was as if they were communicating a serious message subliminally. Lily was ruffled. It was just plain irritating when people did that.

"_Well_?" she insisted.

Cherise looked cautiously back at Lily. "You know how you were talking about James hanging around a _girl_ lately...?"

It took somewhere under one second for Lily to make the connection. "The quidditch tramp!" she gasped in indignation.

Cherise and Scarlett traded blank stares. Lily simply continued in a fit of senseless whining.

"I can't _believe_ this! Why would he ever go for a girl like that anyway? He's better than that. Or maybe I never even saw the real him--omigosh, I feel so lied to. I thought he cared abou-- no, he did. He DOES. He can't like her...she's just a floozy. I swear I'll throw eggs at their wedding, so help me Go--"

"Lily!" Scarlett and Cherise screamed in unison.

Lily looked up, her eyes big and vulnerable. In a whisper, she said, "You don't think they'll get married, do you?"

"For the love of merlin, listen to yourself!" Cherise squawked. "Frittering over floozies and marriage, and all because James is friends with a girl?"

Lily pouted like a child. "Maybe."

"I must say, Lil," Scarlett began. "For only recently realizing your feelings for the guy, you're being rather possessive."

Lily dropped her eyes. How awful it was when people pointed out the otherwise avoidable truth.

"Look, Lily," Scarlett sat down opposite Cherise, "it's obvious you're head-over-heels here--"

"--At the worst possible time, mind you!" Lily blurted.

"Yes, yes," Scarlett waved the obstacle away. "But anywho, so I was thinking I would see if I could pull some strings to help the situation along--"

Cherise looked as if to rebut the idea, but Scarlett merely nodded in a reassuring, don't-worry-I've-got-it-covered manner as she continued.

"--You know, do the whole friend-through-a-friend deal. It always works."

Lily bit her lip as she processed this information. Cherise was more easily skeptical.

"Always works? Maybe in your romance novels--"

"Exactly. Always works. And _you_, my dear Cherise, are going to help me." Scarlett grinned masterfully.

Lily's face brightened slowly as she made up her mind on the idea. "Oh, could you?" she asked hopefully.

"He's as good as yours, Lil," Scarlett said with her resolute smile.

Cherise only sighed.

* * *

"Don't forget about your report on muggle medical procedures!" Professor Hilton announced just after the bell for the end of class rang. "Okay, you're free to go. Have a nice lunch, everyone." 

Just as Lily was rising to leave, she noticed the professor gesturing for her to come over. Obligingly, she scooped up her books and meandered over to the teacher's desk while the other students made prompt exits.

Making, by far, the most elaborate exit were James and Sirius. In true eight year old spirit, the two were using their wands as swords, battling their way across the classroom to the doorway. With a jubilant "Hwa!" James managed to jab his wand under Sirius's arm -- the universally designated fake kill spot.

Cross-eyed and choking, Sirius stumbled a few steps, took one last gasp for air, then fell dramatically forward onto the ground. James eyed his victim in triumph. He flipped his wand victoriously and pocketed it with a flourish. Just as he was stepping over the "dead" body to leave, however, Sirius peaked one eye open and moved his leg just enough to cause James to come tumbling forward.

Sirius let out his usual barking laugh, while James could be heard mumbling some unfriendly suggestions to his friend best left unheard by sensitive ears.

Lily, who was watching the spectacle with a fairly amused expression, turned back to the professor. "You, erm, wanted to see me?"

"Yes, Lily, actually I have a favor to ask."

"Of course, Professor. What is it?"

"Well, you did such a wonderful job tutoring Mr. Potter last term, that I thought your services might do well on the part of Miss Creevy."

Lily blinked away the astonishment.

"You see," Hilton continued, "her grades have been slipping significantly since the early part of the year. It seems her focus is gone, or perhaps the drive. I was hoping, as top student in the class, as well as being an amiable girl, that you, Lily, would be able to lend some help in the situation. One or two nights a week should suffice, just to catch her up and get her feet back on the ground. Would that be too much trouble?"

"Of course not, Professor. I'd be delighted," Lily smiled that I'm-smiling-because-I-don't-know-what-else-to-do smile.

"I knew I could count on you," Hilton said with a warm, motherly smile.

Lily continued with her blank outward appearance of obedience, while inside her mind was awhirl with worries. It wasn't so much that she detested Samantha, no, rather she felt a sort of compassion toward her. Her source of worry came from the other end of the tunnel -- what did Samantha think of _her_? Lily had a strong feeling that she wasn't high on Samantha's list of allies.

Not that she had much choice in the matter now, anyway. If you're destined for the lion's den, might as well take it head on, eh?

* * *

Seven-thirty found the girls spread out over two armchairs, a couch, and one coffee table in the common room with stacks of homework parchment and books. The trend of the moment was muggle studies, so Lily, in the usual fashion, was explaining every detail out for her ever clueless friends. 

"They don't...actually..._do_ that, do they, Lily?" Scarlett was white-faced with terror.

"How else do you expect it to get done?" Lily responded matter-of-factly.

"But is all the sli-- _slicing_ necessary?" Scarlett gulped.

Lily shook her head in amusement at her squimish friend. Cherise, sitting on the floor next to the table, was making unpleasant faces at the medical book in front of her, also apparently not a big fan of muggle procedures. Marilyn seemed thoroughly nonplussed, however, as she sat rather sullenly in an armchair chewing gum and staring into space.

Lily continued on with her teachings while Scarlett and Cherise listened with trembling jaws.

"--then the appendix bursts--"

_POP_

Scarlett nearly jumped off the couch. "MARILYN!" She squawked.

Marilyn continued carelessly smacking away at the gum. "Hm?" She didn't even bother turning her head.

Scarlett's eyes bugged out. "Do you mind not to scare me to death like that? Or at least work on your timing...for the love of...bloody hell..."

"Oh. Hum. Sorry."

Scarlett threw an incredulous glance at Lily and Cherise, as if assuring they were witnessing this madness as well. Marilyn continued chewing.

"Spit out that gum, will you! You're driving me up the wall," Scarlett said in a huff as she reseated herself. "Why do you have it anyway? You only ever chew gum when you're stressed out. Merlin knows you're passing the gift along."

Marilyn chose to let the remark pass her by. This only ruffled Scarlett's feathers further.

"Why aren't you out with Remus? I'm surprised you can breathe without him next to you," Scarlett observed rather snippily. Then as an afterthought, she added, "Where is he anyway?"

"How should I know?" Marilyn answered in a bored voice, popping her gum once more.

"Maybe because you're his _girlfriend_," Scarlett offered.

"Yeah, try telling _him_ that."

"You don't mean that--" Lily started with worry.

"No."

"Did you have a fight, then?" Cherise joined in.

"No."

"Then what's your problem?" Scarlett spat, her bitterness still very much simmering.

At this, Marilyn finally turned her head to acknowledge the people with whom she was speaking. "Problem? Why ever should I have a problem? It's not like my boyfriend has gone and disappeared _once again_--"

Lily opened her mouth to comment, but Marilyn flew right on with her ranting.

"--Oh sure, he tells me he's _'a bit ill'_ and Madame Pomfrey will fix him right up -- yet_never_ does that woman let me see him, leaving me wondering what the hell has happened to him -- if he's...he's sick or hurt or...or..." she trailed off in a choked voice, unanticipated tears blocking her path.

The other three girls sat silent, marinating Marilyn's words in their minds. Truthfully, they weren't sure what to say or how.

Marilyn wiped a tear away stubbornly and stood up. "Dammit, I just want to know that he's okay."

She left for the dormitory stairs in a rush, though her heavy presence seemed to linger with the other girls. They sat in a thoughtful silence for a time, maybe unsure of how to continue.

The only sure thing present was the shared apprehension: Where _had_ Remus been?

* * *

**a/n: This entire last section will be alternating between two scenes happening simultaneously**

"Hey Lil, d'ya suppose we should carve our names into this couch, or somethin'?" Sirius asked. "I mean, we practically spend our lives here, anyway."

Lily, sitting next to him, laughed.

Sirius grinned. "Funny because it's true, aye?"

Lily shook her head, her hand covering her mouth to stifle the giggles. "No -- more like funny because the ink blot on your nose."

Sirius nearly crossed his eyes at a failing attempt to see the subject of her amusement. This only heightened the laughing effect on Lily.

"There," Lily chuckled as she swiped it away for him briskly.

Sirius patted his nose protectively. "I'll thank ye not to poke fun at my misfortunes."

"Because an ink smudge is nothing to be laughed at," Lily agreed with utmost seriousness.

"Damn straight!"

Lily gave a short little salute to his outburst, then redistributed her attentions to a parchment and a quill.

"Oh yeah, we were doin' something productive, huh," Sirius grinned thoughtfully at his own ability to fall off track.

"Yes, and if I don't finish this letter to my family soon, I might be forced to stab you with this quill since it is not being used for any other productive effort."

"Well if you didn't want me here, all you had to do was say it--" Sirius bemoaned in mock distress as he began to stand up.

"No!" Lily cried as she pulled him back down.

"Aha! So the truth comes out, m'lady..."

Lily couldn't help a grin. "You're good company, what can I say?"

"As it says on the resumé," he said with his nose in the air.

"Hm, is that before or after the part about being an arrogant prat?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Touché, darling."

Lily grinned mischievously and turned back to her work-in-progress. "Yes. Well. Anyway." She bit on the quill for inspiration.

Sirius leaned over to take a look at the writing. "So let's see here, so far you've got _'Dear mum and dad -- How are you? I'm fine.'_" He looked up. "So what d'ya say? One or two more words and it's good to go, aye?"

"As endearing as your method sounds, I was hoping to at least let my parents know I love them, which requires the use of _three_ words, which means going above and beyond. While we're at it, being over achievers and all, might as well go for a few paragraphs, eh?" Lily proposed.

Sirius blinked a few times. "...Yes," he answered intelligently.

Lily smiled in self satisfaction and thus began writing. Sirius sat back into the couch in silent resgination, subconsciously tuning into the soft scritchity-scratch of the quill on parchment.

The flicker of flame joined in the mellow waltz of sound on the air, caressing Sirius's senses to drowsiness. Yes, that and... was that the scent of Lily's hair? The pale fragrance of violet... that must be it. He gave his head a quick shake to assure his remaining awake.

'..._You'll be glad to know, Daddy, that I do not have a boyfriend, although I_--'

Lily paused in her outpouring of words. It was not that she knew not what to say next, but rather..._could_ she say it? Seeing things in writing has a terrible way of making even the most repressed thoughts become real.

She removed her eyes from where they had grown accustomed on the parchment and searched the air with an empty gaze. Her eyes settled on the uncommonly narcotized Sirius. She considered him thoughtfully, albeit distractedly. Sirius, possibly only half-awake at this point, noticed her sudden reverie.

"Whatcha thinkin' about, Lily?"

* * *

"James!" Scarlett greeted buoyantly. "How incredibly funny to meet you here." 

At her side, Cherise stifled an eye roll. Yeah, real coincidence.

James turned from the Quidditch trophy cabinet he was examining and greeted the girls with a crooked smile, not really understanding Scarlett's sprightliness. "Uh, hey."

"Whatcha up to?" Scarlett asked in the same chirpy voice as she leaned her back against the case James was previously looking at.

James shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Wasting time, I s'pose?"

Scarlett nodded. "Wicked. So anyway! Hogsmeade weekend coming up. You fancy going?"

"Yeah, actually, Catherine and I--"

"Catherine! How's it going with her anyway?"

James faltered a bit off track from the interruption, but quickly regained himself. "Well, you know, pretty much the same--"

"Oh good, good," Scarlett interrupted once again. "You know what I was just thinking?" she paused to giggle frivolously to herself. "Lily said the cutest thing last night--"

"Lily?" James's attention was caught.

"Yes,_ Lily_," Scarlett assured pleasantly. "See, she was looking through these pictures that Miranda Watson took on her trip to the Caribbean, and on one of them she stopped and stared at it a while with this crazy misty-like look to her, and then she goes -- in this funky whisper where it's almost like she's talking to herself, you know -- _'The sunset on the ocean matches James's e_yes'..."

Scarlett trailed off purposely as she watched with great intent the effect her words had on the desired party. Her reaped benefits were a James rubbing the back of his neck and swallowing so prominently that his adam's apple stuck out.

Scarlett started the game up again. "So anyway, it was just adorable, wasn't it, Rise?"

Cherise woke up. "Um! Yes."

Scarlett raised a discreet eyebrow at her. Cherise cleared her throat to try again.

"Oh really, you should've seen her. She was so transfixed over that picture. I think she even slipped it under her pillow to keep," Cherise nodded along with her words, as if asking others to please believe the validity behind them.

Both girls watched James carefully. It was now his turn to talk.

He smiled quite awkwardly. "Heh. Yeah, I--I guess that is something, eh? But, er, why exactly are you telling me this?"

Cherise opened a responseless mouth and turned to Scarlett, the brains of the madness.

"Because I thought you'd find it rather sweet," Scarlett smiled innocently. "And, I mean, it does concern you -- or your eyes, rather -- so I thought I'd mention it. It's no big deal really..." she left on an uncertain note, as if leaving the decision of how big a deal it really was up to the listener.

"Right!" James agreed quickly. "No big deal." He cleared his throat quite unnecessarily -- if only to ward off an oncoming awkwardness.

The girls eyed each other triumphantly.

* * *

Lily looked away. "Nothing, nothing...just zoning out, I guess." 

Sirius gave a yawn. "Yeah, I can relate. Crikey, who set the mellow-yellow spell?"

Lily shrugged listlessly. This wasn't at all acceptable with Mr. Black, he decided, as the famous smirk of mischief crawled back onto its proper place.

A giddy shriek erupted from Lily's lips as the terribly wonderful sensation of tickling came into focus -- a la Sirius's fingers. She swatted unceasingly at him as she giggled and shrieked inevitably.

"_Get -- off_ -- !" was all she managed.

Ever a gentleman, Sirius obliged with a smile of innocence. Lily took a moment to catch her breath before giving him one final smack -- and giving into her laughter.

"Lightened up the atmosphere, am I right?" was Sirius's justification.

"You cheated!" (a/n: 'Pirate!' Hehehe)

"All's fair on the common room couch, luv."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Is that so? And when was this decided?"

"About 10 seconds ago."

* * *

"Anyway," Scarlett continued from nowhere, "Cherise and I were planning on taking a light stroll around the grounds -- fancy coming with?" 

James returned his hands to his pockets. "Well, I--"

"You did say you were idly wasting time before, correct?" Cherise trapped him.

"Yes, but--"

"Oh come on James, we can't walk through the dark scary out-of-doors without a big, strong, _handsome _lad like yourself to protect us," Scarlett cooed.

James smirked in spite of himself. I mean, who was _he_ to argue? Besides, it was plenty clear that refusal was not one of the choices.

"I'll just go grab my cloak."

* * *

"You're hopeless." 

This only seemed to increase Sirius's self indulgence.

"Look, I'm almost done with this letter, so do you think you can be a good lad till then?" Lily entreated.

"Whatever you wish, Miss Evans."

Lily refocused her attention to the parchment at hand, the smile of laughter still tugging at her lips.

Sirius's fingers lightly tangled themselves in a portion of Lily's auburn lockes as her demeanor melted into solemnity once more. His fingers continued weaving absentmindedly as he studied her face, somehow transfixed.

"Lil?"

She looked up. "Yeah?"

If Lily had blinked, she may have missed the moment Sirius's lips met hers. He was... kissing her?

* * *

"Whoopsidaisy." 

James stepped through the newly appeared opening in the wall, gladly taken in by the cozy warmth of the common room. He took automatic steps toward the destination of his dorm, not really focusing in on any of the other activity in the room.

A casual turn of the head... oh look, Sirius and Lily, hm... STOP. A sharp turn of the head.

Kissing. They were kissing. But... but wasn't that whole fling-thing over? And weren't Scarlett and Cherise just saying that -- that --

James's feet began retreating slowly...then faster...until he had reached the portrait once again, which he shoved open with a force not exactly considered polite. He stumbled into the cool, drafty hallway and leaned himself heavily against the stone wall. All he could muster was a deep breath and a single hand through his hair.

* * *

A familiar caress. Something like the warm ache of a memory. 

Sirius's hand slid to Lily's cheek, lingering faintly over the skin - somehow seeming to savor its mere being there for him to touch.

As he went to further the kiss, Lily pulled herself away.

"Sirius, we can't--"

"Can't we?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

Their faces were hardly inches apart, their breath brushing the other's chin. As if afraid of what they would find in Sirus's face, Lily's eyes remained downcast.

"Because we're not together anymore. It's not right."

"It_ can_ be," he said in a plea.

"We've gone over this--"

"No. No we haven't," he spoke with determination. "We never decided anything. We just...let it go."

"Exactly." With this, she met his gaze. "_Exactly_. We let it go. It's...it's gone, Sirius."

Sirius's eyes grew deep with something indistinguishable -- an ignorant person might call it defeat. He turned his head away and allowed his eyes to drop.

"I know. ...And that's the worst part about it."

Lily could do nothing but remain in her silence, torn as to how either of them should be feeling.

Sirius continued in a quiet voice of admittance. "I wish I could just go on pretending everything is okay and that you'll always be there for me to have... but at the same time I know it could never be true."

Lily scrunched her face in puzzlement. "Then why did you just--"

"Because I _want_ it to be true," Sirius said with an underlying desperation. "There's something about you, Lily...something...I don't know, I can't put it into words. But when I look into your eyes...I feel..._different_..."

Lily took in a deep breath of air along with the words she was hearing.

"It's almost like...Merlin, listen to me," Sirius laughed in a relieving manner. "See, this is what you do to me! You make me a sappy mess."

Lily smiled along with his nervous-like laughter. Her smiled faded along with her next words. "I'm...sorry, Sirius. I wish everything could work out happily-ever-after, but the truth is...I-I don't feel that way about you -- but I love you! I really do! You're wonderful, Sirius. Really, more so than I could have ever imagined. Just...you know..."

Sirius, rather than be crushed by the weight of the words he was hearing, seemed to understand and be eased from hearing them. Still, a question plagued his mind.

"Is it because of...someone else?"

Lily bit her lip as she stared at her lap. This was answer enough for him.

Lily looked up again resolutely. "I truly am sorry, Sirius. I didn't -- and don't -- want to lead you on or anything--"

"Hey, don't worry about it. I guess I should be sorry for, well, bringing this mess up again. But...at least we know now..."

They smiled at each other. Sirius brought Lily towards him a bit and engulfed her in a hug, whispering in her ear--

* * *

"_I guess it just wasn't meant to be_." 

And James walked off down the barren hallway... alone.

* * *

Voila. Hope it was in some way worth a wait, but... well there you have it. Once again, my apologies for keeping you all hanging, and I will try my best not to do that again. Please forgive my hopeless soul. -kicks self-

Ciao and kisses, all.


	16. In Ladylike Manner

I'm so hopeless with updating. LoL. But anywho, here's the story. Enjoy.

* * *

**"In Ladylike Manner"**

* * *

The next day, early morning in the boys' dorm, Remus and Peter were still unconscious behind their bed curtains, while James was in front of his dresser fixing his tie, and Sirius was in front of the bathroom mirror taking great care to make sure each and every strand of hair fell in exactly the right place -- while at the same time looking unintentional.

"Ay Prongs," Sirius called out, "be a good lad and fetch me Comb #7 over by my bed. Number 3 just ain't workin' with me today."

James did so, chucking the comb onto the bathroom counter with more force than Sirius quite expected, then returning to his previous position.

"Whoa, no need to get fussy. I know you're upset that your hair refuses to cooperate, but come on now," Sirius said in a joking manner.

He waited for a laugh or quippy comeback, becoming only slightly disheartened when it failed to arrive. Brushing the expectation aside, he went back to the striving perfection of his hair.

A brief spell of silence befell the dorm, when James decided to make his presence known -- and in a harsher tone than Sirius anticipated.

"So why didn't you tell me you and Lily are back together?"

This brought immediate confusion to Sirius's mind, due to the fact of it not being true, together with the question of how James came to such a conclusion. Not only did confusion arrive, but also, as all moodiness is contagious, offense at the bitter tone of the question. Therefore, rather than answer, Sirius snapped back, "What does it matter to you, anyway?"

"Why shouldn't it?"

"It's my own business what goes on between me and Lily."

"Is it so much to want to know what's happening in my best friends' lives?"

"Oh you're one to talk, James!" Sirius yelled as he left the bathroom to face the person with whom he was speaking. "You weren't too open when it came to Catherine now, were you?"

James ran a hand through his bedhead of hair and exhaled. "Tha--"

"Don't even tell me that's 'different' because it bloody well isn't."

James was checkmated and he knew it. "Fine. Okay, I know I was an arse for thinking I could bury that whole thing in a hole where no one could find it. I admit it. I should have told you earlier. I know."

Sirius eyed him uncertainly. "So why didn't you?"

Ah, damn. Could he tell him now? But he was back together with Lily, right? That answered that.

"Er, it sounds stupid now, but I just didn't want you making a big deal out of it," was James's answer. Close enough, eh?

"Aw, Jamesy-Boy, you know I always wait at least a couple of weeks to order the cake and balloons," Sirius said with his playful grin back in place, clapping James on the shoulder.

This got James smiling just the same. "And I told you no pink frosting this time!"

And there was the rightful comeback.

* * *

_--About a week later--_

* * *

Lily's sleep-worn eyes opened themselves to peep at the current time. 10:27am. Ahh, Saturdays are sweet. 

Somewhere around 30 minutes later, the remainder of the girls were up and about, basically lounging about the dorm out of lazy reluctance to walk down to the Great Hall for sustenance. Sitting against the trunk in front of her bed, Lily sat painting her toenails a juicy shade of red.

"So have you said anything to James yet?" she asked to any person who might care to answer. In other words, Scarlett, Cherise, or Marilyn -- who had been informed of Mission: Attraction shortly after its launch.

"Erm... a bit," Scarlett answered uncertainly. She glanced at her accomplice, Cherise, bearer of a very similar look of nervousness.

Of course they had began conditioning James...and they were so sure they had made at least some sort of breakthrough that first try. But then something must have gone horribly wrong because after that day in front of the trophy cabinet -- and the planned walk around the grounds WHICH he never arrived for, the git -- he started to act very reserved and reclusive. Especially towards Lily. At first, one might mistake this peculiarity to be shyness. And even though it was known that James held a sheepish side to him, this behavior was just ridiculous.

"Cuz, you know, I've noticed him acting a bit...off lately," Lily continued as she swept the red brush over her middle toe. "It's not because of anything you guys said...right?" She looked up.

Scarlett looked at Cherise. Cherise looked at Scarlett. They both looked at Lily. "No," came their simultaneous reply. They restrained the urge to add, "Hopefully."

Lily finished off the last toe and resealed the nail polish bottle. "Well, I just don't know what's wrong. I mean, he's acted so cold towards me this past week. Did I do something wrong?"

"I wouldn't worry about it, Lil," Marilyn joined in. "Maybe he's just...in a funk. Or something. Forget about it. And hey, we've got that trip to Hogsmeade today. Can't be arsing ourselves with burdens on a day like this."

Clearly taking the path of least resistance, Lily silently conceded to this pleasantry. Yes, Hogsmeade was always an occasion, and surely not one to be mucked up with dragging thoughts. And James would be there...with his easy smile and disheveled hair... oh, it was sure to be a lovely day, indeed.

* * *

The usual group of four boys and four girls stood huddled outside Zonko's, the chill in the breeze bringing out the pink of their cheeks and ears. March weather was absolutely delicious. Warmth poured from the midday sun creating a blanket of brightness across the lushly green hills, only to be countered by the damp cool of a country breeze. The air smelled of flowers newly awoken by the melody of Spring. The ground felt springy and supple beneath feet lucky enough to tread across it. 

"So, um, can we move on now?" Cherise asked with an air of impatience.

"Just a second, Adams," James answered offhandedly while craning his neck in a search for something or someone. "I told you already, I'm meeting someone here."

Cherise was not appeased. "Well then why can't you stay he--"

"Who is it you're meeting?" Lily interrupted.

James hesitated barely a moment before answering, in a far firmer voice than one would anticipate, "Catherine."

Lily hid her disgusting disappointment with an innocently inquisitive smile. She switched her gaze to Scarlett, narrowing her eyes to convey her displeasure with this revelation. Scarlett seemed just as unpleasantly surprised. Cherise even halted in her squawking to bite her lip in anticipation.

Drat that boy. So he wasn't bluffing before, as they slimly hoped.

"Lil?" Sirius asked with a positively perplexed expression. "Are you okay?"

Lily took a start and released the clump of her cloak she was clenching into a death grip in her hands. "Yes, yes," she answered quite breathlessly. "Just wonderful." She began instinctively preening at her hair as if to defy any signs of uneasiness about her.

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows. "Are you sure? Because you look rea--"

"Hey!" James hollered and waved to an approaching figure. He trotted over and took the girl by both hands in greeting, smoothly transitioning to one hand as he led her over.

As they came closer, the features of the girl came into better focus. Her hair was a warm chestnut brown, straight and shiny and long as any Medieval princess's would have been, complete with several annoyingly perfectly placed curls. Her eyes were blue and misty as a seashore, sometimes reminiscent of violet when the light hit just right. Everything about her was soft and subtle, like something of a fond memory.

"So...this is Catherine!" James announced nervously, but nevertheless with obvious excitement. "She's my-- uh, well we're-- ...she's in Ravenclaw!"

Catherine smiled a bit awkwardly, revealing -- of course -- pearly teeth worthy of the cover of a dentistry magazine. Sirius obviously noticed this, among other things, as he grinned helplessly.

"Charmé, mon chéri," he purred as he bent forward to kiss her hand.

Catherine fluttered her eyes in astonishment at this display of chivalry. "Why, um, thank you so much."

Even her voice was perfect, Lily noticed with bitterness. A light swirl of honey and morning songbirds.

Remus's mouth began to curve into a grin not unlike that of Sirius, only to fail with the sharp pain in his side induced by Marilyn's elbow. Therefore he instead opted for a weakly polite smile and a "Nice to meet you."

Peter gave a courteous nod of the head coupled with a bashful smile. He mumbled something like, "Hullo," while carefully evading eye contact.

"And these are the girls," James continued with introductions. "Cherise, Scarlett, Marilyn, and...Lily." His tone somehow stiffened with the last word.

Each girl offered a strictly required smile as her name was mentioned, all finding it difficult to be pleased with any of the situation. Catherine, however, seemed genuinely amiable about the meeting. The poor, naive girl.

"So I was thinking we'd go check out the shrieking shack," James said in an effort to throw off an oncoming silence. "Catherine really likes it up there."

Sirius and Remus looked less than thrilled at the idea. As if they didn't get enough of that place every month?

"Er, perhaps we'll let you two squirrels wander off alone," Sirius suggested. "I was hoping to score a butterbeer at Honey & Duke's. Fancy meeting up later on?"

"Oh, but I was so looking forward to finally getting to know you all," Catherine bemoaned.

"There'll be time later, don't you worry, pet," James assured.

There was that dratted picturesque smile again. Lily cringed inwardly.

"Oh and Catherine, be careful on your way up the hill," Lily advised in a sugar-coated voice before they could walk off. "Wouldn't want you to..._twist your ankle_..." Her eyes narrowed for only Catherine to see.

The smile faltered.

"Come on Sirius," Lily said as she grabbed his hand and prepared to leave.

James took Catherine's hand in his just as ineloquently as Lily had with Sirius. Exchanged glances spelled out what words were afraid to say.

In the case of Sirius and Catherine... well, they weren't sure what to say. Or what was going on, for that matter.

But then again, who ever does.

* * *

The dim, dank interior of Honey & Duke's never quite took with Lily -- it rather reminded her of a sad pub where hopeless men came to drown their sorrows in bitter ales -- or perhaps it was her current pessimism kicking in. Either way, she leaned her head on her hands rather glumly, wishing most longingly to be back outside in the brisk sunshine. Or on a hill...by a shrieking shack...with a certain someone... 

"You haven't touched your drink, Lil," Remus noted.

Lily blinked lazily. She took a meager sip to adhere, then pushed the tankard away.

"You've been acting bloody...off today, Lily. Care to share what's up?" Sirius persisted.

When it seemed as though she was choosing not to answer, she suddenly blurted, "Do you really think we should've let them go off alone like that?"

"James and Catherine?" Sirius confirmed in his confusion.

"I mean, it's just the two of them...on that lone hill...and, well, _you know_--"

"They'll hardly be alone," Remus corrected. "There's always students milling around that shack up there."

Lily pretended to not hear. "--and you know how teenagers are...with..._hormones_ and all that..."

Sirius let out an appreciative laugh. "Oh Lily, you're too much."

She didn't seem to think as much.

"You're really worried they'll do something up there?" he asked incredulously. "One, how far do you think they'll get on a hill in the open daylight? And two, what's the deal? James could use it anyhow."

This got Remus, Peter, and, to Lily's distaste, Marilyn to laugh. The other girls sat in indignance.

"You're such a randy prat, Black," Lily huffed.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Says the woman who thought all this up in the first place..?"

"I didn't say I approved!"

"Not saving you, luv."

Lily brooded. "Well I think it's perfectly horrible and we should go stop it."

As the boys went into more peals of laughter, Lily received some backup from Scarlett. "You know, maybe we should go check on them."

"You girls are positively dotty, I hope you know," Remus informed through his subsiding chuckles.

"Too true, and plus I've not yet finished my third helping," Sirius indicated with a raised glass, "so we couldn't possibly leave."

"We've been here hardly 15 minutes, Sirius," Cherise noted with a mix of amazement and disgust.

"Exactly," he explained. "So I've a long way ahead of me before this chum is through with this establishment." He exited the booth with flourish and tread the familiar path to the bar, which he leaned forward onto with both arms, flashing his cheekiest grin to the far-gone female bartender.

Lily couldn't suppress a smirk of amusement at his smooth aura.

Also taking notice of Sirius's cassanova-like behavior, Remus leaned forward and explained in secretive tones, "Y'know, I wouldn't be surprised if Sirius grins his way to a little extra _ahem_ in his drink, if you know what I mean."

The table laughed enthusiastically at this notion. From the way the bartenderess was visibly melting at the mere attention of such a suave creature, such an idea was not difficult to believe.

And from the way Sirius bounded back to the table as spry as a puppy with drinks in hand... the grey area of uncertainty was no more.

* * *

They exited the dusky pub in high spirits. Sirius's successful attempt at getting the contents of the place to join in a round of "_What the World Needs Now_" was enough to get any chum smiling. There was just something irresistibly jolly about 20 tipsy men wavering over high notes of a soapy love song. 

Laughter split the air as they made their leave out into the sunshine.

"..._it's the only thing...that there's just...too little of_," they sang together in a quirky sort of harmony - shamelessly loud - more laughter making its way out than the melody.

Sirius sighed loudly. "Now there's a spiffing tune right there."

"And it'll be cemented in my head for weeks to come," Scarlett commented.

"You're such a bloody arse, Sirius," Cherise laughed.

Sirius slung his arms around Cherise and Lily on either side of him. "It's a tragic flaw," he wept. Suddenly he perked out of his mock tears. "Prongs and the girl!"

"And how was your afternoon?" Sirius asked promptly to the newly arrived couple. "You know, we were speculating the possibilities all through lunch."

James withheld a streak of crimson peeking up from his neck. "As a matter of fact, it went right well," he grinned as his arm snaked around Catherine's welcoming waist and pulled her close to his side. She giggled to herself.

Lily gritted her teeth to herself.

"Isn't that terrific?" she chirped. "Well we had quite a time ourselves. Sirius here was just the funniest little bludger today," she cooed in admiration.

"Oh yeah? What did he do?" Catherine asked with genuine interest.

"Er...well, for one thing we got the whole of the bar singing "What the World Needs Now-is love sweet love" - and isn't that just so true?" she commented as one does with the weather as she placed her hand on Sirius's shoulder and leaned precariously on it.

"Yes, well," Remus said aloud at once to beat off the silence emanating from several gazes. "Fancy a trip to Quidditch Supplies before heading back?"

"Lovely! Yes, let's," Marilyn encouraged.

As Sirius turned to go along, he eyed the hand on his shoulder then met the owner's gaze.

It was then that the guilt poured through Lily with a sickening rush. What the hell was she doing?

* * *

The trip to Quidditch Supplies ended up lasting a bit longer than anticipated. Sirius and James stood firm ground before the shining model of the latest broomstick, gawking at it with a curiously unyielding stare that was comparable to sufferers of a stunning spell. This left the other - more mentally focused - members of the group standing around idly, honorably resisting the urge to take the broomstick off its pedestal and whack the boys with it. 

This useless time proved a chance to chat up Catherine, however. Know thine enemy, savvy. In only a few moments, they learned of her muggle parentage ("Lily's muggle born too!"), her goals of becoming Head Girl ("well you might have some competition with Lils here"), her secret boredom with Quidditch even though she allows James to believe everyone in the world worships it as he does ("yeah, me and Lily never know what he's on about with that"), and her skills with the piano ("hey Lil, didn't you say you always play the piano at home?").

Lily smiled and nodded at appropriate intervals, keeping her mouth shut for the most part. She had always been hopeless as an actress, and feigning interest with small talk fell within that vicinity. Marilyn took control of the talking, being the most conversationally inclined of the girls, and dug out as many details as they could stand to hear. One, in particular, that struck Lily's fancy was how James seemingly never could keep her name out of the conversation.

"It's funny, really," Catherine continued, "how keen he is on talking about you, Lily. You two must be right close mates."

Lily found herself short a response, so she did all she could think of and smiled. Inside, the wheels of hope were turning, despite the knowledge that such a thing only led to greater hurt. Well screw it all.

One point to Evans.

* * *

With just outside a second to spare, the group reached the carriages that were to whisk them back to the school. They split into fours, fate having it that James/Catherine and Sirius/Lily be together. The guys were bubbling over with enamorment of the broomstick and proceeded to gush over it the entire ride back. This left the girls to their own devices, merely consisting of Catherine vaguely smiling and Lily forcing her eyes not to fall on James. Or the intertwined fingers between him and Catherine, for that matter. 

In a moment of ultimate self-pity, Lily allowed her head to drop onto Sirius's shoulder with an inaudible sigh. Instinctively, Sirius wrapped his arm over Lily's shoulders, perhaps in some subconscious need to protect - all the while he kept his complete focus on James and the conversation at hand. One might think he hadn't noticed his arm had moved at all.

But James did.

* * *

Upon reaching the destination, the students poured in a mass to the main doors, Lily and co. among them. Marilyn, Cherise, and Scarlett walked ahead, chattering energetically about some subject or other, while Lily lulled behind. They reached a fork of hallways, one leading to the portrait hole, the other leading elsewhere. Lily meandered with the others along the usual path. She paused but a moment to look behind and see where James was. 

Back a ways she could see him and Catherine wrapped up in each other's arms, seemingly whispering sweet so-longs...or something of similar sappiness. In an instant of undecided initiation, they were kissing.

Lily turned away. She focused on her footsteps away from the sight she had witnessed. If not, she feared crumbling to the very ground she was concentrating on.

Behind her, James and Catherine separated. With one last glowing look, Catherine departed down the adjacent passageway to wherever it may lead.

James watched the brunette belle disappear down the hallway festooned with tapestries. His head felt light and happy. His feet weren't completely touching the floor.

And yet his heart was bleeding red.

* * *

Yeah, ahem, hope you got that metaphorish...whatever...at the end. ANYWHO! Aww, another chapter ending with a saddened James. Isn't that just terrible? Poor hunny. Maybe I should just skip to the wedding and get it over with (and I know some of you are nodding yes). But that wouldn't be fun. So on we go.

Next chapter ye may anticipate seeing Samantha again, some Marilyn/Remus drama, aaaand. Lily and James one-on-one time. Ahh yay.

So! Till again we meet, dahlings.


	17. Hidden Sentiments

Look at all them reviews. Over 700. That's insane, yo. And I SO DON'T DESERVE IT! Aahh! But thank you thank you anyhow. Hugs to everyone!

Btw. I've just recently started using Word to save my chapters (as opposed to word pad before) and I discovered with my last upload that every time I use "…" (which I do a lot, blame Kaitlyn) it turns into a single dot – therefore mucking up the grammatical harmony of the world. So if you were wondering about that in the last chapter, there ya go.

(Quick thanks to Kaitlyn for the help, aaand for bearing with my complaining – you're a doll)

* * *

**"Hidden Sentiments"**

* * *

Amidst the emptiness of the Muggle Studies classroom sat Lily Evans. It was sometime after dinner, at whatever prearranged hour she and Samantha were destined to meet for Professor Hilton's impromptu tutoring session. 

Just when Lily was getting to her feet, having had enough of rewardless waiting, Samantha made her appearance – looking slightly frazzled. She huffed and sat down sullenly.

"Make it quick," she uttered, not even bothering to give Lily a glance of acknowledgement.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "It's not like I was looking forward to this either."

"As I'm sure this little rendezvous interrupts your plans for snogging every decent-looking Gryffindor boy tonight," Samantha retorted dryly.

"_Excuse_ me?"

"Oh right. You're an innocent little angel. Just a little tease now and then, right?"

"Wha—you're one to talk!" Lily bit back in frustration.

"At least _I_ didn't have to worm my way to the top – I was there naturally."

Lily sighed. "Look, I didn't come here to exchange stabs in the heart--"

"Maybe I did."

Lily fluttered her eyelashes in astonishment a moment.

"I know you think you're queen of the schoolgirls now that you're the Marauders' little pet, but just remember that this time last year -- you were no one, Lily Evans." There was fire in her tone and her eyes, though one might swear to find a glimmer of fear hiding behind this hostility.

Lily, wanting desperately to fight back and prove herself, could do no more than look to her lap with defeat. Try as she might to brush them off, the words bit with a bitter truth. But not one she had been unaware of, oh no.

"You think I don't know that?" she said in something close to a whisper -- or maybe a snarl that was afraid to come out. "I don't know what I'm doing here, or why, or how any of this could have possibly happened. ...But somehow it did."

Samantha persisted with her brooding.

"But you know what," Lily continued pensively, choosing her words slowly and deliberately. "I almost wish none of this _had_ happened."

Samantha allowed a moment of genuine curiosity to flicker across her moody features.

"Over the past months...all I've really accomplished is repeatedly hurting the two people I've come to care about most. These...these people that I've looked up to for years, placing them on some kind of pedestal because of how grand I thought them. And now I come to find...they're just human, like me...like you...like everyone else. And...well, it kills me to know it took my own stupidity to realize that for the first time. It's almost like...like...like I'm dragging them down. That I'm the problem. Maybe...they'd just be better off if I was still a shadow on the wall." Lily was speaking to her hands now, subconsciously crawling into her shell from the vulnerability of revealing these pains so close to her heart.

Silence ensued, for one reason or a thousand.

"I guess we all have our reasons to cry at night, huh," Samantha said in a voice that wasn't sure if it was speaking aloud or not.

Lily dared to raise her eyes, only to see Samantha's cast, almost in a detached manner, on some far off point. She sat like this for minutes or more, staring off at an invisible horizon, seemingly lost in thought. Then she spoke.

"It's not easy, y'know, being the youngest, and only Gryffindor, in a family of Slytherins. Being expected to think and act the same as the rest of the family…it's not a choice, but a fact. A way of life. When they spit on other wizards' way of life, I must spit with them; when they torture muggles for mere amusement, _I must laugh with them _-- all for fear of bringing shame to my family. I've done enough of that already, simply by being sorted into this bloody house," she spat with bitter emphasis on the final words.

Lily sat in silent stupor. Her eyes never left Samantha's crumbling face.

"Ever since my first day of school my parents have looked upon me like I'm a traitor to the family…something not worthy of breathing the same air. I can't even look at them in the eyes because I know what they're thinking….that they wish I had never been born." Rather than fall to pieces as any other girl might have done at this moment, Samantha seemed more likely to break something in unleashed fury.

Lily took a breath to regain any sense of feeling. "Look, Samantha, I know what it's like to be the outcast in your fam—"

"No. No you don't," she threw back with clenched teeth. "But you know who does? _Sirius_. Sirius knows. And you know why that is? Because he's in the same damned position as me. Did he ever tell you that?" Samantha's voice was bordering on hysterical, which only further induced Lily to keep her composure despite her desire to hide in the corner and cry.

"N-no, he never really mentioned it…" Lily conceded with as much dignity as could be mustered.

"Sometimes he was the only thing that kept me sane. Just knowing he was going through the same hell as me..." she inhaled a deep breath. "It kept me hanging on." She had calmed herself down a bit from the edge of vengeful fury, but it seemed the bitterness in her eyes would linger ever on. Lily couldn't blame her. She continued, "And then _you_ came along…"

"Oh, Samantha, I never reali—"

"But we continued meeting nightly anyway, even though he refused to kiss me anymore. I finally changed his mind, though. The guy always was a sucker for a damsel in distress. A short skirt never hurt, either."

"I can't believe Sirius never mentioned any of this…it would've explained so much."

"It's not something you'd fancy getting around. Speaking of which, I'm sure you'll get a kick out of flourishing my sob story around the school," she said with a roll of her eyes to disguise her actual fear of such a thing happening.

"Why would I do that?"

"Come on, Evans, give me a break. I know very well that you can't stand me—"

"That's not true!"

Samantha looked over at Lily incredulously.

Lily squirmed. "Well fine. I admit I wasn't very fond of you after you…er…"

"Fooled around with your boyfriend?"

"Yes. That," Lily replied dully, not loving the memory. "But in all honesty, I don't see you at all as a horrible person. I mean, there was a reason you were sorted into Gryffindor, right? And… I truly am sorry for what you've had to live through…I don't think I could've handled it if it were me."

Samantha plastered on a face of indifference to the words. "Whatever, Evans. Just don't cry over me because I have a shitty family. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."

With that, Samantha stood up with her bag and made to leave. Before exiting the room, she paused in the doorway with her hand on the doorframe. She looked over her shoulder discreetly. "But thanks."

She left without another word.

* * *

Surrounded by parchment and dusty old books, Marilyn did not seem to be as invested in her work as the other students around her in the always stuffy and quiet library. She hated it in there, avoiding it at all costs, but it seemed to be the only place silent enough to allow her to clear her thoughts. She sat with her chin on her hand as she gazed blankly at the bookshelf across from her.

Suddenly she was greeted with an embrace and a soft kiss on the neck from behind. "Hey lovely," a husky voice floated into her ear.

Remus. Sigh.

Marilyn turned her head away from the affection, sending a clear indication that she was not interested. Remus straightened up with a perplexed expression on his face.

"Something wrong?" he questioned.

"Funny, I should ask you the same thing," Marilyn replied stiffly.

Remus seemed only further confused. "I'm sorry, I'm not following." He sat down in the chair next to her.

"Then neither will I." She stood up abruptly and hurried out of the library.

It took Remus a prolonged moment to realize that she had brushed him off so. When his mind caught up with the situation, he rushed after her, nearly tipping over the chair as he leaped off it.

"Marilyn?" he shouted to the hall, causing some passing students to turn heads. Ignoring this attention, Remus continued to search frantically, catching sight of her turning a corner a ways ahead of him.

He ran after her, only catching up with her just as she had left the castle out into the bright sunshine. He grabbed her arm as she stepped off the bottom stair onto the grass.

"What are y—" Remus tried to ask, but was interrupted.

"Please don't, Remus," she said calmly without looking back at him.

"Don't what?" he asked helplessly.

She wrenched her arm free and began to walk away. "Leave me alone."

Remus could do nothing but watch her walk away with a sinking heart. Did he miss something?

Then Marilyn stopped. She inhaled deeply and said, "But I don't want you to." She turned around and looked at him for perhaps the first time since he approached her. "Leave me alone, that is. I…wouldn't be able to stand it."

Remus walked tentatively over to her. "What's going on? Why're you…?"

Marilyn took his hand in both of hers and held onto it dearly. She met his troubled eyes with hers. When she spoke, her voice had become a whisper.

"I'm so scared."

* * *

The hour was late and the flames were dwindling, but Lily Evans pressed on. The terrifying prospect of a Transfiguration exam swished its dark cloak around in her mind, inhibiting her ability to give up the studying and get some much needed rest. Parchment had scattered itself about her, making up for the absence of human company.

"_Malasandium_…the changing of dirt to gold dust…" Lily reiterated to herself for what seemed the millionth time.

She paused a moment in her scribbling and chanting.

Overcome with the prickling feeling that another person was present, she lifted her head and glanced at the stairs. She could just make out James's figure making to turn and walk back from whence it came.

"James! Hey!" she called, trying not to raise her voice incredibly, as it was quite late.

He turned back. "Er, sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just wandering out of restlessness."

"No, no! You're not disturbing me. Or that is…well, I'd like you to stay," she lowered her voice.

James tentatively changed direction and came back down the stairs. He approached Lily slowly, as if dreading what might happen if it all was taken too quickly.

Lily smiled shyly up at him standing before her in those same plaid pajama pants, the green in them working splendidly with the hazel of his eyes. The firelight also flirted with the deep, uncertain color, bringing them to a new level of mysterious. No, Lily had never forgotten the first day she had fallen in love with those eyes. The memory haunted her still. How did she not know at that moment that James was the one she needed?

But her heart was blindfolded. So cruel irony could be in matters of love.

"Restless, you say?" Lily inquired. "Something on your mind?"

James shrugged. "Guess you could say that. How about you? A little late to be finishing homework, idn't it?"

Lily sighed as she again became aware of the workload upon her lap. "It's not homework, just years of notes to study. I hardly know where to start."

James peered down at the heaps of materials scattered about. "Transfiguration, eh?" He smirked to himself.

"Yeah…are you any good with it?"

"A bit, I guess you could say." But the self-satisfied grin gave it all away.

Lily's features brightened considerably. "It's fate!"

James looked thrown. "What?"

"That a Transfiguration genius would wander down here at the precise moment I needed it!" Lily was noticeably giddy. "So come on, sit down," she ordered.

* * *

Not much of a while later the books and parchment lay off to the side and ignored, while conversation that could only be described as jolly took its place between the friends.

"So then McGonagall was walking around the rest of the day with a rooster sitting in her hair," James finished with satisfaction. Lily was numb with contained giggles, trying desperately not to wake up the remainder of the student population.

"And you never even got so much as a detention for it?" Lily managed to ask.

James smiled triumphantly. "'Course not. There wasn't any proof to hold against us. Though every time Sirius or I would cluck at her under our breath, I swear she was ready to hex us to France."

"You guys are hysterical," Lily grinned to herself. "It seems your mischief has calmed down lately, though…" she commented in a way that made it seem a question.

James sighed. "Yeah. I s'pose we've…gotten distracted, or summat."

He didn't elaborate. Lily decided this was a sign to change subjects.

"So how's Quidditch going? Any games coming up?"

James face lit instantly. Until comprehension took its place, however. "Aw, Lil, you wouldn't know a Quaffle from a broomstick. My expansive explanations would be lost on you, luv." He then flashed her a grin. "No offense."

Lily laughed. "None taken. I was just…making conversation?" she tried.

"A selfless move on your part. Good on you."

Lily scrunched up her face in that Don't-I-Know-It way. "So anyway—wait, what time is it?"

"Quarter past 2," James answered, checking his watch.

Lily fell back into the cushion of the couch and covered her face with her hands in a hopeless manner. "Oh bloody hell, I'll never be able to concentrate tomorrow with only three hours of sleep."

James bit his lip as he always did when thinking. "Well hey, I know of a potion that you can take to make up for lost sleep."

Lily dropped her hands to look at him. "Do you?" She straightened up. "Oh, please, could I have some? It'd be so helpful."

"Of course! Except, erm…" he began to scratch the back of his neck. "Well…it's down in the potions dungeon."

"You mean we'd have to leave the common room? At _three in the morning_?" Lily didn't seem too thrilled with the idea. "You know how much troub—"

"One sec," James blurted and disappeared off toward the boys staircase, returning only moments later with a silvery, almost liquid-esque sort of something in his right hand.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "James Potter…you have an _invisibility cloak_?"

James shrugged. "Don't fancy the fact getting out though…for obvious reasons."

It all suddenly came together. "So _that's_ how you got away with so many pranks. You were invisible! Oh you wanker! Talk about the unfair advantage," she tsk'ed.

"Hey Evans, did you forget that this cloak is about to save your bum? I'd cut the prefect act and start grovelling," he teased.

"Shall I kiss it then, O Great One? Though lord knows where it's been…" she scrunched up her face.

"It's been anywhere that I have, so it'd be about the same as kissing me. Any objections to that?" James posed with that omnipresent cheeky grin.

Lily couldn't help a blush. _Bloody hell, no.__ Pucker up, Potter._

James, noticing her hesitance to reply, cleared his throat in an attempt to ward off awkwardness. "So shall we go?"

* * *

Out in the drafty hallway, away from the comforting assurance of the common room, Lily and James tinkered with the cloak to make sure no finger was left uncovered. And though the cloak was rather large and often served three persons at once, Lily and James found themselves leaning into each other so that their faces were not even 4 inches apart. James kept his arm linked with Lily's in order to keep her from straying at a moment of panic. Being new to the exploit, she had not yet learned the subtle art of moving and thinking as one.

"First thing to remember," James whispered into her ear, "is to avoid talking. You never know who could be around without you knowing."

"What do you call what you're doing now?" she hissed back.

"Instructions."

"Doesn't make it any less talkative."

"Are you going to be this difficult the entire time?"

"Yep."

By this time they had reached the fifth floor (meaning they had descended two floors, fyi), but as Lily made for the next staircase James tugged her in a different direction. Before Lily could question his motives he had shushed her and halted before a rather large and intimidating painting of a grand piano. One would assume the painting usually contained some sort of person playing the piano but had left for the night as painting occupants tended to do. James pulled his wand from his back pocket and murmured a soft incantation that allowed the painting to, quite eerily, dematerialize in its frame and leave a gap large enough to step through. Not unlike the portrait hole, minus the whole swinging forward part.

Lily's jaw lowered itself in plain astonishment. She looked to James for an explanation of some sort, but he was already beckoning her forward into the unfriendly darkness. Once immersed in the passageway, the painting reasserted itself behind them, hiding the castle hallways from view.

"_Lumos_."

The instant light emitted from James's wand revealed a cramped passageway that seemed to crawl forever onward. It was dank and stone all around, but not nearly as ghastly as other such secret corridors Lily had encountered in stories and the like.

"It's a secret passage, Sirius and I discovered it back in third year," James answered the question sitting on Lily's tongue.

"My word, James," Lily declared in awe. "I knew there was more to you than meets the eye, but really. Anything else about your mysterious nightlife you'd care to divulge?"

James stifled a weak laugh. "Let's save the rest for another night, eh?"

Lily hadn't the time to become curious over his vague answer as she felt herself being whisked down the winding alley by James's arm. On and on they went, the downward tilt of the ground assuring that they were heading at least in the general direction of the dungeons.

The end to the traveling came in the form of a stone wall. A discouraging dead end to anyone not in the know. James, however, whipped out his wand once more and tapped the corner stone three times in the form of a triangle. Contrary to expectation, an opening did not appear as it did last time, but rather the tapped stone shifted slightly upwards to leave a peephole which James promptly peered through, obviously to make sure the scene was clear before attempting to walk through what was supposed by everyone else as a solid wall.

_Well that was an intelligent little trick to add, whoever made this thing anyway_, Lily thought to herself.

Once James was satisfied with what he saw, he stepped back and repeated the triangular tapping on the stone next to the original one. It was then that the wall before them moved aside politely and Lily and James walked through to find themselves in one of several potions dungeons.

"The potion we're looking for should be in the next room over. Come on," James instructed.

Lily stepped softly along beside him. The going was much slower since the ground was stone and their echoing steps were not cushioned by rugs and carpeting as was the case upstairs.

At last they came upon a cupboard in a tiny room adjacent to a potions classroom. It was locked impressively, bearing the symbol of an anti-spell charm to drive off such students as themselves from poking around inside with the aid of the _alohamora_. James, however, was not just any student. He breathed an incantation below his breath, gave two swishes of his wand, and the cupboard was open.

Lily was beginning to understand that she had seriously underestimated this young man. Either in pure genius or criminal mastermind, he didn't seem to have the limits of a normal person.

A few minutes of prodding around produced results of a small purple vial.

"Here we go, Awareness Serum. Just take two sips of th—" James halted his speech, even breath, in under a moment. Lily did the same, if only from fear of seeing him do it.

Then she discovered just what had struck him so suddenly. _Meow…_

In a honed and fluid movement James had secured his and Lily's body to a corner way out of the way. Lily wasn't even entirely sure how they had gotten there so quickly and flawlessly. Nor did it matter, as at that moment all her attentions were on the door opposite her that was opening with a low creak. The soft pad of cat paws followed and then the silhouette of a man in a tattered suit coat two sizes too large for his bony frame.

_Filch_. Lily hoped her increasingly rapid heartbeat would not give away their position.

"Ah, my pet, so they are in here, you say?" spoke his croaky voice. A meow was his answer. "Well then they must be here somewhere. Hiding, are you? Not for long," he finished with a dry and scratchy laugh.

With each resounding step he made in the palpable darkness, James's arms seemed to tighten that much more around Lily. Their nearness was such that Lily could feel James's slow and steady breath brush over her forehead; she could feel every tense contraction of his muscles against her body. Needless to say, it was impossible for her to be consumed with fright when such serenity washed over her with each wave of his warm breath.

But then she noticed Filch's approaching figure and was reminded once more, with a volt of anxiety, that she was one misstep away from expulsion. Or at least denial of the head girl position. Same difference. Mind you, being discovered in the potions dungeon, with a boy, in the middle of the night, with a vial of a restricted potion, under an invisibility cloak – was generally frowned upon by school administration.

Overcome with an overpowering dread, Lily buried her face into James's shoulder, not bearing to even look at her oncoming doom a moment longer. James responded to this sign of weakness by softly, subtly, stroking her back in an effort to appease her worries.

A moment of relief came when Filch strayed off his path and began rummaging around in other areas of the room. The release of tension was short-lived, however, as the cat (a/n: a different cat, as mrs norris wouldn't be alive yet…I don't think….anyhow) continued to prowl straight for the guilty party beneath the clock, its yellow eyes gleaming dangerously. For not the first time, James felt the unsettling suspicion that the cat was not subject to the cloak's powers as was the rest of the wizard population.

Closer and closer it creeper, its crooked purring verberating off the ground. Any given moment, the cat would run into them and alert its master at once with horrible screeches – James had experienced it in previous encounters and it just wasn't pleasant. The unblinking stare of yellow continued its approach ever closer. James closed his eyes against his imminent fate and willed himself to disappear completely. Any moment now…

A sharp whistle broke the suspense. "Come on, cat, I have a feeling they've gone upstairs," Filch snapped. He bumbled out of the room with the obedient cat scurrying after.

When the last of the retreating footsteps died away, James and Lily let out simultaneous sighs. Lily slithered with a silent thump to the ground out of exhaustion, bringing James with her.

"Does this happen often?" she asked meekly, leaning her head back against the stone wall and allowing her eyes to close.

"Not exactly, but then again--" but he caught himself. "Er, just a bit of bad luck, I suppose."

Lily "hm"ed quietly in return, her eyes still lightly closed. "Should we go back now?"

"Not right away. We have to make sure Filch gets as far away as possible."

This time Lily did not even volunteer a reply. Not that James needed one. He blindly fell into a hypnosis feeling the steady rise and fall of her chest against his side.

_In…out…in…out…_

Such a perfect rhythm, so peaceful and unhurried. It was almost like…like….

But what it was like, James never decided. It was lost to sweet slumber.

* * *

And there you have it. Let's hope that "one-on-one" time was satisfying. NO, they did not kiss or run away together into the sunset. But hey, _I_ enjoyed it.

And I'm quite excited for Samantha's new role. It may not come up for a while…but she'll be lurking, so you know.

Also, I know the Remus/Marilyn scene was…confusing, to say the least. But it'll be cleared up soon.


	18. Side Effects of Trying

AMANDA! You are my favorite person ever. Aahh your reviews were the funnest things. You even got an Amanda Page with them. LoL. So THANK YOU! I'm so glad you're reading. : Also, a reviewer shout out to **Ami**, who graced me with the sweetest and cutest review ever. I nearly cried. Good grief, endless thanks there. AND TO EVERY ONE ELSE! Of course. You're all completely darling and make my life worth living. Or at least this story worth writing (which, psh, could I possibly do ANY slower? Someone kick me).

Btw, I have no idea if I've already given a name to the potions master in this story, so just bear with me and go with the flow. K? K.

* * *

**"Side Effects of Trying"**

* * *

Gerald Voros, the potions master, hummed a crooked sort of tune as he walked a solitary path through the dungeons. He found a strange exhilaration in roaming the empty dungeons in the morning before those dratted students came with their chattering and hopeless potion-making. He took a deep breath of the musty air. Ahh. 

He slid a squat finger along the wooden tables both examining and admiring the absence of dust. He was just contemplating the choice of lesson plan for the day when a strange sight caught the corner of his eye. Was that a young man's head over in that shadowy corner? And, by george, was that a young lady's leg?

Flustered and quite arguably creeped out, he moved hesitantly toward the phenomenon, squinting his pudgy eyes. A stray and abrupt snore broke the tense silence, causing the professor to jump slightly. Indignified by his trepidation, he stormed over to the corner and grasped around boldly. That's when he felt it. Smooth and unearthly, yet with a distinction of woven material.

So he yanked it off.

* * *

"I swear Professor, we were just down there to find Lily's lost bracelet early this morning," James claimed. 

"Well what about _this_?" Professor Voros sneered, holding up the invisibility cloak.

"We didn't want our friend Peter to see us leaving the common room. I'm trying to avoid him because I owe him 5 galleons on a bet," James continued fluently. Lily stood at his side, hand on her stomach, focusing on breathing in and out. She had never been in Dumbledore's office (where Voros had taken them directly after the unveiling) for a behavior problem before. James, on the other hand, had his own armchair in there.

"And why ever were you sleeping?" Voros snapped.

"I guess we went a little _too_ early…and accidentally dozed off when we sat down for a moment."

Dumbledore took off his half-moon spectacles and wiped at them wearily with a handkerchief before reapplying them over his bent nose.

"So, Gerald, I believe the situation on hand is the case of two students asleep in the wrong location? Well, and what are we to say against this? A silly mistake on their part, I'm very sure."

Lily's eyes bulged with disbelief at such mercy. James smiled smugly. Voros, however, steamed.

"But Headmaster! They were _asleep…together_…in my _dungeon_!" he stammered. "And what of this?" He flourished the cloak once more. "I do believe cloaks of invisibility are strictly forboden on school grounds. Are we fine disciplinarians going to let this slide?"

"No, I suppose you are quite right, Gerald." Dumbledore turned his attention to James and Lily. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to take this into my possession."

James clenched his jaw, clearly withholding a nasty exclamation. Voros seemed extremely pleased with himself.

"I'll allow you to take care of this, Gerald," Dumbledore said as he handed the cloak over. "As for you two, you are free to leave. Though one word of advice: your beds are located in the Gryffindor dorms. For future reference," he said with his classically subtle grin.

James and Lily turned about with simultaneous sighs, one of dismay and one of relief. They had not made it to the exit, however, before Voros exclaimed, "Hold it right there!"

Whipping their heads around, they saw him holding, almost coveting, a small purple vial. The Awareness serum. Apparently it was amongst the cloak and just now discovered.

Voros chuckled. "How very ironic, indeed. Seems you could have done with a bit o' this puppy, eh Sleeping Beauties? So let's see…in possession of a high risk potion from my private collection…definitely a crime warranting detention, don't you agree Headmaster?"

"I'm afraid I do," Dumbledore nodded solemnly.

"Same time, same place?" James inquired dully.

Voros's satisfied grin was answer enough.

* * *

James crept with catlike grace into his dorm. He prayed that the guys were still asleep. It was yet quite early so— 

"Enjoy your evening, Prongs?" came Sirius's voice from the bathroom. He walked out with his shirt unbuttoned and his hair wet and mussed up. "I'm sure Catherine did."

James suppressed a groan as Sirius grinned wickedly.

When James failed to provide an answer, Sirius pressed on. "Well? What happened?"

Time for some quick thinking. Revealing his and Lily's _accidental_ night together was certainly not the most intelligent choice. So, slyly, he allowed a feigned grin to slide up his features.

"Weeell…" he began quite cockily. Before continuing, he chuckled a bit to himself and shook his head as if amused by some joke known only by himself. "Nah. Let's just say…it was an eventful night."

There. No need to lie. Just…avoid.

Sirius positively beamed with pride. "Jamesy! My dear old boy!" He came over and clapped James on the shoulder. "I am _proud_ to call you my lackey."

James elbowed him in the gut and laughed. "Never could get quite enough of yourself, eh Padfoot."

"Can you blame me?" Sirius called after James as he made his way to the bathroom. Once the messy raven head had disappeared from view, Sirius took to examining his backside in a mirror.

"Damn straight," he muttered in satisfaction. "Body of a god."

"I heard that!" James's voice called chidefully.

"Ah, wank off."

* * *

Both Lily and James chose to forego breakfast in favor of rest and avoidance of awkward questions. Their absence was not of importance until only Cherise and Sirius were left, each having third helpings of everything. 

"Where's Lily?" Sirius questioned (20 minutes after the initial observation _should_ have been made) as he piled another heap of eggs on his plate.

"Probably sleeping somewhere. That's what _I_ would be doing if I had spent the entire night out," Cherise answered, picking uselessly at her remaining food.

Sirius bit into a mouthful of hashbrown. "Yeah, James was gone all night too. 'Was shackin' up with Catherine," he spoke through the food.

Ignoring his repulsive manner of speaking, Cherise furrowed her eyebrows in thought. "Funny…"

Sirius obviously missed the point. "Yeah, I never thought James had it in him." He laughed appreciatively, causing bits of food to fly from his mouth.

Cherise once again went unfazed by the show of vulgarity. She stared at the table pensively.

"And, um, James told you this?" she asked carefully.

Sirius nodded as he swallowed. Finally. "Told me this morning. He seemed quite proud, too. Always was a conceited git, I say." (a/n: oh, Sirius. Whatever will we do with your ironic bum?)

Cherise nodded silently. "Yes, well. I have somewhere to be. If you'll excuse me."

Sirius eyed her unfinished plate. "You gonna eat that?" he shouted as she walked away.

Not that he needed an answer anyway.

* * *

The place Cherise needed to be happened to fall on her own dorm, which she entered with anticipation of Lily's presence. Her intuition was rewarded with Lily's figure shuffling through items next to her bed. As per usual, Cherise wasted no breath on preliminaries. 

"You were with James last night."

"Did you say something?" Lily responded vaguely.

"According to Sirius, James was gone all last night, and so were you." Cherise's voice was even and assured. "So what did you do?"

Lily flipped her hair over her shoulder with a toss of her head and continued folding clean shirts and placing them in her trunk. "James Potter not being in his bed last night has nothing to do with my being gone. Who knows how many times those guys actually sleep in their own beds. They have mysterious night lives, you know that."

"Which is exactly what I would have thought had I not run into Catherine last night in the hospital wing. I went down there to grab a quick allergy potion and saw her in one of the beds. Apparently she burned herself with a faulty spell and needed to stay the night to allow the burn to heal."

"And what does this have to do with anything?"

"Because if Catherine was in the hospital wing all night, James couldn't have possibly been with her, as was his story according to Sirius."

"That's _right_ he wasn't with her!" Lily spat hotly. Somehow the knowledge that she had had James for the night instead of that…that…_girl_ was strangely empowering.

Except she had just let the secret slip.

Cherise grinned smugly. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Oh bloody hell, you win. YES I was with James," Lily conceded sulkily. "But it's not like anything happened."

"But what _did _happen?"

"We were down in the dungeons getting an awareness potion since I had stayed up so late studying and…we fell asleep."

"You fell asleep?" Cherise echoed skeptically.

"Yes! I mean…it was late, we were both already exhausted…not to mention it was quite comfortable there in his arms…" she trailed off with a devilish smile on her lips.

Cherise grinned back in amazement. "Oh you _cow_, tell me more!"

Lily shrugged her shoulders, her smile turning vague. "I wish there was more to tell. But…"

"Come on, an entire – secret – night with him, and that's all that happened?"

Lily sighed and set herself down on the floor, resting her head against the foot of her bed. "He has Catherine, remember?"

Cherise sat down next to her. "That doesn't mean—"

"Only it does. He would've preferred to be with her anyway…I mean, it's even what he's telling everyone. That he was with her. Because that's where he should've – and would've – been."

"Except he wasn't, was he?"

"He was just doing me a favor, not enjoying himself."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do, now will you stop pushing it like this?"

"But why are you so insistent on pushing it away?"

"Because high hopes only lead to great falls. If there're no expectations, one cannot possibly be let down." Lily spoke the words with confidence, but her downcast eyes spoke otherwise.

"But I thought you wanted to try and get him back?"

"I do! I do… I just don't want to convince myself that it'll really happen."

At this point, Cherise merely nodded in reply. Nothing she could say would change Lily's attitude. As it was, Cherise wasn't even completely sure that James would be willing to come back to Lily anyhow. She had a strong feeling over the subject but no concrete evidence.

So she decided – time to change that.

* * *

Transfiguration not being the most enthralling subject available, James and Remus busied themselves finding other outlets for amusement while tuning out McGonagall's lecturing voice in the background. 

James found solace in charming his quill to fly and write unnecessary remarks on Peter's back. Remus burned away the minutes by intently watching a certain blonde across the classroom. His unfaltering gaze was almost willing her to look back, though fate would have it that she seemed to be trying just as adamantly to do the opposite.

When time got the best of him, he decided to write down his ailments for her to read. He scrawled a short note on some spare parchment and hissed at James to pass it along.

Upon receiving the unopened note, Marilyn looked immediately to Remus, knowing instinctively who it was from. Hiding a pained expression, she unfolded the token and absorbed its contents. With an inward sigh, she scribbled a reply.

Remus opened the returned note apprehensively. He read, in answer to his question about what was wrong: _Never mind_.

He creased his forehead in consternation. Hastily he wrote: _Never mind? How am I supposed to 'never mind' how you're acting? Please let me know what is wrong so I can help_.

Marilyn's reply, brief as it was, was elongated in coming: _It's you_.

Remus raised his eyebrows in a caustic moment of disbelief. He glanced up in her direction. She was leaning against her hand attempting to hide her guilt-ridden face or perhaps disappear into it, all the while busying herself with writing down scrupulous notes from Professor McGonagall's lecture.

Remus's face burned with emotion, either that of pain or surprise or indignation – he wasn't sure. But confusion was definitely mixed in there. For the remainder of the class, it seemed, his concentration lingered on that note.

Those two words.

He could not salvage a reply, his energy was wasted on breathing.

"Hey, mate?" James prodded Remus out of his preoccupation. "You okay?"

Remus looked dejectedly to the parchment in his hand and crumpled it slowly. "Apparently not."

* * *

"Marilyn," Remus said weakly when he sighted her leaning against a wall on the way back to the common room. Had she been waiting for him? 

Unwillingly, she lifted her eyes. Remus remained a few feet away, hesitant to move closer to her form. He raised the note up, permanently burned into his right hand, and spoke.

"I just…I guess I don't understand—"

"I know," she interrupted. She smiled meekly out of lack of anything better to do, or to prevent herself _from_ doing anything else. "I'm not angry with you," she told her feet. "In fact, I don't think I could ever be angry with you."

Remus blinked several times. "Then what the hell is wrong, Mar?"

She paused to breathe in some confidence. "You," she exhaled. "Something is wrong with _you_. And the fact that I don't know what that is…is killing me. Because for all I know – it could be killing you, too."

The words were painful for her to speak, Remus could see it. As for him – he felt as if she had knocked the air out of him.

That damned lycanthropy. That's what this was about. That's what everything was always about.

She continued. "All those days you're gone without reason…and then you come back looking, I'm sorry, _terrible_ and…and…sick and weak and…" She shook her head softly, allowing a moment for composure to return.

Remus ran a shaky hand through his hair. … Marilyn found her voice once more.

"I mean, I understand if you don't want to tell me…maybe it's not for me to know…or—" she gave a anxious chuckle "—or maybe there's nothing wrong and I'm just being a paranoid cow. It's just that…I'm so _scared_, Remus. Scared of what's happening to you. Scared of why it's being covered up. Scared of…of…losing you." She looked helplessly at him, unable to continue. Determination was all that held the tears back.

Not waiting a moment more, Remus took her trembling figure into his arms and held her tightly.

From somewhere around his chest he heard her frail, muffled voice.

"Please…just tell me you're okay. Please, Remus."

While softly shushing her, he spoke into her flaxen hair, "I'm fine, everything's fine…"

With these soothing endearments said Remus could feel Marilyn's breathing ease and her body soften. His nerves, however, had just begun to tense up as he prepared himself for what inevitably came next.

"--But I need to tell you something."

* * *

Also in the leaving of Transfiguration, James flagged down Lily – a pleasant surprise on her part. 

"I never got the chance to apologize for the other night—" James started.

"Oh, that's not necessary. It was actually really nice." She smiled for a moment until she realized the inclination of her words. "Well what I mean is! That, uh…it was fun. I don't often get to experience adventures like that," she twirled her hair self-consciously.

James grinned. "There's plenty more where that came from. But really, I didn't think we'd end up with detention. I hate to think you'll be scrubbing cauldrons all night because of me."

"Who says _I'll_ be the one doing the scrubbing?" she retorted with a trick to her voice. "So is that what you usually have to do for detention?"

"Yep. I've probably spent more time in that dungeon than any other room thanks to Voros and his perpetually dirty cauldrons."

Lily giggled softly. "I don't think I can look at that dungeon the same way ever again."

Overlooking her obvious playfulness, James gave merely a hollow chuckle. He seemed uncomfortable.

Pulling Lily over to the side of the hallway, he spoke in a low voice, "About what happened down there…I feel terrible. I know it could potentially be perceived as something—else, and I just want you to know that if anyone bothers you about it you can just come to me, okay? I don't want this one night to hurt you at all."

Lily felt quite breathless at his chivalry. Of course she wasn't as worried over it as James apparently was, most likely because of her wistful joy at spending the time with him, but the fact that he _was_ as bothered as he was made her feel lightheaded with a kind of warm fuzziness.

Somewhat lost for words, she smiled sweetly at him. "Thank you, James. Your concern means everything to me. But honestly…I wouldn't change that night even if every person in this school thought me horrid for it." She delicately coaxed one of his hands into hers. "I love spending time with you, James…you make me feel…special."

A smile timidly made its way across James's face, as if afraid to fully expose itself. His fingers softly threaded themselves through Lily's, completing the meager embrace. "Really?" His voice was soft and raw, revealing the emotion Lily could see in his eyes.

Rather than answer verbally, she gave his hand a small squeeze. He squeezed back.

"James!"

The hands tore apart. It happened so instantly that Lily experienced uncertainty on whether the moment had taken place solely in her mind or not. But no, the burning sort of tingle was still there. As was the memory of his stare.

Reality took charge once more. Lily looked over to see, of all people, Catherine. The owner of the voice that had severed her chance with James. Lily wanted to cry. James looked nothing less than a deer caught in headlights.

Catherine finished her bouncing walk over to them. "Hey you two. What's going on?"

James ran a hand through his hair. The same hand that still held the warmth of Lily's touch. "Nothing, nothing. No goings-on. Nothing that I can see." Was he out of breath? He cleared his throat. "So, uh, what brings you to this—you know, over—here, what brings you here?"

She shrugged innocently. "Just wanted to come see you. Is this a bad time?" Her smile never seemed to falter. Someone should give the girl a trophy.

James's eyes darted to Lily's and back to Catherine. "Of course not."

The words stung Lily bitterly, even though she knew it was the politically correct answer. She decided to remove herself from the scene before her heart sunk down to the floor where Catherine would inevitably crush it beneath her heel however innocently.

"Excuse me, I have to go meet someone. Nice seeing you, Catherine," Lily released the words robotically and then left swiftly in order to escape hearing the saccharine reply.

But in her quick exit, she also missed James's objection to her leaving, so close to being spoken if only his lips would part and let it rush out. But he held it in. It seemed useless.

Everything was useless now.

* * *

Upon Lily's listless entrance into the dorm, Cherise and Scarlett looked up from their conversation on one of the beds. Lily flopped down onto her own bed and let out a sigh. 

"Still feeling sorry for yourself?" Cherise asked with a small smile.

"Yes," Lily moaned and brought her hands to her face.

Cherise and Scarlett looked at each other. "What's up now, Lil?" Scarlett voiced the question hanging in the air.

Lily took a moment to reply. Her face seemed torn between reflection and pity. "James…"

Cherise stood up. "Your infatuation with him is doing nothing but making you miserable, dear. Having a crush is supposed to be…well, fun."

"Rise, we stopped having 'crushes' in like, third year," Scarlett said.

"Oh shove off, same difference."

Lily remained silent once again. "It would be fun…if it didn't hurt so much to be rejected."

Cherise bit her lip. She sat down next to Lily and absentmindedly stroked a bit of her hair that was scattered around from her plunge onto the bed and instinctively waited for her to continue.

"We were _so_ close…one more second and I swear we would have…have…kissed…" she trailed off thoughtfully. Her continuation came in a more bitter tone, however. "But then she showed up, she _had_ to show up. And he just…acted like nothing had happened. Like I wasn't even there. Like he hadn't just looked into my eyes like that…"

Cherise continued petting Lily's hair while Scarlett sat and watched with her knees hugged up close to her body. She sighed.

Just when the moment seemed to have reached a peak of sentimental dramatics, the door burst open by way of Marilyn. She flew across the room, collapsed onto her bed…and started crying. Her muffled sobs and shaky convulsions silenced any words about to be spoken, any breaths about to be taken. It didn't take long for the other girls to realize the source of such rare hysterics:

Remus.

* * *

Sigh, I know that was a really lame excuse for a chapter, especially one that you've all waited so patiently for. I'm so sorry. But I promise promise that something – SOMETHING – is going to happen in the next chapter. You know what I mean. Or at least you _think_ you do…tehehehe…. 

See you then.


	19. Revelations

Hello. Contrary to popular appeal, I don't imagine that killing off Catherine would be the most tactful way of handling things. Sorry guys.

Also, I cannot apologize enough for my steady pattern of long waits between chapters, but please, can we keep the death threats to a minimum? Exaggeration, but still. I don't appreciate being squawked at countless times for being so slow. My life does not revolve around fanfiction, and I certainly hope yours doesn't either. I never intend on keeping you waiting so long, but things happen and it just ends up that way. That said, I really am grateful for every person reading – hopefully enjoying – this, and hope you continue to do so.

* * *

**"Revelations"**

* * *

Marilyn's pillow broke the fall of her endless stream of tears and sobs while the other girls looked on, vacant of any such replies. Her dramatic addition to the room was so unexpected and sudden that it brought an immediate hush along with it. 

Lily slowly lifted herself off her bed and cautiously brought herself over to Marilyn's side. She bit her lip in anxious anticipation of what she could possibly say.

"Mari…?" She dared to sit down on the bed beside her, not unlike Cherise had done just a moment ago. "Mari…what ever happened?"

An answer was not expected while Marilyn was in such a state, yet somehow she produced a sentence among her crying. "_Never…they'll__ never understand…they'll never accept him_…"

Or something like a sentence anyhow.

Lily looked around for help. All she met was blank faces and nervous eyes seemingly just as lost as she found herself. Understand what? Accept who? Him -- Remus?

"Is this about…Remus?" Lily was hesitant to speak the name for fear it would strike the wrong chord in such emotional turmoil.

She was correct. Upon hearing the name, Marilyn only seemed to cry harder, throwing her face back into the pillow.

"Lils…" Cherise ushered her back across the room. "I don't think there's much we can do now. Give her some time?"

Lily nodded in agreement. She sighed as she looked again at Marilyn's sad little figure. It seemed cruel to leave her friend alone in such a state, but what else was there to do?

Her tides of sadness could be heard still through closed doors.

Passing days did little to soften the cloud hanging over Marilyn. Her explanation drew no further than a vague, "We had a fight," referring to her and Remus. This may have held accountability for their aversion of each other and the often downcast eyes, but could a couple's bickering really go so far as to extinguish the light in both their eyes? It was obvious there was more to it. Something neither person would admit to.

But not if James or Sirius could help it.

They found Remus resting languidly on the windowsill looking out into the night. If it could be called looking; his gaze seemed blocked or heavy from inner torment. The cold beams of the crescent moon shone across his face, revealing lines and scars belonging on some other face not so young and vulnerable. The romance of moonlight was utterly wasted on him, instead it cut into him like ice. Such was his lifelong curse.

"Hey, mate?" Sirius spoke uncharacteristically soft. James stood awkwardly next to him, hands in pockets.

Remus turned his head to acknowledge them then returned to whatever had such control of his focus. James and Sirius moved closer.

"Still a good week left 'til the night, hm?" Sirius commented with a nod to the moon.

"Nine days," Remus replied tonelessly.

Silence ensued. James and Sirius looked at each other. They had to ask.

"Listen Rem, we know something's up with you and Marilyn," James started. "She's one of the only things that can get to you like this. So…what happened? Did you break up?"

Surprisingly, Remus's lips took on a smirk, however sad and bitter. "No," he sighed. "That would've been too easy."

* * *

_**FLASHBACK

* * *

**_

"I need to tell you something."

Remus directed Marilyn through a maze of hallways and doors until he found himself satisfied with an unused classroom that would surely be uninterrupted. Upon entering, he locked the door with a flick of his wand. Marilyn shivered in unease.

"Are all these precautions really necessary? I mean…it's a little unnerving." She gave a small laugh to expend some pent up worry.

Remus simply gave a nod in response. Marilyn cleared her throat and leaned back onto an old, dusty desk. She gave a start when it creaked precariously beneath her weight. Perhaps she'd stand instead.

Remus rubbed his face wearily with one hand. How could he possibly explain? "Erm, you might like to sit down."

"I tried that, thanks," she said with a harassing glance to the desk. "Now what's this all about?"

Remus seemed to be struggling with the words on his tongue. His breathing was becoming shallower with every exhale. _Just do it…just do it…_

He took one of Marilyn's hands in his and opened his mouth to speak. Then decided against it and retracted his hand, turning to face the opposite wall. He just couldn't look her in the eye right now.

"Marilyn, I…when I was younger…" he started off shakily, afraid to finish a thought. "You see, the reason I'm gone so much…I have this…this condition…"

He turned to face her. "It's called Lycanthropy."

Marilyn cocked her head to think. "Lycanthropy…why does that sound so familiar…oh I know! I read about it in Defen—"

She stopped dead when the realization hit her. Remus was a werewolf. A _werewolf_, werewolf. Sharp fangs, ragged fur, a taste for blood…

Her hand flew to her mouth and she hunched over as if she would quite possibly be sick, or even faint. Her head shook back and forth, willing the truth to go away, as her breath became ragged and difficult. She dared to look at his wide, blue eyes – the same ones she had melted in so many times before – and the horror made itself a reality.

Her legs gave out beneath her and she crumbled to the floor. Tears overtook her.

Remus watched by, unable to even process in his mind what to think, let alone do, next. Comfort her? But how could he? Would she recoil from his touch? The possibility stung him acidly. But he would not break down. He knew better than that. Ten years of a nightmare hardened him from giving into grief.

"Oh God, Remus…anyone but you, _anyone but you_…" Marilyn wailed almost incoherently.

His mind continued to race frantically. "I-I'm sorry." He went to take her in his arms, abandoning the fear of her reaction.

But it happened. She shied away from his arms. Remus had to stop and catch his breath. His worst fear made tangible before his own eyes. She could kick and scream and curse and he would go unaffected. But to be made a monster in the eyes of the person he cared for – possibly loved? – above all else was something he could not handle. To be rejected flat out in such a way…broke his heart.

He closed his eyes to shut out the spinning of the room. The world he had worked so carefully to uphold was slipping away. And it hurt.

"You think I chose this? You think if I could change it I wouldn't?" he seethed through a harsh whisper.

Marilyn remained on the ground on her knees, hand pried over her mouth, her glistening eyes searching the ground for stability.

"So I'm suddenly a monster now that you know? Everything we had, everything we've been through, it's all useless now that you know who I really am?" Remus was shouting now, rage building with every tear that fell down Marilyn's cheek.

She looked to him like a fawn about to be slaughtered. "No! That's not—"

"Not what? Not _true_? So you're just hysterical because you're _happy_, is that it?"

Marilyn had never seen Remus so impassioned. His normally sedative nature was a large factor in her fondness for him. He was her rock, her impassible comforter. To see him like this…broke her heart.

She whimpered. "I never said—"

"You didn't have to say anything. It's obvious enough. Explaining it in words would only be pouring salt. But by all means! If that's what you want, _go ahead_."

"Why are you being like this?" she cried out desperately.

"Because this is who I AM! I'm a monster, an animal! And if that's not good enough for you, you can damn well _leave_!" He ended this tirade by pointing his wand at the locked door and hexing it to bang open rather ungracefully.

Marilyn struggled to find the strength to stand. When she did, she gave Remus one last hopeless look then stumbled from the room. Her sobs could be heard echoing down the hallway.

Remus was left with his heaving chest and oscillating thoughts. Finally his legs gave out beneath him as well and he crouched to the floor with his pulsing head in his hands.

But he would not break down.

* * *

The following days commenced in anything but normal fashion. Both Remus and Marilyn had adopted newly reclusive lifestyles, barely even giving in to go to classes. At any other time they always found somewhere to be, anywhere as long as it did not include the person they were intending to avoid in the first place. 

Marilyn seemed to be constantly chewing gum, and therefore was subject to the sharp tongues of her professors who duly frowned upon the substance and insisted she spit it out. Which she did. Then promptly popped another piece right back in when they turned their head.

Remus's quirk was much less obvious and not so "damn annoying" (according to Scarlett) as Marilyn's. He took up a sudden interest in orderliness. Not only did he keep his area of the dorm immaculate, but spent his time in class straightening every piece of parchment on his desk, then shuffling them around just so he could fix them once more.

As for everyone else, as in the people subjected to watching this event unfold around them, they contented themselves with the notion that it was only a silly fight between lovers and it would right itself in a few weeks, if not sooner.

Meanwhile, Marilyn cried herself to sleep every night behind closed curtains and Remus spent hours of the night staring up at the ceiling cursing everything that was himself.

The weeks continued thus.

* * *

Saturday afternoon. Nothing to do, nothing to do. The common room couch was littered with listless bodies lazily arguing over who should think up something diverting to do. 

"Well what do _you_ want to do?" Scarlett retorted at Cherise snappishly.

"Don't ask ME. James," Cherise whined, "you think of something."

James could be heard sighing from under the pillow he had over his face. He waved his arm about. "A'dunno."

"We could play wizard's chess," Peter squeaked as a suggestion. His reply could be summed up in the dull glares he was receiving.

"Like the 50 times we already have today?" Scarlett drawled.

"I don't know about you guys," Sirius said, standing up, "but I'm going up to the dorm. At least there's food up there. Any come with?"

An unintelligibly unanimous "Eh…" was the response. Time was slowly melting each person into their lazy position. Took too much effort to actually _do_ something now.

Lily broke the mold and stood up. "Why not." Anything to get off that blasted couch.

Promptly upon entering the boys' dorm: "How can you boys _live_ in this mess?"

Sirius shrugged. "I like to think of it as cozy."

Apparently his idea of 'cozy' included a closet's worth of clothes sputtered about among half-eaten snacks and discarded butterbeer bottles. Along with that came an assortment of Zonko's products looking as if the store decided to blow up right there in the room. Then the smell…well, that was something Lily didn't fancy categorizing. She was too focused on ignoring it altogether.

Lily lifted a brown wilted leaf of a particularly pathetic-looking potted plant sitting on a bureau. She smirked, too amused at the sad sight to be otherwise chideful. "Um, Sirius?"

Sirius grinned bashfully. "Peter's mum sent that to him over Christmas. I always knew Pete wasn't to be trusted with the responsibility of keeping something alive. He's hopeless. Anyway, you can go on and sit anywhere, Lils. I'll be right back, just need to visit the little wizard's room for a sec."

Heeding his words, she plopped down on the bed nearest to her and stretched out comfortably. She set her head on the pillow and sighed deeply, her body still retaining the lethargy of boredom.

Well. At least one thing smelled decent in this room. Not even decent…more like lovely. Lily took a deep breath, curling her body up comfortably. It was so incredibly nice…something almost indescribable but inarguably _nice_. She hugged the pillow close to her. It smelled vaguely of mint. The kind of mint that can only be found in the breath of freshly brushed teeth. And it was soapy, like shampoo. Roughly sweet, but not quite flowery. One other thing…almost woodsy, like outdoors. It was reminiscent of the feeling of campfires and brisk winds and twinkling stars.

Lily smiled to herself. It reminded her of her father. It was similar to the smell of his shirt that she snuggled her face into so many nights as he read her a bedtime story. There was something distinctly different… yet the feeling was the same. It was the essence of safety and comfort, knowing nothing could ever hurt you as long as you're wrapped in that warm aroma.

For one painful moment she ached to be back in his arms. The years did nothing to shake the Daddy's Little Girl from within her. She would forever need that man, that protector, to hold her hand and whisper that everything is okay; someone to make her feel special above all else.

She twirled the silver ring around her finger mindlessly as she had come to do in moments of particular loneliness (a/n: I'm sure you've all forgotten the ring Lily's father gave to her when she first found out she was a witch, but here it is again). The cool metal bestowed an unnatural calm within her. She sighed.

"Getting' a bit cozy there, Lily?" Sirius remarked playfully when he emerged from the bathroom.

She barely responded. "Mm."

"I should find a camera. I'm sure James would enjoy this sight much more than me, seeing as it's his bed you're--"

"This is _James's_ bed?" Lily snapped her head up.

"Not too much of a mystery, but yeah."

Lily sat up and looked around. The bedside table held a Quidditch stadium model complete with miniscule players executing specific moves and techniques, a thick book on Transfiguration Through the Centuries, a frightening mess of Chorbit's Everlasting Mint Caramel wrappers, and several pictures of James and his family and friends. A scarlet Quidditch uniform was hanging off the end of the bed, a well broken-in broomstick leaning crookedly near it.

Well, _duh_. It was only glaringly obvious. Suddenly she felt incredibly stupid for not even noticing. Though now that she did, she decided to take a closer look. Sirius had turned his attention to a pile of pumpkin pasties so she leaned toward the table and inspected James's adorable disarray.

The first item to catch her attention was a moving photograph of James and his parents, taken when he was about 10 or so, or perhaps shortly after he received his Hogwarts letter. His father was ruffling James's hair, which James did not look pleased about, while his mother beamed down at him fondly. Lily stifled a giggle. Maybe James's constant tick of rumpling his hair was simply a compensation for the absence of his father's hand messing it up for him.

Her eye caught sight of another picture, one taken far more recently. It was down in the common room, in fact, and included James, Sirius, Cherise, and…herself. She and Cherise were on either side of Sirius, his arms snaked around them while he grinned proudly at his way with women. Cherise was laughing happily at Sirius, but Lily saw herself more preoccupied with smiling shyly at James, standing a bit off to the side, who was smiling back.

Lily bit her lip with pleasure. So this was the image James fell asleep to every night. With a quick scan she satisfied herself with the knowledge that there wasn't a single picture of Catherine in sight. Take that, tart.

With a sigh of empowerment, Lily continued to browse over James's belongings dreamily. She flopped down on her stomach and perused the jungle of items on the floor. She smiled secretly at the way his trunk wouldn't close completely thanks to a pair of plaid pajama pants peeking out. On the side of the trunk were his initials…JTP. She slid her fingers over the engraved letters. James T. Potter. What a positively regal name he had. James T—wait, what was his middle name? Lily scrunched up her face in thought. Had he ever mentioned it?

"Sirius," she called out. "What's James's middle name…?"

"Ehh…Tyler!"

Lily smiled facetiously_. James_ _Tyler_. What a dashing name. She could already imagine herself whispering it in his ea—

Wait. TYLER?

Lily's eyes widened at the revelation of thought. Tyler…as in Valentine's Day, white and violet roses, pretty little poem, never missing a year Tyler? It was…_James_. All this time. Wasn't it? It had to be. No other male student at Hogwarts held the name, it only made sense for this to be the answer. But… "Tyler" had begun sending roses in third year, James didn't even know of Lily then! Or, well he had, but it's not like he made any parade of it. Or conversation even. What exactly was he playing at here?

Nevertheless, Lily felt as if she could die on the spot from an overwhelming melting sensation. All those wilted rose remains in her bureau drawer were from James, _her_ James. Suddenly life had meaning.

Still in a dreamy state, Lily glanced over to Sirius and noticed that he was now crouched down unlocking a small, impressively classy, cherry wood cabinet.

Curiosity brought her from her reverie, and she sat up and peered at him queerly.

"What exactly are you doing?" she asked, eyeing his apt attention on the small cabinet.

With a flourish, Sirius finished the unlocking procedures and opened the two doors. "What'll it be, m'lady? Butterbeer? FizzPop? Maybe something a little more daring?"

"You mean you have a drink bar in there?" she resolved, clearly amazed.

Sirius grinned in reply. "Just a little something we cooked up to wash down all those chocolate frogs."

"Yeah, I bet," Lily snorted to herself, scrutinizing the amount of wizard cards lying about, evidence of their unhealthy addiction.

"So? What'll you have?"

"Oh, um…water?"

"Amateur," he teased.

A few clinks and sloshes later, Lily was presented with a sparkling goblet of water with a slice of lemon resting on the ridge. She smiled amorously at the display.

She sipped it politely as she watched Sirius pour himself a little something. Curious at what he was having, she squinted to read the label on the bottle. _Warlock Frizzard's Best…_

"Brandy!" Lily nearly choked on her water. "SIRIUS BLACK!"

Sirius practically dropped the bottle from the unexpected outburst. He looked at Lily sheepishly.

"You mean to tell me you keep _liquor_ in there?"

"Just a litt—"

"Oh, please."

"We only drink it on special occasions!"

"And so sitting here with me right now is your consideration of 'special'?"

"Any moment spent in your presence is endlessly special."

Lily rolled her eyes, but couldn't keep from smiling. "Nice save, wanker."

Sirius grinned boyishly. "Does this mean you won't go running off to tell Dumble-Bee?"

Lily pursed her lips and glared at the drink cabinet. "I just can't believe you guys drink alcohol, let alone have a quaint little storage of it at hand. How long has this been going on?"

"Since about halfway through last year, I'd say. That's when I finally convinced Madame Rosmerta to allow me use of the more saucy refreshments," he recounted proudly.

Lily shook her head in disappointment. "Using your own sex appeal to get your hands on alcohol, of all things."

"So you think I'm sexy?" he said with a grin, missing the point per usual.

"Oh, get _over_ yourself," Lily giggled.

"Your words, luv."

Sirius took his own goblet and sat down on the bed opposite Lily. "Enjoying your water?" he asked however innocently.

She began to nod amidst a gulp of it. Seeing Sirius's wickedly sparkling eyes, she coughed and spit out whatever she had in her mouth back into the goblet. "You put something in this, didn't you!" she shrieked.

Sirius cocked his head back in laughter. "That's why I love you, Evans. Always such a reaction. And, no, your drink is positively safe, scout's honor."

Lily shot him a scandalized look. "You may be the biggest prat alive, Black." She set the goblet aside nervously, regardless of her trust in his innocence.

"Something I pride myself on," he puffed up.

"You're going to drive some lucky girl stark crazy one day."

"I thought that's what I was already doing?" he smiled crookedly.

"You know what I mean."

"And you're going to be a ceaseless enjoyment for some lucky man, Miss Lily."

"I thought that's what _I_ was already doing," she shot back.

"You are."

A moment of silence ensued. Sirius contented himself with stirring his drink with his pinky while Lily amused herself by watching.

"How've you been lately?" Lily asked randomly. Somehow the vague question struck her as necessary for the moment.

"What do you mean?" Apparently Sirius missed whatever epiphany that had hit Lily. He licked his brandy-soaked pinky.

"I mean…well, how are you? We see each other every day, yet it seems we never really talk."

"Sure we do—"

"No, I mean _talk_ talk. About something that matters. So – how are you?"

Sirius thought it over a moment. He shrugged. "Getting by."

He decided to continue when he looked up to see Lily regarding him with curiously raised eyebrows.

"You know how it is…it's just all the studying for exams, dealing with the guys, worrying about summer and next year, with graduation, wondering what the hell I'm going to do after Hogwarts…" He shrugged again. "Just life." He took a final swig of his drink.

Lily tilted her head lightly. "Why are you worried about summer? I'd imagine that's something to look forward to."

"It is when you have somewhere to go," he said with a sardonic smirk.

"Oh, Sirius—"

"You know what, Lil, forget it. My woes aren't meant to be fretted over."

Sirius stood up to go refill his glass, but Lily grabbed his arm to hold him back. He looked at her puzzlingly.

"You don't always have to hide behind those big, blue eyes, you know." She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. "But I'm sorry for whatever is making them look so sad."

Sirius's response was summed up by putting his arms around her as well and returning the embrace.

Neither of the two could find further words to speak, so they allowed time to slip by quietly as they took in the comforting feeling of a friend's arms.

When Lily ended the hug she slid her hands down to hold onto his to ensure he couldn't escape.

"Sirius, I…well, I know it isn't my place to say anything, or even know anything, but…Samantha mentioned something about you and…your family…"

The mere mention of the word darkened Sirius's features as his face took on a sour tone. He turned his head off to the side as if looking for some distraction to tear them away from this conversation. Lily noticed this and hesitated in continuing, but knew she must, if only to clear her conscience.

"I'm sorry if you don't want me knowing, I swear it was an accident that I found out in the first place – I just want you to know that, well if anything that I understand now about you and Sam, but more importantly that I think you're an incredible person, Sirius."

Sirius shifted a bit uncomfortably, as he obviously thought differently of himself.

"From my understanding, you were the first Black to be sorted into Gryffindor? Well, what do you think that says about yourself? It's obvious you're destined for great things, family or no family behind you. As horribly cheesy as it sounds, I know it's true, and so should you."

"Lily, you really don't have to—"

"Yes I do. Because I can't go on everyday watching you with your goofy antics when all I really see is the uncertainty underneath that it's meant to cover up. I guess what I'm saying is that… I need to know you're alright."

"Is there really such a thing?" he said bitterly. "I mean, I wasn't good enough for my own _family_, who's to say I'm good enough for anyone else?"

"Don't you dare entertain the idea. Have you failed to notice how dazzlingly popular you are? Every boy wants to be you, every girl wants to be with you—"

"Except for one."

"What? Who is she?"

Sirius stared pointedly at her. "The only girl who knows the real me. So what do you suppose that says?"

Lily gave a small gasp as the realization formed. "Oh, no, but Sirius, that has _nothing_ to do with – it's just – you're still incredibly important to me, just not in that way. If anything, it is knowing the real you that has brought me closer to you."

His blue eyes couldn't handle the weight of Lily's stare, so he lowered his gaze. "You know what, just forget it."

Lily rubbed her thumb softly against his hands, which she was already holding. "Don't worry, because I won't," she said a bit ironically.

Sirius looked up and timidly returned a smile.

"Thanks."

* * *

Her steps seemed to echo all the more ominously down the dank corridor that night. The anticipation of what was waiting for her at the end heightened her sensitivity to light and sound so that she jumped at the slight rustle of a mouse skittering by, or the distant echo of laughter from behind her. 

Breathe, she told herself. Breathe. Just make it to that door and you'll be fine.

Lily was heading to her first detention.

Okay, so it wasn't the electric chair or anything, but it nevertheless marred her perfect record. Plus the small detail of her having to spend several hours in the undesirable dungeons scrubbing cauldrons -- _that_ she could have done perfectly well without.

She wasn't entirely sure of what to expect. James had mentioned the cauldron bit, but what else was there to it? Certainly the punishment had to extend beyond that. But how? She didn't fancy thinking too much into it. Her stomach was already on its fourth knot.

With these unfriendly possibilities creeping around in her mind, Lily came upon the door. Now all she had to do was open it…just turn the knob…and open it…

Well, that's funny. The knob just turned for itself.

"Miss Evans?"

Lily raised her eyes to meet the steely grey of Professor Voros's.

"Were you planning on standing out here all day, or should I fetch you a chair?"

"Well, no Professor, I—"

"Yes, yes, enough of that," he snapped as he bustled her into the room. "You may join Mr. Potter over there who is already showing strong signs of slacking."

Lily did as she was told, setting herself in a seat next to James, who looked quite nonchalant with his seat leaning on the back two legs and his feet resting on the table before him. He flashed her a friendly smile as she sat down, unknowingly melting those knots into butterflies.

"You know the drill, Potter," Voros barked. "I'll return in two hours, by which time I expect to see spotless cauldrons singing your praises."

"Aye, aye, captain," James saluted.

"Don't call me captain!" He turned to leave but stopped to regard James once more. "And get your feet off my table!"

The professor left in a huff, mumbling bitterly, "…_insolent boy … no regard for school property … terror to us all_…"

The door closed in a half-hearted slam, leaving Lily and James to their own devices.

"So he just leaves you?" Lily broke the silence.

"Yep," James said, sliding his feet off the table and stretching his arms over his head. "Thing is, the door is bewitched so that it won't open until all the cauldrons are clean. There's also this bugger of a spell on the cauldrons to prevent magic from being used to clean 'em."

"It's all so organized," Lily said with a kind of awe.

"Not for long. Sirius and I are this close to cracking the cleaning spell. So far all of our attempts have only made the cauldrons dirtier," he grimaced. "But never fear! There's always next week."

"Do you _try_ to get detention, or something? How else would you know you'll be back next week?"

"Oh, my dear, as if I would have to try. It just comes naturally, don't you know."

"And I suppose you get some sort of thrill out of it?"

"A man's got to live for something."

Thus they began scrubbing. James was working on his fifth cauldron when Lily was just finishing up her first. James had to bite his tongue to prevent laughing at the manner in which Lily was polishing the already shining exterior with her sleeve, then, in dissatisfaction, frowning and polishing it again.

"Er, Lils, this is no time to be a perfectionist."

He grabbed it from her overly zealous hands and tossed it into the pile behind them. Lily watched in horror.

"But I wasn't—!"

"Yes you were. You were done probably ten times over. Now, I know you're new to this and all, but let's not get ridiculous."

Lily accepted the cauldron James was handing her in a huff. "Hmph. Well I didn't know scrubbing away crusty potions from old pots was such an art."

"That's just it. It's not. It seems you're trying to make it one."

Lily continued to glare at James darkly. "Maybe it should be. Could give it some class," she noted haughtily.

James smirked at her. "You're a real piece of work, Evans, you know that?"

"I could use some reminding," she said, mirroring his expression.

Soon enough, Lily got into the rhythm of the quick scrub, causing more than one appraising glance from her partner.

"So…" Lily began airily. "It was quite an enlightening experience hanging out with Sirius in your dorm the other day. What was most interesting was his drink of choice. Whiskey, was it? No, no, brandy. Yes, that's it." She peered at James accusingly. He winced in response.

"Dammit. I knew if any of you girls got wind of that, we'd never hear the end of it."

"And rightly so! James, I can't believe you."

"Look, it's just for celebration or the like. Winning a quidditch match, holidays, things like that."

"Yeah, Sirius claimed as much…as he sat right in front of me and drank it due to nothing better to do. Real celebration there, eh? It's just…" She bit her lip and looked James cautiously in the eye. "I've seen what that stuff can do to people. It's terrible. And…I don't know what I would do with myself if anything ever happened to you."

Lily allowed herself a moment of vulnerability before realizing that self-consciousness had caught up with her. She hurriedly turned her focus back to the cauldron at hand and began scrubbing haphazardly. James, however, was still lost somewhere back in memory of her emerald stare, so unadulterated and natural, as if it were the first time it had truly seen.

"Or, I mean, any of the other guys, too, of course," Lily continued shakily. "I'm terribly concerned over them, as well."

"Of course," James replied automatically.

An awkward, at least on Lily's part, pause crept up. Lily continued accosting the poor cauldron while James watched her from the corner of his eye.

"Sirius drinks the most," James spoke softly. "I'm almost concerned, but…he always manages to laugh it off, you know? Make it nothing. He's persuasively easygoing like that."

"I know what you mean," she responded pensively.

They fell into a sort of thoughtful silence, each pondering over their own worries. Even when words go unspoken, having a someone next to you in times as such, the concerns seem pass over your mind a bit easier.

In true Marauder fashion, James decided to be rid of the silent atmosphere and add some spice.

"So you know one of my dirty secrets - about the liquor cabinet - now it's your turn to share," James said with a wicked grin.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "I fail to see how that works. I stumbled across that secret by chance. That by no means entitles you to hear something from _me_."

"Aw, come on, Lil," he gave his best doggy pout, "don't be a spoil-sport. Let's get some dirt."

Lily perused this idea over in her head a moment before complying.

"Fine. It's not so much a dirty secret as it is, uh, a sort of dilemma. Concerning one of my friends."

"Who would that be?"

"I'd rather not say…but someone important to me. Well, very important actually. That's just the problem, this person is SO important to me that…well, it's almost all I ever think about. But they don't even know it, and I don't know how to tell them. I'm afraid if I do tell them then it'll ruin everything or I'll just end up a terrible mess. Or both, I don't know. What's worse is that I know right now isn't the right time to say it, but I'm not sure when then right time will come up, or if it ever will. It's just…driving me crazy and I don't know what to do about it." Lily spoke frenziedly and almost completely to her hands, only glancing up once or twice to make sure James was still following.

Which he did very well. Playing the part of the perfect listener, he nodded his head along in understanding with a solemn yet complaisant expression.

Lily continued reluctantly, worried with every passing second that James would figure out the already hopelessly obvious truth behind her dilemma. At first that was her intention, but her boldness was quickly failing her. "Maybe I shouldn't even be feeling this way at all, but I can't help it, and I can't help that it's not going away despite how hard I wish it to. So, well, I guess I'm just a bit of a bloody wreck right now, not quite sure what to do with myself."

James smirked, however lightly. "Quite a predicament, I'll say. But not one I'm unfamiliar with."

Lily bit her lip and dared to lift her eyes to look at him. She noticed his easygoing features melt into something a bit more indescribable. He looked almost…bitter?

"James…?" she tried softly, wondering why he had turned so cold. Apparently James didn't care to hear her.

"I say you go for it," he said decisively, his face now void of any such emotion. "Just do it. Tell hi—or, you know, whoever, how you feel. You're not helping anyone by keeping it in, especially not yourself. You can't live life watching carefully from the sidelines. You have to put yourself out there and play along. You may get hurt, you may wish you had stayed right where you were, but then how would you ever know how it feels to score?"

Lily listened with eagerness. Maybe it was the way his words made incredible sense, or it could just be those beautiful lips they were coming from… She was inspired. He was right, she _should_ do it. And she would.

Right now.

With the endorphins from James's words pulsing through her, Lily reached for his hand and held it tightly. She scooted herself ever so subtly over to him and tried her best not to fall apart. "You always know what to say. I love that about you."

James smiled a bit, further inducing Lily to continue.

"You know," she spoke softly and thoughtfully, "there's something about you that makes me look forward to waking up everyday. Maybe it's in your smile, or your eyes, or how you always know what I need to hear. I don't really know, and frankly, I don't care. All I know is that it leaves me dizzy with wanting more."

She scooted even closer. James sat like stone, silently returning Lily's zealous gaze. She inhaled a deep breath and began slowly inching her head forward to his.

Her words began fading into something below a whisper. "I guess I'm just trying to tell you something…James Potter…." Her eyes were fluttering closed.

He could feel her breath run past his cheek. It felt warm and sweet, oh so sweet. But she kept leaning in…what was she doing…

James's eyes widened. She was trying to tell _him_ something? But...but…

He veered his head away at the last possible second. "Oh look we're finished I guess we can leave," he croaked breathlessly.

Lily flickered her eyes open in some sort of disbelief. And hurt, a whole lot of that, too. She watched in slow motion as James got up and dusted himself off uselessly. What was he doing? She had just opened her heart to him, no holding back, and all at his advice. What the hell went wrong?

Whatever it was, it left Lily with an emptiness a mile wide. Bitter rejection drowned out her senses and threatened to spill from her eyes. So many weeks, months, of waiting and wanting, dreaming and scheming, pining and craving, it all led to this. She could still feel the delicious anticipation of what his lips would taste like, no sooner realized than when they were replaced by the cold brush of his hair when he turned away.

He had turned away.

Lily felt the ache run down her cheek. She spared no energy wiping it away.

She stood up roughly, grabbed her bag, and rushed coldly past James, all the while wishing with all of herself that she could slip away into nonexistence.

James obviously noticed her rapidly crumbling state and became frantic with guilt. "Oh God, Lily, wait, please—"

"Don't you _dare_ talk to me, James Potter, because I couldn't care less of what you have to say," she spat with as much determination as she could muster. It really was difficult to sound domineering through all those choked back tears.

She continued hurrying towards the door, never wasting a thought on what James was doing behind her.

Until she was forced to, however, because suddenly she was yanked backwards by the arm, spun around, and brought right into the lips that had rejected her but a moment before.

And they tasted exactly how she had imagined.

* * *

WOOOO. Yes, you read that correctly, THEY KISSED. Finally, right? Yeah and I was planning on going all out with describing it and such…but then I just fell in love with how it ends now so I decided to stop it there. Don't feel cheated though, now you just have something to look forward to as the beginning of the next chapter. ; )

Ciao and chocolates!


	20. Between Friend and Friendlier

Sorry sorry sorry guys. I know it's been a while, but Chapter 20 is finally here. To refresh your memory (in case you'd rather not reread the last chapter) Marilyn and Remus are in a tiff about the werewolf thing, Sirius and Lily had a moment, and James and Lily had their detention together (due to falling asleep together in the dungeon – also resulting in the invisibility cloak being taken away), ending in a kisskisskiss. And that is right where it picks up.

* * *

**"Between Friend and Friendlier"

* * *

**

It took but a brief moment for Lily to realize what had occurred. What _was_ occurring. What she hoped would keep right on occurring until she dropped down dead. James Potter was kissing her, and kissing her damn good.

Right when she had given up all hope of ever having James as her own; right when her life felt like it had fallen into some hopelessly deep ravine never to be resurrected again; right when she thought everything she had dreamed in James to be a lie – he goes and does something like this.

And throws her even farther off balance. Only in the most beautiful way any stupid boy could ever think of.

Once she willingly gave into kissing him back, James took it as an initiative to deepen the kiss, causing Lily to melt into every sort of bliss available. He held one hand on the arm where he first grabbed her, with the other hand cradling her cheek. Lily's free hand eventually snaked its way up to James's neck, ever so slightly helping to pull him closer to her.

This was no accident, and this was no chore. The movement of his lips against hers felt as natural as breathing, only a million times more fun. It was as if this was the way kissing _should_ be done; this was the only way it should feel, anything else wasn't worth the effort.

James's kiss was warm, sweet, and gentle, but held an underlying of passion and desperation, like he was afraid that this might be the only chance he'd ever get. Lily could second that feeling. So many times they had been a breath away from such an embrace, but circumstances always seemed to get in the way. But now…now they had each other and that was all that mattered. All sense of time and rationality had departed; this one moment was the only concern of existence, and they gladly lost themselves amongst it.

The embrace ended right when it should, yet was still all too soon for the both of them. Time has a way of catching up with you right when it is least welcome.

Lily was the first to speak, although how she got the words out was beyond her own comprehension.

"What the hell was that?" she whispered quite breathlessly.

"I…don't know," James replied in the same quiet tone, as if speaking any louder would somehow scare away the current state of all that is wonderful.

They spent a moment just staring at each other, waiting for the other to come up with an answer, an explanation, or just some sort of reaction. When the wait resulted in nothing, the inevitable awkwardness began to creep up.

James averted his eyes to somewhere along the ground, but kept hold of one of Lily's hands, still not intent on letting her get away from him. Again.

Lily continued to peer at him pointedly, curious as to what possessed him to change his mind at the last possible second.

"James," she urged, softly shaking her head, "what was that?"

He looked up cautiously. "I think it was a kiss."

"But…why? I mean, what…why…was it just to appease me, or something?" She was almost afraid to find out.

"No! But—"

"What? Did it mean anything? Everything I just…felt there…was that true?"

James licked his lips nervously. "Yes. It meant something. It meant everything, actually." He had to look away when Lily smiled – that same innocent, infectious smile that always made him light-headed. "And you don't know how long I've waited to kiss you like that. It's just that—"

"Then why did you turn away before?" Lily interrupted.

"You took me off guard! I didn't know what to do. One second you're asking advice about Sirius, next thing I know you're—"

Lily cut him off once more. "Sirius? Why would I be asking about him?"

James's face seemed to flush a bit. "I dunno…you wanted to tell him how you feel…or something…"

Lily narrowed her eyes. "How I _feel_? And why would I do that?"

"Well, because you're something of item or whatever, I don't know!" This was obviously not one of James's favorite subjects.

Lily tilted her head. "James, that ended at Christmas."

"But…what about all the times I've seen you kissing and holding hands and all that?"

"We've only kissed _once_ since then – which was a mistake anyway – and everything else is just…meaningless. We're friends, but nothing more."

James took a moment for this to sink in. "…Really?" He seemed a bit astounded by the news.

"Yes," she laughed a bit at his misconception. "I can't believe that's what you've been thinking all this time." She slyly pushed away her conscience when it dared to remind her of the way she had…_flourished_ her relationship with Sirius to ruffle James's feathers. "So is that why you were so hesitant?" She smiled keenly up at him. "Because you thought I was taken?"

Guilt started to pave its way into James's features. "Well, that, and…" he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head as if to say this was beyond his control, "I'm taken, too."

These simple words did well to steal the smile from Lily's eyes as well as every good feeling that she had been storing from the past couple of minutes.

"Catherine," she breathed.

James looked at her helplessly, taking back the hand that had been holding onto hers so earnestly before and ran it uneasily through his hair.

Fighting back a sudden rush of nausea, Lily turned away from James and brought a hand up to her face, rubbing at her eyes.

James sighed loudly at the mess he was very efficiently producing. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I-I don't know what to do. I don't want to lead you on, I just…couldn't help myself. I saw you walking away so upset… I just couldn't let that happen again…"

"No, no," Lily said softly, turning back around. "It's alright." It wasn't. "I understand." She didn't. "You made a commitment to someone, and you can't suddenly break it just because of me."

The abrupt civility of her tone surprised James. "Really? You're okay with this?"

She nodded calmly. "Of course. It wouldn't be fair to Catherine for us to allow this one kiss to mean anything more."

James bit his lip. "Er, Right," he nodded, although not sounding quite so self-assured as Lily. "So we're…just friends. Like before?"

"Right," she smiled half-heartedly.

"And no awkwardness between us?"

"No awkwardness. It's like this night never happened."

They smiled amiably at each other, but when their gazes met… they might as well have had their eyes closed.

* * *

Fighting back every sign of pride that might otherwise hold her back, Marilyn found herself poised before the door to the boys' dorm. She really would have wished to be anywhere else at the moment, but something inside of her kept her there. She just could not go on with the pain she experienced every time Remus walked into the room. She couldn't sleep, eating was a chore, and her concentration is class was completely gone. She wasn't sure if attempting to talk to him would change anything…but it was worth a try. She raised her hand to knock. 

Then lowered it again when she heard voices inside.

_"You sure you're okay, Moony? I mean, you don't usually look this bad."_

_"Don't worry about it. It's just...stress, is all."_

_"HEY GUYS, LOOK WHAT I CAN—"_

Marilyn flinched when she heard some sort of explosion inside, to which a group of voices responded:

_"Shut up, Peter."_

_"Prongs, where's your damn cloak? I've looked everywhere."_

_"It should be—" There_ was a pause. _"Oh f— Professor Voros has it!"_

_"What?"_

_"He took it that night…well, he took it."_

_"_Which_ night?"_

_"Er…that night I went to see Catherine, remember?"_

_"Great, now we're screwed because you had to be a randy git."_

_"Shove it, we can still do this. We'll just act cool, nothing suspicious."_

_"James is right, we'll be fine. No one's going to pay attention to us, anyway."_

_"Who _couldn't_ pay attention to this face?"_

_"Shut up, Padfoot."_

_"Plus, Remus here looks like he's an inch from death. What's not to be suspicious about him taking a stroll around the grounds just after dark?"_

_"Thanks so much, mate."_

_"No offense, darling."_

_"Look, anyone who happens to see us will probably think we're just up to some prank and their curiosity will end there."_

_"Fine.__ But if we're found out, it's YOU we're going to eat first for nourishment in Azkaban."_

_"Well, then. Remind me to bring some ketchup."_

_"Make it whipped cream." _

The sounds of something like a pillow could be heard hitting someone, followed by laughter.

_"Wanker.__ Come on, let's go."_

Marilyn's eyes widened as she realized they would be coming out. Flustered, she ran down the stairs and across the hall to the staircase leading to her dorm. She paused at the top step to catch her breath. Behind her she could hear the slamming of a door followed by footsteps rumbling down the stairs.

As worried as they seemed about being inconspicuous, they sure were doing a terrible job. What was it that they were so preoccupied with, anyway? And what was it she heard about Remus looking "an inch from death"? Maybe…maybe it had something to do with the lycanthropy. She didn't exactly know how it worked, but from her reading she knew the person transformed into a werewolf once a month with the full moon. Is that what they were up to? But why were the other boys involved?

Continuing to ignore her conscience, she knew that she had to find out.

* * *

Earlier that same evening, the shores of the lake became occupied with the languid bodies of Lily, Cherise, and Scarlett. Full and content from dinner, they draped themselves dreamily over the rocks and sand, thoroughly enjoying the sweet warmth from the lingering rays of sunlight dangling over the horizon. Their shoes and socks lay discarded behind them while their toes gladly drank in the cool water of the lake. Summer would arrive in a month's time; already it was making blurry the line between spring and itself, and the flirtation of the two proved for a softly delicious time of year. 

"I wonder if time stops for moments like these," Scarlett wondered out loud, albeit softly to fit the delicate atmosphere. "Kinda seems like it does."

"I wish it would," Lily murmured.

Cherise smiled to herself. "Six years at a school of wizardry, and I have yet to encounter anything so magical as a sunset."

The other girls "mm"ed in agreement, although, secretly, Lily was thinking of something other than a sunset – the same scene that she had been replaying in her mind for days. The same chills overtook her as when it actually happened, the butterflies never dying down. It was so difficult to even look at James now with all those thoughts cascading through her mind… she wasn't sure what to do around him. She held the knowledge of his affection for her – along with the memory of that dizzying kiss – but still he was not hers to have, and it stung. A bittersweet air pervaded whenever they found themselves together, somehow stifling the normal conversational ease between them.

To make things worse, it was a pining that had to be completely to themselves. Both James and Lily had opted to keep the kiss incident quiet, if only to make the situation easier to handle. They each had to accept that nothing serious could happen between them…at least, for the time being.

Lily deeply inhaled the dewy air, only reluctantly letting it escape from her lungs.

The day was quickly fading. Twilight crept onto the grass, hills, and sky with the stealth of a shadow. Even as night fell faster, bringing a strict curfew with it, the girls made no inclination to move.

Rules were meant to be broken, anyway.

* * *

From behind a bush some ways away, Marilyn kept careful observation of the boys as they headed to the Whomping Willow, of all places. Peering through the blasted distracting leaves and branches she could decipher some irresolution between them as they scanned the area with unease. 

Finally it appeared they had come to a decision. They gathered more closely to the tree and…she scooted forward and squinted her eyes…what were they doing? And where had Peter gone? He was just there a second ago…

The tree froze. Every branch hung immortalized in the air mid-swing. Marilyn eyed the sight with wonder. What magic had they performed to appease something so untouchable as the Whomping Willow?

Now the boys seemed to be crawling into the tree…? Afraid of losing track of them, Marilyn sprinted across the stretching lawn between her and the tree, coming to discover that they had crawled into the tree, by way of a hole that she was sure she hadn't seen there before. Or perhaps she had just never been able to come close enough to spy it. Nevertheless, she thrust herself forward into the uncertain darkness of the tree trunk. Immediately she realized that the ground took a sudden drop downward, one which she was certainly not expecting, therefore causing her to tumble forward with a painfully ungraceful _THUD!_

Alerted by the noise, Sirius, who was last in line in the narrow tunnel, turned around.

"What the—" he began. As Marilyn's features became clear as she stumbled to a standing position, he shrieked, "GIRL!"

Fretfully Marilyn watched as the attention of the remaining party was gained.

"Marilyn!" James cried.

"_Marilyn_?" Remus pushed his way through the blockade of Sirius and James to identify what he couldn't possibly fathom as true. But it was. Marilyn, his girlfr—or, well, whatever she was, was standing in the shadows and grime that defined the part of him he tried so hard to keep tucked away in the possibility that it would disappear. Here she was, standing in the hallways that, for so many years, had echoed the sounds of his curse.

She didn't _belong_ here.

"What are you doing?" he hissed at her, his eyes darting all over her face to assert the reality of the situation.

Marilyn looked uneasily from boy to boy, their frantic dispositions doing nothing to better her own nerves, finding herself completely at a loss for an explanation.

"I—" she squeaked.

"Did you follow us here?" Sirius asked accusingly.

She licked her lips nervously. "Yes."

"Dammit, James!" he shouted, shoving James with one hand.

"Hey!" James argued back. "Don't blame me!"

"We already said we would!"

As the two boys squabbled in the background, Remus continued to peer at, almost through, Marilyn, who couldn't quite bring herself to meet his incriminating gaze.

"Why?" he questioned hoarsely. "Why are you here?"

Her eyes dared to flutter upwards. When she did so, she saw firsthand just how terrible he really did look. Even in the poor lighting, she could see how dark and sunken his eyes were, his pale and sagging cheeks, how he could not seem to stand perfectly erect, instead remaining slightly hunched over like someone about to be sick. It did not repulse her in the least; it only made her ache through and through because she knew there was nothing she could do to save him.

"I…I wanted—I wanted to see…what happens…"

Remus narrowed his eyes and shook his head lightly in disbelief. "Why would you want to see that? So you can prove to yourself just how disgusting I am?"

"No," she countered with a whine in her voice. "That's just it, I _don't_ think you're disgusting. Just the thought kills me! That you would think so little of me…"

"And how _should_ I think of you? After your reaction to…to this," he waved his arm around to encompass the situation to which he was referring, "what the hell am I supposed to think, hm? That you were delighted about it? Oh yeah, Marilyn, those hysterical cries sure sounded joyous to me. Don't you think that stung me a little? And you're blaming _me_ for being upset?" There was a subtle growl to his voice brought on by the extreme proximity of his transformation.

"You never gave me a chance to explain! You just assumed that I hated you."

"What was I supposed to think!"

"I don't know! But, God, Remus, that hurt me. You'd never yelled at me like that before…"

"Well you never cried like that before."

"I wasn't crying because of _you_," she wailed.

There was no need for Remus to respond, his abrupt confusion was more than clearly written across his face.

She took a deep breath to help form her next words. "I reacted that way…because of my brother."

"Wha—I…didn't know you had a brother."

"Exactly," she said, fighting back the sadness welling up behind her eyes. "Because I don't. Anymore."

Remus's features softened just slightly as he tried to contemplate the relevance behind this.

Marilyn continued as she struggled with the possibility of falling apart. "Ten years ago…I had a little brother…named Nevan. He—We were on a family vacation…he had only wandered off for a minute…we heard the howl and went out looking for him…we saw the tail as it was running away…" she was shaking her head in denial of the memory. She looked up into Remus's stormy eyes. "He was killed by a werewolf."

Remus recoiled, instinctively ashamed of all that he represented.

Marilyn took a moment to gather herself, then looked back to him with pleading eyes. "Oh Remus, it's just, when you told me…I—I thought back to that moment…seeing him on the ground…the look on my parents' faces…" she gasped suddenly, struck by a new thought. "Oh, God, my parents! If they ever found about you! Oh they'd never…never understand… But I do! I _do_, Remus, I swear. I don't _care_ that you're a werewolf. I don't care what other people think about it. I just care about you." Her voice slipped into a hush. "And I want you to care about me, too."

It seemed as if Remus was about to say something in return, but at that moment he clutched his stomach and stumbled backwards a bit, hunching over further. He moaned through gritted teeth and fell to his knees.

Marilyn's eyes flew wide in horror, while Sirius, after swearing quite audibly, grabbed Remus from behind and attempted to drag him further down the hallway. James ran to Marilyn and grabbed ahold of her.

"You need to get out of here – now!" he yelled over Remus's increasing cries of pain.

"No, wait!" she shrieked, fighting against him. Regardless that she knew her presence was of no help, she couldn't bear to leave Remus when he was obviously in terrific pain.

"It isn't—safe—" he groaned against the struggle she was putting up.

"Please—just—"

She was stricken still, however, when she witnessed the long snout protruding…the dark, coarse hair growing…the sharp claws gleaming… And it snarled.

A shrill scream broke the air.

* * *

Lily sat bolt upright. "What was that?" 

The other girls were darting their heads around frantically.

"Oh my God, I told you we should've gone inside," Scarlett moaned. "I knew there were man-eating creatures in that forest."

Cherise shook her head. "But it didn't come from the forest, it sounded like it came from…over there." She pointed in the general direction of the whomping willow.

"Well whatever it is, it's going to come after us next. Let's get OUT of here," Scarlett whined.

"No, wait! What if someone is in trouble?" Lily beckoned. "Let's go check it out."

Cherise stood up alongside Lily. "I agree."

"You two are bonkers. There is _no way_ I am wandering around the grounds at night in search of a monster," Scarlett huffed.

"Suit yourself," Cherise shrugged. She and Lily began to trek off toward the site of the scream.

Scarlett bit her lip and looked around fitfully. "But…you guys…"

"Goodnight, Scarlett," Cherise called over her shoulder. "Don't get lost on your way back to the castle."

Scarlett continued fidgeting to herself for a moment more until giving in and running after them. "You two are SUCH cows," she huffed, giving each of them a good smack on the arm before linking elbows between them for protection.

They were nearing the erratic willow when another alarming sound entered the night air, this time a howl.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…" Scarlett hyperventilated.

"Well, we're definitely closer," Cherise said with not so much certainty as her words promised.

"Maybe we shouldn't be out here right now…" Lily voiced shakily.

"_Thank you_," Scarlett sighed.

"You guys!" Cherise sounded appalled. "Someone might be hurt out here! It's our duty to—"

But whatever their duty was, it was left unanswered. Just at that moment none other than James – Marilyn in tow – sprinted across the lawn in front of them.

"James!" "Marilyn!" The girls shouted at once.

The respective parties paused and looked to their addressers. James looked positively exasperated at the sight of three new girls, Marilyn looked…well, positively broken.

For a moment it seemed each person was waiting for an explanation from the other side. When it failed to deliver, they voiced their indiscretions unanimously.

"What are you doing!"

James sighed loudly, running a tired hand over his face and into his hair. He pointed quite forcefully to the castle. "Get _out_ of here."

"What's going _on_?" Lily shouted. "Did you hear that scream, too? Someone's hurt! There's a wolf out here!"

"I _know_. That's why you have to get out of here right away." James was visibly frustrated, as was probably ever other person present.

"Marilyn…" Cherise discerned. "Was that you who screamed?"

"Yes," she answered meekly, swaying slightly from the memory of the ordeal.

"Look, we'll explain it all when we get back to the castle, okay?" James decided, still desperate to get them out of range with Remus.

"But—"

Scarlett gasped. A large black dog had bounded into sight from the other side of the tree and was now barking fervently at the group…almost like a warning.

No more persuasion was needed. Cherise and Lily fled off, dragging the stricken Scarlett along with them, just as James was with Marilyn.

The dog's ominous yelps echoed over the thudding of their rapid footsteps on the hard ground, all under the discriminating light of the full moon.

* * *

Yeah, okay, not so long and not so impressive – especially for the length of the wait – but I just wanted a chapter out there. Most of this is actually what I wrote a few months ago and I was going to add the final touches and update it, but things happened (mm, school, life?) and I never got to it and therefore it was left untouched for a while. But here it is FINALLY and hopefully the next chapter will be more impressive (yes, I do plan on continuing, albeit slowly). So sorry again for being extremely lame. /


	21. Dogs and Cats

**

* * *

**

**"Dogs and Cats"**

* * *

"Are you barking mad?" 

"Sirius is a _what_!"

"But what about that howl?"

James sat rubbing his eyes tiredly on his four-poster bed, very much beleaguered, in the midst of his attempt to appease the frantic girls surrounding him. Lily, Cherise, and Scarlett, all a-twitter from the recent horrifying-yet-exciting events, were insatiable in their desire to have every detail explained. Across the room, Marilyn sat quite by herself on Remus's bed. She was hiccoughing softly and staring blankly into the empty air ahead of her.

"If you'd all just calm down—" James plead.

"Calm down?" Cherise scoffed. "And how are we supposed to do that? Would you look at Mari over there? She looks like she just witnessed a murder or something! I'm not going to calm down until I know exactly what's going on."

"I agree," Lily chimed.

"Someone was _murdered_?" Scarlett shrieked.

"NO!" James barked. "Now…if you'd just…everything I say—nothing can ever be repeated, okay? Ever."

"We know, we know…so what was that you were saying about Sirius and the dog?" Lily asked eagerly.

James sighed in resignation. He had no choice. "Sirius is an animagus. We all are." The girls gasped in dramatic unison. "Me, Sirius, Peter, and…well…"

"And what?" Cherise ushered. "Remus too, right?"

"No…not exactly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

James looked to each girl with a pained restraint. He didn't feel right revealing his friend's dark secret. And, really, it wasn't completely necessary. Only Marilyn saw Remus transform, the others were oblivious. He could simply breeze over that fact and continue. But how to do it…

"Remus, he's uh…he's…" James was desperate to come up with an excuse.

Until Marilyn finished his thought for him.

"He's a werewolf."

The girls shot horrified expressions at their – until now – silent friend.

"What?" "No!" "She must be delirious!"

"She's not delirious," James spoke while looking to Marilyn, a braced jaw countering his sympathetic eyes.

"But, then…really?" Lily breathed.

The other girls were similarly lost for words and could do nothing more than gaze at Marilyn uncertainly, as if it were she who suffered the mysterious affliction.

"He told me about a month ago," she continued quietly. "And I freaked out, so he freaked out, and well…I guess you guys know how that turned out."

"Yeah. You started chewing gum. Constantly," Scarlett recalled with bitterness.

Ignoring her friend's tactless comment, Marilyn continued in her soft voice, "Then tonight I followed the boys out to some secret passage in the whomping willow…and I tried to explain to Remus why I flipped and then…he…he…"

"He started to transform," James finished for the suddenly stricken Marilyn. "So she screamed and I grabbed her to run away and that's when we saw you guys."

The listening girls shared similar wide-eyed expressions. Cherise was the first to find her voice.

"And that dog…that was Sirius? But, what does that have to do with any of this? With the werewolf thing?"

"It's so we can handle Remus better as a wolf. See, Sirius, Pete, and I studied to become animagi until last year when we finally succeeded. So now we can go out with Remus during his transformations and keep him in check, you know, so he isn't a danger to himself or others."

Lily was in absolute awe. Her James was an animagus! And to help out his friend, nonetheless. How very noble and incredible and…amazing.

"So what animal are you?" she asked shyly.

He looked straight at her as if realizing for the first time that she was there. "Oh… um, a stag."

Lily bit her bottom lip to keep from melting away into the carpet. To make matters worse, the left corner of James's lips curled up into a sort of smirk at this. It was all she could do to not die on the spot. She was sure she already was inside.

Scarlett broke the spell. "Then what's Peter turn into?"

James broke away from Lily's eyes to address the new speaker. "A rat." This response elicited much snickering, even from James.

"How appropriate," Cherise noted.

Although he seemed to want to agree, James said instead, "Nah, we needed a small animal to get us into the whomping willow. There's this knot close to the tree that stops the crazy branch flailing when you press it. Then we can get through the hole and into the passage that leads to the shrieking shack. That's where Remus transforms."

"The shrieking shack? But it's so terribly haunted!" Scarlett squealed.

James laughed. "That's exactly what we want you to think. That way no one will come near and discover us."

The girls looked positively offended. They had been lied to all those years! …And had whole-heartedly believed it.

"I can't believe this! This whole conspiracy behind our backs… and what I really can't believe is how you four never even let anything slip," Cherise said.

"Well, it wasn't some silly gossip that we were hiding," James explained. "Not only is it illegal to be an unregistered animagus, but this is Remus's lifelong reputation and safety at stake. Which is also the reason why _you_ four will never – ever – let a word of this out." He eyed them keenly as he spoke.

"We won't," they unanimously chanted.

"I'm dead serious," he reiterated, this time looking pointedly at Scarlett.

When she noticed this, she gave a squeak of indignance. "I won't tell!"

Obviously still skeptical, James nevertheless took their word for it.

Before they could call their impromptu meeting to a close, Lily voiced softly, "So…Remus. I mean, he's okay, isn't he? This werewolf thing doesn't…hurt him, does it?"

James regarded her delicately. "For the most part, he's fine. The days surrounding the full moon…he can get pretty bad."

"That's why he's always out of classes for a week," Cherise deduced out loud.

James nodded. "Some months are worse than others. Sometimes it's just minor flu-like symptoms. But sometimes…it's worse."

This statement produced a heavy silence among the group. No one was very keen to dwell on the fact, yet no one could think of a proper way to divert the conversation away. As in under silent agreement, they all turned to look at Marilyn, still sitting silently on Remus's bed, hugging her knees to her chest. She was gazing sadly at a picture sitting on the nightstand beside the bed. It was of Remus and herself. Remus kept trying to kiss her, but she'd turn away teasingly over and over again, until finally Remus would grab her and get that kiss he wanted.

Lily glanced up and away from Marilyn and the picture to find James staring at her. They shared a brief moment of secretive smiling that left Lily's stomach aching when she finally looked away.

Wordlessly, the girls left the dormitory to return to their own. Marilyn was the last to go, reluctant to remove herself from Remus's space. Just as she was getting up, James walked over to her and took her into his arms in a friendly embrace.

"He's just fine, you know," he spoke softly into her hair.

"I know," she replied just as lightly.

"But are you?" he questioned, looking down to her face.

She nodded. After a silent and contemplative moment, she said, "Thank you, James." He furrowed his brows in question. She continued. "For watching over him. For risking your own life for his. You're an amazing friend. You all are. Sirius, Peter…you guys are incredible, you know that?"

Tempted to reply with a teasingly arrogant, "Why yes, I do," he said instead, "Thanks. That means a lot." And it did. He smiled warmly down at her and could see that her spirit had lifted considerably.

"Goodnight, James."

Once the door clicked shut behind Marilyn, James tumbled onto his bed and attempted to block out the heavy emotions swirling through his brain at the moment. From where he was positioned he could see the full, glowing moon out the window. It seemed to be taunting him, its cascading beams burning a hole in the glass through which it shone. He closed his eyes and submitted to the darkness he found there.

It was the lingering memory of Lily's smile, however, that lulled him to sleep.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, Remus's absence was felt more particularly than in the past. Special attention was also paid to Marilyn, although her disposition had cheered quite considerably. A good night's sleep did her wonders. 

Sirius, however, looked a wreck. Being left alone with the transformed Remus was not an easy task, and it showed in the marks on his face. James informed him of the previous night's happenings outside the whomping willow and the girls' consequent knowledge of the deepest, darkest Marauder secret – to which Sirius replied with many a four-letter word. Although as he realized the necessity of doing so, he calmed down. He still insisted on blaming James for the whole charade, however, as it was his fault that the invisibility cloak was missing.

"Oh, now I get it!" Cherise announced, albeit in quiet, conspiring tones so that others at the raucous breakfast table would not hear. "Padfoot, Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail, those ridiculous names you have for each other. It makes perfect sense."

"And you guys said it was from a book that tells you which animal you're most like," Scarlett sneered.

"Well, what were we supposed to say?" Sirius retorted.

She did not have a response prepared for this, so she merely sat and brooded at the thought of being duped one too many times.

"So do we get crazy nicknames now that we're in the know and all?" Marilyn proposed.

"No!" Sirius snapped like a little boy whose self-proclaimed rules weren't being followed.

"Aw, come on, Sirius, be a good sport. Let them have some fun," James grinned.

Sirius huffed. "But they don't even have an animal to base them off of."

"So?" James countered. "Make up an animal, _then_ make up the name."

"Oh, fine. Then I dub Marilyn a cat."

Marilyn looked slightly affronted. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, nothing, m'dear," he grinned charmingly.

While Sirius and the others wittered on about names and animals, James was quite taken aback to find a gift dropped onto his plate by an owl. It was two roses – one lavender, one white – tied with twine and signed with a note. He looked frantically to Lily, who, along with all the others, was clearly not paying him any attention. He looked back to the roses sitting contentedly on his bacon and toast and snatched them before anyone _did_ pay attention. His mind wheeled a million miles a minute. Just what was going on?

In an attempt to figure such a question out, he stealthily read the note attached.

_James,_

_"A kiss as soft  
__as__ spring time flowers,  
__As sweet  
__as__ summer showers_

_Is not practical  
__Yet, it's magical  
__A gentle embrace  
__Upon my face  
__  
You hold my heart...  
__until__ our lips part"_

_-Mae_

He stuffed the token inside his robes and returned ever-so-nonchalantly to his breakfast. Reading the note had made his head light and happy and dizzy… but this wasn't supposed to happen. They had an agreement. What was she doing? And how long had she known that the Valentine roses were from him?

James was highly grateful that the others were too preoccupied to pay him any heed, lest they notice the way his cheeks were glowing and his sudden compulsion with mussing up his hair.

But one person did notice.

Across the table, Cherise smiled triumphantly to herself.

* * *

On the way to their first class, James beckoned Lily into an unused classroom in order to clear up the incident at breakfast. 

Lily was clearly flustered by the sudden diversion in her normal path to class, but it being James's hand that swerved her off course, all rational thought was replaced with a warm feeling that extended from the point of contact.

Once they were secured away from prying eyes, James whipped out the roses.

"What is this about?" Lily asked. She was surprised to find she was short of breath.

"I was going to ask the same thing," James replied smoothly, flourishing the flowers.

Lily gasped slightly. "Wait—what're you—?" She snatched the roses and looked first to the note. Her eyes bulged when she read the name signed.

"But that's my—!"

"—Middle name," James finished for her. Lily looked at him with a scandalized expression. He continued regardless. "Lily, I don't know why you're doing this, but I thought we agreed to forget that…you know…ever happened."

She narrowed her eyes. "James, I didn't send this."

"What do you mean? It's signed with your name…and it's the same gift that I send you every year…"

Lily felt faint with warm silliness once more. She already figured out that it was him sending the roses, but to hear _him_ say it…to make it absolutely true…

"You were the one who sending me those Valentines?" she repeated coyly. She couldn't resist dwelling on such a wonderful fact.

"Well…yeah." His cheeks were growing pink; his hand shot instinctively to his hair. "I mean, I figured you knew, since you sent me this and all—" he gestured to the roses in question.

Lily frowned. "But, James, I didn't send those to you."

"But—"

"I know, I know, it doesn't make sense…" She glanced over the note once more. There was something vaguely familiar about it…

"Oh, my God." Lily slapped a hand against her forehead. "This is Cherise's handwriting."

James snatched the roses back. Now it was his eyes that bulged at the note. "Cherise—she sent this to me?"

Lily looked positively humiliated. "Yes—well, but no, it _was_ her, but it's not _from_ her, if you know what I mean."

Clearly, by the expression on his face, he did not.

"She sent the note pretending to be me so that you'd know I like you because I was too chicken to tell you myself," she explained in a rush of words that she hoped would blur together so that James would miss what she said.

He caught it, though.

A grin spread across his face as Lily tried to bury her own in her hands.

"Well, that's kind of cute, isn't it?"

"No!" she wailed. "God, it's embarrassing. I didn't know she was going to do this. She didn't know you already knew—oh, I am going to _kill_ her."

"Hey, don't worry about it," he consoled. "It was a nice gesture."

Lily sighed. "Yeah, I guess. But…it kind of came at a terrible time, eh? So much for forgetting about…" she trailed off, but James knew perfectly well what she was hinting toward.

"Yeah," he nodded once.

They looked at each other in silence and realized quite painfully that what they were currently experiencing was nothing other than the awkwardness they had sworn would not occur.

"Hey, um, Lil, I know you didn't mean for this rose thing to happen and all, but…" he smiled sheepishly and stepped forward so that Lily was quite cornered, "…is it true? What this note says?"

Lily opened her mouth wordlessly, definitely not expecting this turn of conversation. She felt her face growing steadily warmer. She looked up at James's face, so close it was now, and couldn't help but notice how utterly perfect his lips were. Without thinking, and probably out of nerves, she quickly licked her own lips and flicked her gaze up to his eyes. When James did the same, well, she was sure glad to have that wall supporting her from behind.

Finally she spoke.

"Yes. It's true."

The words had barely left her mouth when she found herself once again occupied by the – utterly perfect – lips of James Potter. No prompting needed, she tangled her arms around his neck and pulled herself right up against him, kissing him back just as recklessly as he was kissing her. Even as wrong as it was, it was just so very _right_.

Lily could feel James's hand creeping around her lower back, which she was enjoying immensely, until he hit a particularly ticklish spot. She broke from his lips and giggled, while James smirked handsomely. Lily took this opportunity to enjoy those dizzying hazel eyes of his, eyes not even an inch away from her own. She could've fallen into them at that very second and never ever come out…she would be lost forever in sweet, swirling blue and green and gold and…

Was that the bell that just rang?

"Aw, damn, we're late," James moaned.

Lily wanted so very, very badly to say "Screw it!" and keep right on kissing him. But she knew she couldn't do that; they shouldn't have kissed in the first place. Besides, they had Transfiguration with McGonagall and she wasn't very pleasant with tardiness.

James exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair. He looked meaningfully to Lily, hoping to convey in just a look that this little meeting was also to be kept quiet and hopefully forgotten. She nodded to show her understanding.

They sped off to class together, stumbling into the room rather ungracefully. Professor McGonagall narrowed her eyes irritably at their arrival but mercifully said nothing, merely pointing them to their seats. Lily sat herself down a bit sadly, almost wishing she had received another detention…another excuse…

"Oy James, what the hell happened to you?" Sirius commented once the room had regained the general murmur of conversation.

"What do you mean?" James replied in a would-be casual voice, hastily smoothing out his hair (to no avail) and straightening his tie.

Sirius shifted his gaze from James to Lily and back again, his eyes sparkling ever so wickedly.

"Would you cut that out?" James snapped at him. "I know what you're thinking."

"Oh-ho no you don't," he laughed.

Across the room, Lily was undergoing similar interrogation.

"But why are you so flushed?" Scarlett insisted.

"And where did you disappear to?" Marilyn added. "One minute you were walking behind us, suddenly you're gone?"

Lily wasn't prepared for this. "James had to, er…tell me…something."

She noticed that Cherise was unsuccessfully hiding a smile. Suddenly she remembered the catalyst behind the impromptu rendezvous. Her nervous face converted into a shrewd smirk.

"Actually," Lily restarted, "he was just showing me a prank that he received in the post at breakfast." She was making it a point to direct her words towards Cherise. "It was quite hilarious, really."

Cherise raised her eyebrows but said nothing. Lily smiled triumphantly to herself. She wasn't meaning to be horrid to her friend, only give her a tease for being such a sneaky cow. The other girls seemed contented with this information and therefore let her alone.

Relieved, Lily slouched back in her seat and stole a glance across the room. She met James's gaze halfway and smiled.

* * *

The hour was late and the firelight dwindling, but still Marilyn remained faithful to her cozy little chair in the empty common room. Fighting the increasing heaviness of her eyelids, she gazed intently at the outline of the portrait hole across the room, telling herself that in just one more moment's time she would see that dark figure stumble quietly in. 

_He usually returns a couple days after the full moon, after he's rested and all. But he comes back late at night so he can avoid awkward questions and stares, you know?_

Marilyn did well to heed James's information. For two nights already had she stayed her post, choosing a stiff neck and dark eye circles over her warm and inviting four poster bed. She wasn't intending to come off as an obsessive stalker; she merely wished to greet Remus without the "awkward stares" of an audience. She did not know what to expect from him, how he would feel about…well…everything. It had been far too long since she had properly sat in his arms and breathed him in. Although it had only been a short few days since she had seen him, she ached through and through with missing him. She just wanted her Remus back.

Lucky for her, that night she would get what she wanted.

Her head snapped up (no, of course she wasn't about to fall asleep, she was just resting her eyes…) at the familiar creak of the portrait, and she could just discern Remus's unmistakable outline. Jumping up, she ran over to where he was (in all his surprise and confusion at her presence) and threw herself unceremoniously into his arms.

"Oh, Remus, I've missed you so much!" she cried into his shoulder.

It appeared he did not know exactly how to respond to this enthusiastic and quite unexpected welcome. He had been anticipating…well, he wasn't really sure, but not this.

He hesitantly returned the embrace. "I've missed you, too," he said truthfully. If only she knew how much.

Reluctantly, she removed herself from his familiar arms to look up into his face, to which she smiled fondly.

Remus inhaled deeply. "I'm sorry you had to…you know…see what you did…" He was making it a point not to meet her eyes. He looked up, however, when Marilyn gave a tiny laugh.

"Don't be ridiculous," she said, shaking her head, her expression softening. "_I'm_ sorry that you have to endure what you do. Don't you dare make _me_ the victim in this situation." She had a bit of tease in her voice and smile.

Remus had yet to find his own smile. "I just…I know I'm a frightening sight…and God knows what I could've _done_…to you…"

Marilyn continued in shaking her head as if at a young child. "No. Don't you think about that. Nothing happened to me. I'm fine." Remus remained silent. "And…well, I'm glad I saw what I did. Now I can appreciate what you have to go through each month. Yes, I'm glad I saw," she finished resolutely.

Remus's mute but conclusive response was just taking her hand into his and rubbing it softly. Looking down at their intertwined fingers, Marilyn smiled gently. That was all the encouragement she needed.

"So, are you okay? I mean, do you feel alright?" she inquired.

He nodded silently, then added softly, "I'm fine."

She eyed him appraisingly, obviously not believing him. However, not wanting to dwell on sickness and upset him further, she curled her lips into a catty smile and purred, "So, a werewolf, huh?"

Remus raised his eyebrows in intrigue at her change in disposition.

Marilyn took to fiddling with his tie and looked up at him with coquettish eyes. "I must say, of all the animals to be stuck with, I sure got a sexy one."

Remus broke out into his first true grin in weeks. Without wasting any further time, he pulled her forward, right up to his lips, and made up for lost time.

* * *

I know. I took forever. It's very lame of me, but I'm sorrysorrysorry. I hope this chapter was pleasing enough – at least Remus and Marilyn settled their little spat. And, y'know, there was some Lily/James action too, which I know is a favorite.

Thank you so much for anyone sticking around with this story, and to anyone who reviewed – you guys are fabulous. Really. I don't deserve the amount of reviews I have, but I'm very flattered, and sorry again for being, like, SIX MONTHS late.


	22. Brief Interlude

**So, hi.**

It's been a while – quite a while – and I'm sorry about that. I've been having trouble with this story, both with finding time to concentrate on it and just figuring out where to go with it. I guess you could say I have writer's block, but I think it's more of a chronic thing where… I just suck no matter what. Heh. BUT! I _have_ been working on the next chapter and I'm hoping it turns out okay. I don't want to abandon this fic, and I hope you don't want to either. I can't promise regular updates, like, ever, but I do intend to continue working on it whenever I can.

So anyway, this isn't a new chapter, as you can tell, but I do have something new and fun (or at least I found it fun). I tracked down some pictures of my characters! At least the girls. Honestly, the Marauders are IMPOSSIBLE to find in generic pictures, or even in celebrities, so screw that. You have your imagination and that's way better anyway. So if you go to my profile, you can click on the links to see the pictures.

So yeah, not much, but I hope this serves as a nice appetizer while you continue to patiently wait for my hopeless story. 

Love!

_Cindy_


	23. As Lovers Go

**"As Lovers Go"**

* * *

The buzz and flow of the Gryffindor common room was doing nothing in the favor of James Potter and his Potions essay. He had been trying and failing for nearly an hour to secure as much as a paragraph on the parchment before him.

He eyed his friends with an ever building contempt.

"No, no, watch THIS!" Sirius boasted gleefully to the group before him as he produced another of the endless explosions he had been making for the past hour. James could find nothing funny about it, but he was obviously alone in that opinion as all of his friends were rolling off their respective seats in crippling laughter. Sirius laughed hardest of all, overtaken by his own hilarity.

James exhaled in frustration and slapped his sadly blank parchment over his face.

"Jamesy not feeling well?" Sirius cooed once he regained control over himself.

James lowered the parchment and glared as Sirius girlishly batted his eyelashes. "And just where is _your _Potions essay? I didn't see you working on it at all."

"Oh that's because I didn't," he replied casually. "I just copied Moony's."

James shot a look of disgust at Remus, who, without even looking up, replied, "Don't look at me. I copied Marilyn."

Marilyn gasped and swatted him. "You git! I just copied Scarlett, anyway."

All heads turned to Scarlett, whose face was dripping with guilt. "I sort of copied Lily's."

Now the heads turned to Lily. She looked quite exasperated as she dropped her face to her hands.

"Don't tell me you copied _me_, Lil!" Sirius exclaimed, his expression scandalized. "You know I take the utmost pride in the integrity of my work."

"Apparently you all do," Lily said accusingly.

James jumped up. "You guys can duke it out all you want, but I'm going to the library."

"I'll go with you!" Lily said as she jumped up as well.

"Fantastic idea! Going straight to the source, James, smart," Sirius said. "I had to decipher Remus's chicken scratch, and let me tell you, that's a workload unto itself. Lily has much nicer handwriting."

"Oh shove it, Sirius," Lily rolled her eyes as she went to catch up with the quickly disappearing James.

Once out of the portrait hole they walked in an undetermined silence for quite some time, until James found fit to initiate conversation.

"Lily—," James began in a strictly business tone.

"Yes James?" Lily countered just as cordially. "You know, I was wondering when you were going to notice that I was here."

"Lily—," apparently her sardonic words were lost on him, "I don't think this is such a good idea."

"What are you talking about?"

"You. And me. Alone. Together."

Lily brought her walk to an abrupt halt. "And what do you mean by that?"

James stopped, too, and turned to face her. Lily found herself startled at how close his face suddenly was to hers.

"You know perfectly well what I mean."

Of course she did. It's not that she was counting on it or anything… except that she really, really was. And having James's heavily breathing lips only inches from her own – that wasn't helping much.

"What, so now we can't ever hang out just because of…of…" she gestured her hands about in an attempt to catch the words she was lacking, "…_that_?"

"No, it's just…" he sighed and fiddled with his hair. "I don't know, maybe we should… just… give ourselves some space."

"This is ridiculous," she shook her head. "I refuse to allow this silly... whatever it is, to come between us. You're my friend, dammit, and I'm going to spend time with you." She crossed her arms and stared defiantly into those eyes that had, so many times, overwhelmed her.

James could not hold the gaze. He turned away and dropped his head, muttering, "Lil, I dunno…"

"What? James—," she grabbed him roughly by the shoulder and spun him around to face her once more. Narrowing her eyes, she uttered, "You don't trust me?"

"No, Lily—it's _myself_ that I can't trust!" he cried. "Not around you."

Lily wasn't entirely sure how to respond to this. She bit on her lower lip as she studied the floor awkwardly, then flicked her gaze back up to his.

"See—don't _do_ that!" James exclaimed quite frantically, backing away immediately.

"What!" Lily asked, quite alarmed at his sudden state of bother.

"That—that _thing_…with your lip…" He was pacing now, tugging anxiously at his hair.

Lily placed her hand over her lips self-consciously and continued to stare timidly at him. "I'm…sorry. I'll just—I'll go."

"No, don't!" James grabbed her by the arm.

"But I thought you—?"

"I know, I know, but…" His eyes darted back and forth between hers, as if a proper excuse lay hidden in one of them. "Just, stay—please?"

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. "You are a most frustrating boy, do you know that?"

He smiled crookedly. "I guess you just throw me a bit out of whack."

She gently freed her arm from his hand that was still holding her firmly in place.

"Then I guess that makes two of us."

She set off once more in walking, feeling the eyes of James following mutely behind. Deciding it was wrong to enjoy this attention as much as she was, she turned and barked at him, "Are you coming?"

"Right behind you!" He answered haphazardly, skipping a bit to catch up.

The library was dotted with students, most being frantic fifth years scrambling to cram one last spell into their brains before OWLs. Both Lily and James scanned the area immediately for any sign of a friend or acquaintance, to which they were relieved to find neither. Though they weren't sure why such anonymity was necessary. It's not like they were going to do anything wrong, right? Just… study. And stuff.

Yeah.

"This table is as good as any, eh?" James said, choosing to sit at a table quite out of the way.

"It's a bit… in the back, isn't it?" Lily observed curiously.

"Yeah, well. A lot more quiet back here. Better to concentrate," he shrugged, though not meeting Lily's shrewd stare. She was about to point out that the library was _always_ quiet no matter where one sat, but thought better of it. James was obviously not in the most rational state of mind.

She seated herself and scooted the chair close to James's so as to be in accessible view of the parchment he had placed on the table. "This is the essay on sleeping drafts, yeah?"

"Mhm."

"And you're just starting on it _now_?"

"Mhm."

"Arse."

Completely unfazed, James draped his arm over the back of Lily's chair as he watched her read over his paper.

Right around the third sentence, however, Lily found it nearly impossible to concentrate. Her eyes moved blindly across the parchment, taking in nothing but the slow and sweet movement of James's fingers over her back. Back and forth and up and down, circling over the wrinkles of her shirt, teasing the bare skin beneath. She was back in that room, that unused classroom, and she was kissing James and he was kissing her, and his hands were crawling over the small of her back, craftily untucking her shirt to reach beneath and oh, how she wished he would and—

"Don't _do_ that!" She suddenly snapped at him, whacking his arm with the essay she had been 'reading.'

James recoiled the guilty arm, clear alarm in his eyes. "Sorry, Lil, I didn't realize—"

Lily dropped the paper and hid her reddening face in her hands. "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I just, I flipped, I don't know."

"No, no, it's fine, really, I shouldn't have been—um," he quickly crossed his arms tightly against his chest as if to contain them from further mishaps. "It's my fault."

Sighing, Lily peeked through the cracks in her fingers to look at him. "This isn't working is it?" She dropped her hands heavily to her lap. "I don't know _why_ I thought it would…"

"Look, Lil—" James began, only faltering when he noticed several pairs of eyes from around the library watching the two of them like a dishy soap opera. Clearing his throat, he pulled Lily up by the hand. "Let's, uh, go look for that book over, er, back here," he managed anxiously.

Once safe behind a rather monstrous and dusty bookcase, James found fit to finish his thought. "This _can_ work. I'm determined that it will."

"But how? You saw what happened out there, what happened in the hall, what _always_ happens when we're together? We can't be _just friends_, James, no matter how we try to fool ourselves into thinking otherwise. I don't—" she paused to collect her next words correctly, "I don't think I _want_ to be just friends with you."

She looked up into his eyes pleadingly, clinging to some silly hope that maybe now everything could be okay, now everything could work out the way she wanted. Sadly, all she found reflected in his eyes was the persistent truth that never seemed to be in her favor.

James leaned his back against the bookshelf and dropped his eyes to the floor. "I dunno what to say."

Lily moved herself directly in front of him, hands on hips. "That's all you have to say? That you have _nothing_ to say?"

He flicked his gaze up to meet hers. "Yes… do you?"

"No…"

They stared blankly at one another for a moment until they came to the conclusion that maybe they weren't supposed to talk anyway. Lily took a step closer, biting her lip in the way she knew James loved, which prompted James to grab her by the waist, just in that spot that he knew drove her crazy, and just like that they stared at each other. With every moment the tension and guilt of _"this is wrong"_ dwelled and escalated in them both.

But suddenly that didn't matter. Nothing mattered, because they were behind a large bookshelf and no one had to know and they were so close already and what would it hurt?

Such was the halfhearted reasoning that initiated a very wholehearted kiss. Grabbing James by the tie, Lily pulled his head down to meet hers, though with relative ease since his head had been voluntarily moving in that direction anyway. One hand still tugging on the tie, she snaked the other up the back of his neck until her fingertips were tickled by the ends of his hair, and in that way she made sure James' lips stayed right where she wanted them.

Not that James was showing any signs of wanting to get away. He was making it clear, quite audibly, how much he was enjoying himself every time Lily gave a nibble to his bottom lip. She could feel his hands perusing their favorite spot on her waist, pulling her closer and closer to him. The heat radiating off his body, right up against her own, felt insanely delicious and comforting, like nothing she had ever known.

Releasing the tie, Lily instead curled her arm around James's neck and pulled herself up to press her lips more firmly against his. In doing so, her shirt lifted up slightly, allowing James contact with the bare skin. Lily could feel his hands squeezing more firmly around her, and she gasped, forgetting to kiss him for a moment. She took a step backward, right into the opposite bookshelf that was suddenly closer than she remembered. James moved forward with her, everything about him looking a perfect mess.

"Are you alright?" he asked, very much out of breath.

Lily felt an odd sense of empowerment, knowing it was _she_ who had taken his breath away. She didn't bother with answering verbally, merely nodded as she took in the sight of his face in the dim lighting. His eyes looked different, darker somehow, so that they almost blended right into the dying candlelight air surrounding them. They flickered just so, dancing with tiny bits of golden light, giving away only glimpses of the fire hidden underneath.

Lily felt a shiver run through her. More than anything else is the world, she found herself wanting to be that fire in his eyes. She wanted to be the only one to ever see what she saw now, to be the only one to ever be held like this by James Potter under dim lighting when no one is supposed to know.

She wanted to have him as her own little secret forever and ever.

She went to resume kissing him, but found her lips landing on his cheek when he turned away. Before she could register any feeling of rejection, she felt the soft warmth of James's lips near her ear.

"I'm sorry…" his words trickled slowly into her ear like grains of sand. "I guess my conscience finally caught up with me."

His conscience. Oh yeah. Lily had forgotten about hers precisely the moment James's lips met hers. It was simply much more fun kissing him that way. But now it seemed hers was coming back, as well.

"Oh, God," she muttered, quickly untangling herself from the lingering embrace. She ran a hand through her hair and held it there as if clutching a security blanket. "I'm such a _stupid_ girl, _stupid_…"

"Hey, no," James cooed. "Don't say that. You're not even the one doing something wrong here, I am."

"But— "

"Sh!"

Despite her fret, Lily felt herself smile. It wasn't that she felt any better about the situation, but there was something infectiously warm about James that she couldn't deny.

"Now that's better," James said, smiling now as well. "I, uh, I don't believe we'll be getting much work done tonight, though."

"Mm, no, probably not."

"Soo…"

"So I should go," Lily finished. "So that you can finish your paper."

James didn't seem very fond of this idea. "Well—wait, do you have to—?"

"_Yes_, I have to go," she grinned. "Not that I want to, of course," she added, peering up at him flirtaciously.

To this, he raised his eyebrows. "Well what if—"

"See you tomorrow, James," she said, giving him a shove in the chest. But before she could properly walk away, James tugged her back by the arm and gave her one final kiss on the lips.

* * *

Lily hardly knew how she managed her way back to the common room with her head so dizzy and light, but in only a few minutes time she was plopping herself back on the cushy couch next to her friends who hadn't made much progress past their useless sitting around. She curled her legs up beneath her and smiled vaguely at her lap. Looking up, she saw four pairs of eyes staring at her quite wickedly. Only Remus sat unaffected, reading his book mutely.

"What?" she asked warily.

Marilyn, Scarlett, and Cherise shared identical smiles that needed no explanation. Lily cursed them silently; how did they always know! She flicked her gaze to Sirius, who also expressed extra interest in her return.

"Have a nice time in the library there, Lils?" he asked with all pretenses of innocence.

"I… suppose," she answered carefully. She felt like she was being circled by hawks.

"So where's James then? Too exhausted to make his way back here?"

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged. "Oh you know. Homework can be very wearing, that's all."

She narrowed her eyes. Sirius was always a randy git about everything, she should've expected exactly this reaction, but there was something about his demeanor that didn't feel quite as playful as usual.

"For your information, James is still in the library finishing up his essay," she said, matching his shrewd gaze. "And _I_ am going to bed."

She removed herself from the couch under the continuing scrutiny of her friends' eyes. As she walked away she could hear the shrill giggle of what had to be Marilyn. She didn't bother to look back. Before she could turn to hike up the stairs to her anxiously awaited dorm, someone stopped her.

"Hey."

It was Sirius, standing so close behind her that she nearly bumped noses in turning around. It was quite startling, actually, she hadn't even noticed that anyone had followed her. As he spoke his voice was low, almost conspiratorial.

"The next time you decide to _help James with his homework_, try fixing your shirt before you come back." Lily's hand flew defensively to her waist where her shirt had come undone. "Wouldn't want anyone getting any ideas, eh?" Again, his usual humor was absent as he spoke, prompting Lily to stiffen in quiet alarm.

He stared at her quite intensely for a moment, but Lily could not determine what emotion he was trying to convey. The tone of his voice was empty and indifferent, but the burning in his eyes spoke something of anger... or sadness.

Before Lily could even begin to think of a response, Sirius was off and up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. She stared at the recently evacuated space in front of her and exhaled – apparently she had been forgetting to do so. She glanced over into the thick of the common room and spotted her friends' heads turning around abruptly; of course, they had been watching. She had expected that much.

Lily's head once again felt dizzy, but this feeling was much different from earlier in the evening.

She was beginning to realize that kissing James brought increasingly complicated consequences.

* * *

Not too long, I know, and a blunt ending, but I'm going on vacation for two weeks and wanted to get something up before I left. Thanks to all who still read! Means the world.

Love, Cindy.


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